To think I can hide this?

[Itstimeforbaileys]

For a multitude of reasons, we have made the decision not to tell anybody about my pregnancy until we’ve had the 20 week scan. I can successfully hide this day to day, but this is where the issue occurs.. I’m currently 17 weeks, and I’ve got a spa day planned next week where both my SIL and mum will be there. How the hell will I hide this? My bump is still small enough where i just look a bit bloated, my SIL has never seen me in a swimming costume before so for all she knows I could just normally look this way? I’ll probably get away with it with my mum as she’s not very observant 😂

My second issue is the timing of my 20 week scan, this happens the week before a family members wedding so I need to wear something where I can cover it up as I don’t want to steal focus (and this is one of the reasons why we’re leaving it so late to tell people).

AIBU to think I can pull this off? I already don’t drink so that won’t cause any suspicion, it’s just my appearance that will give me away. Bonus points to anyone who can provide clothing options to successfully conceal!

As a fellow TFMR I have thought about if we ttc again keeping the pregnancy a secret as long as possible (until birth if possible).

I completely understand your feelings. Make a comment at the start of the spa day that you ate a massive takeaway. No one should be asking even if they suspect. Wedding skater dressers work well

Definitely worth calling then OP. The fetal medicine team at my local hospital love to help find happiness and relieve anxieties for their precious families where we can. You will get better continuity of care going through them than your community midwife team.

How would you feel about telling your mum and SIL prior if you’ve had a scan and know things are going to plan?

@MabelTheCow you don’t sound like a cow at all but very caring! Nice to have people like you working in such sensitive areas.

@Khanga27 in that case you are just over halfway so hoping that you have had reassuring news at your recent scan and best wishes for the next few months.

@Georgethecat1 your sentence ‘no one should be asking even if they suspect’ is really a standard that should be applied to all pregnancies. Hoping you manage to have a different outcome in future though I can only imagine how scary it might be to try again.

Tell them you're not swimming as it's your time of the month.

After you've then told them the truth you can say it was because of the wedding situation.

I dunno, with my first pregnancy I didn't even realize I was pregnant myself until 20 weeks so I'm pretty sure no-one else realized. And I was a size 8 at the time.

Maybe tell your Mum because there's very little time left until the scan now? She can take it. She's your Mum!

I can understand your worries given your previous experience. I wanted to keep my pregnancy a secret due to previous losses however severe morning sickness took that away. Could you have a private early scan to check which would then mean you could tell people a little earlier.

I think I could pull it off. People would just assume I am fat(ter).

Diet starts monday(every sunday night.)

Someone I know managed to hide their pregnancy at work from all colleagues until she went on maternity leave... She said "see you all in four months time" and they were confused and didn't realise. She's tiny as well so don't know how she hid it?

I think your biggest challenge is going to be having the Spa staff not reveal it.

Even ringing ahead won't guarantee secrecy, I'm sure the PP who had this exact thing happen to her won't be the only one this has happened to.

You really need to think about how you'd feel if they spoil it? Personally, I'd be making a sickness bug excuse the day before.

Develop a last minute, Covid like but not testing positive, illness. Do not attend the Spa and leave Mum to be a grown up and make new friends with SIL.

Have the 20 week test and attend the wedding in a comfortable muted, deep to dark costume with a large
pashmina.

Don't tell anyone, no one will ask as that is rude.

Announce the pregnancy, if it is right to do so, the following weekend.

If all hell breaks out because you steal the bride and groom's thunder on the wedding day name the child after them.

Personally I wouldn’t trust the spa to not mention it inadvertently. I would just chill in my robe the whole time and either have a verruca or a period that prevents going in the pool hot tub sauna etc not sure if you normally drink alcohol but you could make sure you’re the driver or be on antibiotics ( maybe for the verruca / foot infection) which means you can’t drink

Agree with others, spa day will be difficult and stressful. There is a big risk the staff will give you away inadvertently. But also if it's your SILs hen do you might end up really upsetting her if you appear to act all diva-ish rejecting certain activities or not properly joining in without them understanding the true reason.
i went on a casual family spa day just after discovering I was pregnant with my first. I thought I'd be able to get away with it. As soon as I turned up the others excitedly told me they'd booked a 'fun' fitness activity which i didnt at all feel comfortable doing. Then I couldn't use any of the facilities - hot tub, sauna, steam rooms which everyone was going in together.
is there any way you could at least tell your mum so she might be able to help you will cover stories etc? And you could still try to attend? If this really is a no go, then as others say, I really would advise just pulling a sicky and missing the spa day completely.

I think you need to quietly tell your mother. Let her know the reason you don’t want a big fuss. And ask her to keep it to herself for just a couple more weeks.

Better tell them now 3 weeks from the wedding than have it come out on the day. Don't make a big drama of it. Just say your pregnant..happiness all round..and then back to the wedding. No harm done.

I would not go to the spa day. I didn't tell work I was pregnant until 18 weeks but by then it was fairly obvious. It happens overnight - you just look pregnant.
The wedding would be easier to conceal and hopefully if people do guess you may find they are tactful and don't ask.

Preparing to get flamed and also can understand if you will want to take all precautions possible but it’s not that bad to use the sauna or jacuzzi.
Im not in the UK and during both pregnancies I used the sauna and jacuzzi twice a week right up until giving birth. I had terrible muscle aches and my doctor actually suggested it. My doctor told me, if you feel unwell, get out. I’m sure in the UK spas have insurance issues etc. and I’m not suggesting you get in just to appease your relatives. However the baby boiling is not really a thing. Otherwise I wouldn’t have two healthy kids running around asking for breakfast right now.

Is that something you'd normally wear?

If not, it's pretty obvious that you are wearing it to hide your stomach. If anything I think it draws more attention to the fact that you might be pregnant.

To be honest I would either cancel the spa day or accept that people are going to work it out.

The advice is that a significant rise in core temperature might be damaging for a pregnancy.

It doesn't mean everyone is going to be affected by it, just the same as some people smoke/ drink throughout pregnancy and have no ill effects.

It's still generally advised against.

You'd probably be fine to go in for 10 minutes but if you sit in a hot sauna/ jacuzzi for an hour, it's going to raise your body temperature quite significantly, and a developing embryo/ foetus is going to be a lot more sensitive to that than your fully grown adult body.

Everyone decides for themselves I guess, personally I would just avoid it because why do it if the advice is generally not to? Pregnancy is only 9 months of your life.

I've always hated steam rooms and heated treatments, similarly nails, hair and massages so I'm notnin any room to give advice but I'd throw a sickie.

Why the big secret???

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Woman’s boobs and face look different during pregnancy. I used to pick the next pregnant woman at work usually based on these changes - I really think you will struggle in the spa

I’m just surprised your smile doesn’t already know…mine can tell just by looking at my face in the first few months 😂😂

Given the stress - I think I’d cancel the spa. If you’ve already paid up, I’d be “unwell” a couple of days before and then have an upset stomach on the day. It sounds like a hen do so there’s a real risk of someone wanting to get all the hens in the hot tub together for a photo or someone saying something.

you won’t enjoy it and it’s not like you can keep your mum company all day anyway as you can’t join in with the heat.

id use the money on a private scan rather than expensive swimsuit /dress if you can’t get an early NHS one. Private scans are around £100-150.