To think I can hide this?

[Itstimeforbaileys]

For a multitude of reasons, we have made the decision not to tell anybody about my pregnancy until we’ve had the 20 week scan. I can successfully hide this day to day, but this is where the issue occurs.. I’m currently 17 weeks, and I’ve got a spa day planned next week where both my SIL and mum will be there. How the hell will I hide this? My bump is still small enough where i just look a bit bloated, my SIL has never seen me in a swimming costume before so for all she knows I could just normally look this way? I’ll probably get away with it with my mum as she’s not very observant 😂

My second issue is the timing of my 20 week scan, this happens the week before a family members wedding so I need to wear something where I can cover it up as I don’t want to steal focus (and this is one of the reasons why we’re leaving it so late to tell people).

AIBU to think I can pull this off? I already don’t drink so that won’t cause any suspicion, it’s just my appearance that will give me away. Bonus points to anyone who can provide clothing options to successfully conceal!

Oh my god definitely yes! Thank you!

I've previously been a beauty therapist. Youl be fine to have a facial. If you need to fill in the form infront of anyone else just say when you go in to the treatment room you're actually pregnant but no one knows so to leave any steps out that aren't compatible with pregnancy.

Youl likely all get robes so can stay wrapped up and just chill on a lounger. Lots of people don't use the sauna, steam room or jacuzzi anyway so wouldn't worry about that.

You could wear something ruched at the tummy like this, I appreciate darks not very spring weddingy but the dark colour would help conceal a bump

I think you’ll be fine at the wedding, but it will be hard at the spa. It’s sometimes harder to hide around people you don’t know as if one of your SiL’s friends realises you’re not using anything like the sauna etc. they can sometimes just blurt it out without thinking, e.g. oh are you pregnant then? Where as close friends and family can be more tactful and especially given the past might realise but wouldn’t say anything.
I would suggest trying to get a mid morning slot and getting your nails done as you can’t then use the pool/jacuzzi for a few hours afterwards.

A family member of mine wanted to announce her pregnancy whilst we were on holiday together but on a specific anniversary date which fell at the end of the holiday so we spent a few days together pee-announcement. She was at 19 weeks and I noticed the bump straight away when I saw her despite her trying to hide it. I didn’t say anything as felt it would be rude to ask about it if she was obviously choosing not to announce and I pretended to be surprised when she announced the pregnancy. That said I think some of the other family members were genuine.y surprised and hadn’t noticed though. This was in winter though so she was wearing big jumpers, I imagine a pregnancy would be hard to hide in swimwear.

Trying to think of reasons not to use the steam room etc - could you say you’ve recently had low blood pressure and been advised to avoid till it’s sorted out? Or if this would cause your mum too much alarm, how about good old athlete’s foot or verrucas or similar? And as others have said, book a massage or facial or nails or similar so you can still take part in the day. Wedding should be ok with suitable loose-fronted dress.

I get it OP, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks after telling family and some friends. If I get pregnant again, then I think I would like to keep it quiet until 20 weeks too, maybe even longer.

For the spa day, if anyone asks why you aren't in the steam room etc, could you not just say that you're playing it safe as you're in the two week wait period? Matter of factly? Would your mum and sister in law be surprised that you were trying again?

Congrats and best of luck for your next scan 🤞

Disclaimer: I haven't RTFT.

Even if you can physically hide the 'bump' how are you planning to explain that you can't use the hot tub sauna? If you're having any treatments, you'll need to declare it as back massages are a no.

Would something like this work for the wedding?

https://www.debenhams.com/product/yumi-yumi-urban-green-floral-print-kimono-midi-wrap-dress_p-1e23d38d-b07a-4f78-bc41-121f0f0eab12?colour=Green&size=16&istCompanyId=76f7277d-6e78-4dc2-aaff-1eb77fae16b0&istFeedId=258a4886-8f3c-47ef-9369-d1eda8d84501&istItemId=rqqaappmi&istBid=t&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw57exBhAsEiwAaIxaZjmx9LerueSKN9oektYDC4sO_10bTVtK3TQmiqYzUE_sKWgCF7SbVRoCizoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Oh thank you that’s all really helpful!

That dress is a great shape too; good find! Thank you!

Depends.
Some women don't really show, especially with first child.
I am 175, size 10 pre first and able to wear same high raise skinny jeans at 25 weeks.
Second one was whole other story.

It’s not her first pregnancy though.

It’s not, it’s actually my third but I haven’t truly ‘popped’ with any of them until the 20+ week mark.

