To think I can hide this?

[Itstimeforbaileys]

For a multitude of reasons, we have made the decision not to tell anybody about my pregnancy until we’ve had the 20 week scan. I can successfully hide this day to day, but this is where the issue occurs.. I’m currently 17 weeks, and I’ve got a spa day planned next week where both my SIL and mum will be there. How the hell will I hide this? My bump is still small enough where i just look a bit bloated, my SIL has never seen me in a swimming costume before so for all she knows I could just normally look this way? I’ll probably get away with it with my mum as she’s not very observant 😂

My second issue is the timing of my 20 week scan, this happens the week before a family members wedding so I need to wear something where I can cover it up as I don’t want to steal focus (and this is one of the reasons why we’re leaving it so late to tell people).

AIBU to think I can pull this off? I already don’t drink so that won’t cause any suspicion, it’s just my appearance that will give me away. Bonus points to anyone who can provide clothing options to successfully conceal!

Re the swim costume - I think it just depends on how fast you show. I still only looked a bit bloated at 20w . I'm 28 weeks now and still only just beginning to obviously show when dressed normally. I was a size 6-8 to begin with too so it's just a case of having a teeny bump

As others have said tho you will probably struggle hiding the amount of treatments you can't have! You might have to consider telling dm and mil in confidence if you are determined to go

Anyone who would put their own hurt feelings before that of OP who has previously had to terminate a wanted pregnancy would be an absolute arse.

I didn’t tell anyone apart from DH and my line manger until well after the 20 week scan and everyone was just excited for us.

Hope all goes well @Itstimeforbaileys but maybe it’s not time for Baileys!

I’m so glad my mother wouldn’t ask - you just don’t ask if people are pregnant because if they want you to know they will tell you when they are ready. Which might not be earlier in the pregnancy for many reasons that are nobody’s business.

1. tell everyone you have just got over D&V and although only just 48 hours clear you don’t want to risk contamination.
2. you suffer with low blood pressure and dr has advised not getting to hot due to fainting risk.
3. Have an open and honest conversation with your relatives and tell them that you can’t take on their worry so would they please not comment until the scan

You can have facials, body scrubs, head massage, hand and foot massage etc. it of course you will have to let them know you are pregnant. I had a pregnancy massage once, they might offer this but it risks them announcing it when they call you in 😬

What’s your budget for a dress, @Itstimeforbaileys ? And congratulations.

I reckon in the staggered treatment situation you describe, you’ll be ok. But I would call the spa and tell them a) you are pregnant and b) not to tell anyone. I did something similar for a nice meal that was pre-booked (tasting menu, so I knew I couldn’t just pick “safe” options) and they were so, so discreet.

I am hugely sorry for tour loss. You will not be able to hide your pregnancy from your mother at the spa. Trying to do so will cause immense stress. And will be fruitless.

It is a clear choice; tell your DM in advance or find an excuse not to go to the spa.

Surely though, a spa day is a waste as you can't participate in things like the jacuzzi, steam room or other heated treatments. You also have to be so careful about the massage, facial therapy options and even aromatherapy oils.

Please check whether this place have any treatments specified as suitable for you in pregnancy, but tbh I'd be cancelling it and absolutely not risking it when you're already naturally worried about the health of you and the baby.

Don't waste money on a fancy swimsuit, offer your apologies and cancel.

@Itstimeforbaileys congratulations on the pregnancy & good luck with the scan

Just to make you aware when I've been on a spa day the whole group filled out a health questionnaire all sat together (including asking about pregnancy) and then a member of staff came and discussed any health issues that may cause problems (such as blood pressure, medication) there at the table in front of the rest of the group. You may want to call ahead & explain your situation just in case.

😂😂😂 definitely should consider that name change!

And thank you, knowing my family and friends they absolutely will not be hurt by the fact that I’ve decided to keep it to just me and my husband. They’ll certainly ask why I’ve waited so long but they’ll completely understand.

The spa day sounds hugely stressful, pregnant or not. I'd honestly concoct a stomach bug on the day.

Thank you that’s good to know! Definitely won’t be risking the pregnancy massage 😂

Up to £200? I’m not usually one for prints/patterns but definitely would wear all sorts of different shapes of dresses.

I’ll definitely let the spa know ahead of time, thank you for that!

Surely, SIL and your mum will understand that you want to keep quiet until your scan and don't want to 'steal' the wedding. So share your news but swear them to secrecy. Avoid the treatments not recommended for pregnant ladies. Find a floaty, A line dress for the wedding.
It's exciting but you can contain it. I went to a wedding expecting and no one had any idea.

Given your history OP, consider calling the specialist screening midwives and see if they can arrange your anatomy scan at 18 weeks to support your mental health.

The swimsuit won’t be a waste as we’re going on holiday next month so I’ll need it for that anyway so that’s fine.

The spa day was well paid up in advance before I was even pregnant although as we were trying I did know this could be an outcome. Thank you for pointing out about the oils and things as that isn’t something I’d considered. I do plan to speak to the spa beforehand so if there isn’t anything they can offer me then of course that will force my hand; I have just seen pictures of guests around the pool area in robes so if they’re provided then I actually think I’ll be good there.

Oh thank you for that! That seems really bad to do that, pregnant or not!

Much more likely to steal focus if people suspect and start asking questions at the wedding.

Can you afford to book a private scan in the next few days? You can still attend your NHS one of course, but it will set your mind at rest about being safe to share the news before your Spa day.

Thank you, I think I will. I did discuss this with my midwife at my booking appointment but frustratingly she hasn’t been available since. I’ve only had one appointment since the booking app and met with an on call midwife who told me that my midwife had only requested the additional scans from fetal medicine the day before where I was already 16 weeks 5 days. The on call midwife said I should get in touch if I haven’t heard anything by 20 weeks and suggested I wait until then before chasing it up which I did question at the time because he suggested I’d be getting them within a matter of days of each other which I’m fairly certain isn’t recommended? But anyway; that’s a different story.

Congratulations on the pregnancy OP, hope everything goes well for you with the scan.

The skirted costume idea sounds good, also try to keep your robe on as much as possible as that will hide it quite well.

As for practicalities I would recommend ringing the spa to ask about the treatment options and also ask them to make a note on the system that the pregnancy is secret at the moment so to not mention it in front of any people.

If you read the thread you will see why no one will be questioning me being pregnant.

I’ll have a grand total of 6 family members there and barely know anybody else, of those people who know me, they would all know better than to question my situation given the history.

Would something like this work OP?

https://www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/p/vb589?optionSize=14&promo=6202&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw57exBhAsEiwAaIxaZthHEm4-n1YtwgKUxJ8pd4JnEybTmtdTWLe6TKupolUyhqYS_l3DxRoCPFIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

It really depends what the facilities are like but I went to one recently with pregnant sil and she could only really do the relaxation room and the foot baths.

You are advised to avoid hot tub, sauna and steam rooms

op, you run the risk of a staff member mentioning it. Personally I’d just call off sick, say you’ve the shits, and let your mum and sil go on their own.