To think I can hide this?

[Itstimeforbaileys]

For a multitude of reasons, we have made the decision not to tell anybody about my pregnancy until we’ve had the 20 week scan. I can successfully hide this day to day, but this is where the issue occurs.. I’m currently 17 weeks, and I’ve got a spa day planned next week where both my SIL and mum will be there. How the hell will I hide this? My bump is still small enough where i just look a bit bloated, my SIL has never seen me in a swimming costume before so for all she knows I could just normally look this way? I’ll probably get away with it with my mum as she’s not very observant 😂

My second issue is the timing of my 20 week scan, this happens the week before a family members wedding so I need to wear something where I can cover it up as I don’t want to steal focus (and this is one of the reasons why we’re leaving it so late to tell people).

AIBU to think I can pull this off? I already don’t drink so that won’t cause any suspicion, it’s just my appearance that will give me away. Bonus points to anyone who can provide clothing options to successfully conceal!

Your dm not “smile” (don’t know how that happened)

But of a tangent, but I’m quite shocked at your medical treatment after your previous pregnancy, you should have have so much more attention! I would certain call fetal medicine direct - fully explain and see what they say

I do feel for you and wish you all the best.

But I must point out that the black swimsuit with the ruffled front linked upthread is the most obvious thing I've ever seen. It would be more subtle to buy one that has I'M TRYING TO HIDE MY STOMACH printed on it in neon with sparkles. Possibly even flashing lights.

You could fake D and V and that would mean you can’t use the spa facilities like the hot tub and sauna etc. just lie on a couch reading.

Could you say that you had a special treatment on your hair and it will turn green if you do sauna, steam room or jacuzzi?
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

No advice on swimsuits but I hope all goes well for the rest of your pregnancy.

Is a tummy control costume a good idea? I don't think I would have wanted something pulling my tum in at 20 weeks - it's not as if the bump is down to fat which can be held in, after all. Maybe go for a tankini?

Have you looked into booking a private scan that you could have this week?

Hmm don’t think it’s a good idea to go to the spa day as someone is likely to notice your pregnancy when you are in a swimsuit. In your situation I would be thinking of a way out of it.
The wedding is easier … how about a maxi dress? A cousin of mine wore one with halter neck which disguised her pregnancy at that stage and fitted later on too. Or another outfit which has a top which does not reveal your bump.

I think what would concern me about this plan is that you are not just trying to hide it from your mother and SIL, it's the rest of the group as well. Can you really be sure that not one of them will clock it and say something?

they always ask at Spas if you are pregnant! For health and safety reasons

You cannot hide it at a spa day

Well obviously it would be much easier to tell them. Why give yourself the problem - isnt it more work trying to hide it? Is this related to previous problem pregnancies or miscarriage? Theres a reason why people normally wait till 12 weeks and not longer. And even if something did go wrong wouldn't you want to tell people so they could support you through it?

Could you accidentally "forget" your swimsuit on the day?

Be on your period. Wear a swimsuit but with a robe and sit by the pool with a robe all day. Just have the treatments where possible.

It's so easy to read OP's posts @Bouledeneige . There's a link saying "See All" on the bottom right of each one of her posts, that if you click it funnily enough shows each one of her posts. If you If you had taken a few extra seconds you might realise that yes, there is a reason relating to a previous pregnancy.

I would make an excuse. D+V is always a good one. Too many ways for your pregnancy to be revealed. There's the health and safety aspect, employees who forget, and strangers (both in your party and the spa in general) who wouldn't know your personal history and ask.

And never rely on clueless mothers. My mother is not the most observant person in the world. At her own father's funeral, she asked me to my face if I was pregnant. I was only 6-8 weeks with my second. I definitely wasn't planning on telling anyone that day, and was waiting for the 12 week scan. I was bloated yes, but I'm obese, so it wasn't obvious. Given she herself had a late miscarriage at 18 weeks, and I was waiting after my first pregnancy ended in early miscarriage, you'd think she'd be a bit more sensitive and tactful. But no. Not that time.

Sorry I haven't read the full thread as I'm dashing out but can you pay for a scan? If you can and can make the announcement earlier it would save a whole lot of stress.

I hope all goes well.

@Itstimeforbaileys

I managed to dress so nobody noticed a pregnancy until I was ready to tell them, after 24 weeks for most people. Longline outfits, layered with swishy cardigans/jackets worked well. I'd always been prone to wearing black, though, which probably helped. I wouldn't worry about a small bump at a wedding where you're a guest rather than one of the main people involved, even if someone notices a hint of bump, they won't have any issue with it.

I think I'd cancel the spa day, though. There's too many ways in which control of the information could be lost, you'd probably be really stressed all the time, and you wouldn't be able to do most of the things there. Your mum might be disappointed at the time, but would she be more disappointed to have you upset and stressed, or to watch you not doing any of the spa activities but not knowing why, or to find out about your pregnancy from a random staff member? Can it be rescheduled, or could you get a refund for your booking?

Can you not just be ill on spa day? They’d have to be pretty thick not to spot it.

Congratulations! I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. It's so stressful when you're pregnant after you've had to terminate for medical reasons, when that happened to me, I was at the obstetrician asking for a scan almost every other week, or as much as our health insurance allowed for (not in the UK), particularly during the weeks where things had gone wrong in my previous pregnancy.
Anyhow, I had a thought about those swimsuits, which mention "firm control". Is that a good idea for a pregnancy? Obviously to hide a big but not pregnant belly, it's fine but it just struck me, maybe not such a good idea to restrict a baby bump in that way? I don't know, I am not an expert. I've been googling to find a maternity swimsuit to suit your needs, but they all seem to be showing off the bump rather than hiding it!

Dyra sorry to offend you. In a hurry this morning. I lost 50 percent of my pregnancies so have walked in those shoes but don't really understand when people set hard and fast rules that then make problems for themselves.

You can click on See All to see her posts and why she has chosen this route. I chose a similar route when I was pregnant with DC - not telling people until we'd reached viability.

It's a nice idea to think that telling people would mean they'd be there to support you through any potential problems. That isn't reality for some people though. Some people would just end up being bombarded with everyone else's distress or drama, and would be better able to cope without that.

agree with this

I hid my bump at work for 22 weeks. I wore loose tops or oversized cardigans.
I few people said afterwards that they suspected.