It probably depends a bit on your size and whether you’re probe to tummy troubles. I have IBS and can tell you when it’s bad I look around 7-8 months pregnant (I used to say 6 months until I actually got pregnant and now have a frame of reference, although TBF I make small bumps).

You could have a facial/something for your skin health, something you can leave your gown on for.
My mum knew though at like 6 weeks in - she immediately guessed when I didn’t drink coffee when we went shopping. I think people will guess at a 20 week bump.

I get your reasons for wanting to hide it. I take it you can’t explain that you want to have a peaceful pregnancy and don’t want to take on everyones worries, just focus on yourself.

@Itstimeforbaileys I would advise that it is possible the spa may leak this to your family if they have someone less trained on - this happened to me. I called in advance and asked explicitly for the spa to keep confidential and private as I was in my first trimester and hadn’t told friends yet. When we arrived the spa receptionist proceeded to go to me, “and we have here about your pregnancy”… it completely caught me off-guard and shook me up massively (id also had a loss a few months prior). They did give me a full refund for the day, but it didn’t feel like it compensated for them taking the control of who knew my news away from me. You may wish on that basis to share before the day to not have the same risk and upset when you’re there.

@Khanga27 sorry that happened, so unprofessional of them. I hope the rest of that pregnancy went smoothly.

Although people are saying the OP could get a facial it’s worth mentioning to the beauty therapist doing it as some oils (clary sage?) are not recommended.

To the PP who was there for a group discussion of everyone’s health conditions that sounds awful and also very unprofessional if the venue.

One spa day I went to someone just wanted to sit by the pool and read a book. They weren’t pregnant, they just wanted to chill out.

Try tummy control swimsuits as they’re ruched. Also, sweaty Betty have a ruched one that looks like a little black dress.

Have a casual brush off in your back pocket, such as thinking you’ve food intolerances (wheat, milk, sugar - pick on) and are so bloated at the moment and quite self conscious about it (would double up saying you don’t want a sauna as you don’t feel great with the bloatingzz). Or say something like the swimmers are unflattering and laugh it off.

Best of luck with your scan.

Why don’t you have a private wellbeing scan just before the spa and then tell them then?

Ah op I hope everything goes well for you, totally understand why you'd want to wait to announce.

I would probably feign a headache the day of the spa and then opt out of the hot tub/sauna/steam room due to the headache. I would ring ahead and ask to book something non pregnancy specific but that can still be done safely and just be really clear on the phone that the pregnancy is a secret. I would try to arrive before the others if you can to remind staff it's not to be mentioned. I think you'll need to see how you look and feel closer to the time, at 20 weeks there was no way I could have hid things but skirted swimsuit is a good option. Otherwise you call sick the day before and let your mum decide whether to go ahead or not. Or if you think it'll be obvious you could consider telling just her but being clear on your boundaries that you don't want to talk about it and you'll announce properly when you feel ready. Do you think she'd be able to keep the secret for you?

Why don’t you book a private scan? I had one at 13 weeks and it was way more detailed than the NHS 20 week one in terms of organ assessment etc, I had it alongside NIPT testing precisely because of the greater likelihood of picking up abnormalities earlier and having time to deal with it. Re spa, I don’t think there is any science behind not using the facilities, you don’t want to over heat but none says don’t have hot baths! Just take breaks, drink fluids, be sensible etc. facilities just say this as they don’t want the fallout of someone miscarring and blaming them. Equally I’m skeptics of the kid gloves re treatments. Just call them and explain and they’ll tailor treatment

I imagine your DM will take one look
at you in your swimming costume and know straight away. Wouldn’t it be best to tell just her and swear her to secrecy?

I understand not wanting to tell anyone, my sister didn’t tell anyone at all until 24 weeks. Before then one of her clients, an old lady, congratulated her and asked when she was due. My sister just told her she wasn’t pregnant 🤦‍♀️, the poor lady was absolutely mortified 🥺. Most people know better than to ask but have you thought about what you’ll say just in case you do get questions?

@arecklessmanor thankfully so far still okay, I’m now 22 and a half weeks. It was really bad at the time, I even said to receptionist i had asked for this to be kept secret and she just went “oh, it’s not in my notes”. I wish in hindsight I’d just told my friends beforehand but stressed it was early so not to be too excited.

Don’t forget the boobs! I’m slim with a naturally small chest so it may not be the same for you if you are better endowed in that department, but it was my boobs that gave me away when I was pregnant and not wanting to tell people yet.

Oh god I’m so sorry that happened to you!