Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

[If123]

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

Why? Are they running amok around the house. I don't think the behaviour of 6 month old babies has changed much in thousands of years. They can't sit up on their own, so are hardly going to cause much trouble. They can just about lift their heads if placed on their stomachs. Rolling/crawling and shuffling are still about 2-3 months away at the earliest. Or maybe you have a super baby.

Most babies sit at 6 months, plenty are crawling (all 3 of mine crawled by 6 months). And they certainly need supervision for the 8+ hours a day they are awake.
Perhaps the lack of supervision and engagement held your babies back?

My 6 month old babies would have been crawling and very unhappy to be kept in their cots.

So one of them, plus an untrained dog, what could there possibly be to worry about?

@If123 I don't think your mother or sister add anything meaningful to your family I'm afraid

And they will never prioritise you

you don’t have children
you are at least in your sixties

correct?

Ahem.

I am in my 70s. Admittedly I have children and grandchildren and when mine were tiny they certainly sat before 6 months but there was no need for the ageism

Totally this-at last a post with some common sense and no childish tit-for-tat recriminations!

Well, if this baby is crawling around (though I suspect not), having the house covered in wedding "stuff" is hardly a safe environment for it.

Why do people insist on pushing their children into achievements before they are ready. All babies and toddlers develop at their own speed. It is no indication of future success or failure.

Loving this idea of 6 month olds being asleep all the time and essentially leaveable to their own devices! Can’t wait for mine to become so tractable and quiet in the next few weeks 😆 (suspect people are getting confused with 6 WEEK olds).

If 6 month olds could be left sleeping in cots all day nursery would be a bargain! Ha I wish.

So am i also being discriminatory again child free people here too

🙄

That sounds totally judgemental and very ageist. Are you suggesting that a women in her sixties is not allowed an opinion-or is wrong-even if she may have been a grandma herself? (You make so many assumptions-imagine someone doing that about you!) You give younger women a bad name with dismissive, arrogant comments like that. You don't speak for me.

What i’m “imagining”

is that someone with that view either has no or very limited experience of a 6 month old ie child free

or

does have children but with the a long passage of time has perhaps forgotten the reality of a 6 month old

but by all means seek out shadows where there are none and get yourself in a flap 😆

oh i love that you posted this recently

Thistlewoman · 27/02/2024 19:43
Unfortunately I think you are right. The 'mental health' card seems to be used when some young people -and some of those in their 20s too- just simply dont want to do something and are looking for an excuse. Being challenged and put under some stress is in fact good for developing healthy mental resilience. And as for demands to remove anything from sight/hearing/activity because it causes them offence...!! FFS No one has the right not to be offended (except where actual law is broken) nor demand that because they are offended that they have the right to cancel/silence the offending view.

😆

is that someone with that view either has no or very limited experience of a 6 month old ie child free

Well, unless someone works in early years, then I'm guessing even parents have a li,item experience of 6 month olds as they only know theirs, plus the ones in their circle of friends maybe?

As a childfree woman in my 50's, and like all child free women, we will have the sense to understand that babies are individuals and therefore all develop at different rates.

😂😂😂😂

My first day independently at 4m, crawled, pulled up and cruised at 6m and walked at 9m.
Clearly it was my pushy parenting or something 😂

Why do people insist on pushing their children into achievements before they are ready. All babies and toddlers develop at their own speed. It is no indication of future success or failure.

As some one who asseses children's development for a living I have to disagree with this. Early development is highly correlated with future attainment.

and babies should be stimulated pushed by their care givers.

6 months olds do develop at different rates
but
the breadth of that difference is actually really very narrow for the vast majority of 6 month olds

This made me laugh, all babies are different my daughter was crawling before she was 4 months old biggest shock I ever had was to find her under the cupboard at the back of the room when she first found she could move, Sat up the with no issues by 5 months and was walking by the time she was 8 .5 months old . Each child is thank fully different. Clearly we are both pushy parents lol

I would actually say - it doesn't even matter who asked first. Even if her sister would. She needed mom to take care of her daughter while she was going for the interview. That was far more important than a dog sitting.

I agree. That's why there are toddlers in UK who doesn't speak at the age of 3, still being in a buggy, still having dummies and still having teat bottles. Because parents doesn't bother to push them (or themselves to parenting).

What a charming sister, isn't she?
I would tell her, "You know honey, it's up to you. You can come if you wish, but you better behave or you will have to leave involuntarily. And if you choose not to come, that's all fine by me as well."
I bet she would come. (not that she eoyld be wanted there)

Your mom behaves like a teen and like she is your daughter, not the opposite. I'm sorry to say that, but hoping you exclude her out of the wedding. And as well a vicious Cinderella's sister.

My mum is the same. If I ask if any of my 3 children can spend the night-for whatever reason and it’s about once in every 5 years-she’ll have to make sure my younger siblings (young adults now) are home too so she’s basically not looking after them, my siblings are. My eldest called her not long ago and asked her to come round to eat with us, I had something she needed to collect from me anyway. She turned up with her dog, knowing I don’t allow the dog in my home. So she parked up, collected what she wanted then left. It was very disheartening. I’d be asking why would she agree to have the dog if she knew you needed her the next day? And running around after everyone on the day of an interview is not acceptable.

The dog may be a rescue and has serious abandonment problems. Some dogs that have been abused and then get adopted by good people, i.e. someone who doesn't kick or beat them, lock them out of the house etc fixate on those people and get seriously stressed if left for any length of time. Even going out of the room can cause problems. You don't know how long the sister has had the dog. So don't make judgements against a dog that you know nothing about. Whatever the dog's problems they will have been caused by people.

Just let her bring the dog over! Put the wedding things high up where dog cannot reach them, or only allow dog in garden.
DO NOT cancel the interview, go!