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Original poster

How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

358 replies

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 14:57

I'm a single mother, long-time poster but changed names for this. My DS, in his early 20s has moved his girlfriend in with us. I didn't mind much at first but now I realise what a huge mistake it's been.

We had yet another row yesterday over their untidiness and general lack of care (e.g. forgetting to lock the front door after coming in late on Friday night) and she called me all sorts of horrible, unrepeatable names and I don't know what to do. They have been living here free of charge for several months and I have had enough of her selfish ways and her attitude. She also vapes/smokes weed and has got my son into it which I really don't like in my house.

I want her to go, but obviously I don't really want my son to go with her. They are both in minimum wage type jobs so don't earn a lot, but they don't even contribute by washing up after I have cooked a meal. What is the best way to approach this? Unfortunately she winds me up and it ends up in a shouting match, with my son supporting her and with me telling them to get out. They ignore me and are still in my house. What can do? Obviously I am not strong enough to physically throw them out and anyway I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts.

OP posts:
BruFord · 28/04/2024 16:35

She should be apologizing as well, OP.

Regardless, do make it clear that this is a final warning. Anymore poor behavior and she’s out.

ZsaZsaTheCat · 28/04/2024 16:41

This is totally out of order.
When she moved in there should have been boundaries set about expectations of behaviour.
Do you have other children at home?

You need to ask her to leave and if he decides to go then so be it-I would not tolerate them verbally abusing me in my own home.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 28/04/2024 16:44

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

Are you afraid of him or what are you concerned about?

Where's her apology?

Moreorlessmentallystable · 28/04/2024 16:45

Put their stuff out on the street when they are at work and change the locks.

grapeomelette · 28/04/2024 16:46

beAsensible1 · 28/04/2024 15:13

Tell them to leave, give them a months notice.

as they are living rent free and won’t contribute by treating your home or you with basic respect.

I can’t believe the audacity.

Absolutely this. Except I'd give them 2 weeks. If you allow them to speak to you and treat you like this you only have yourself to blame. They won't respect you if you carry on like this, and the situation will only get worse. Your son will survive. Short term pain for long term gain OP.

TeamPolin · 28/04/2024 16:49

I honestly wouldn't even give her a month...a month is plenty of time to store up all sorts of trouble. Give her a few days maximum. She's not your problem.

PonyPatter44 · 28/04/2024 16:50

So your son is buttering you up, but she hasn't apologised... I'd flush their weed down the loo and tell them they have until Wednesday to sort somewhere out. They can book themselves into a Travelodge if they can't think of anything else to do.

Bet you she gets pregnant in the next two days.

Applescruffle · 28/04/2024 16:50

Mybusyday · 28/04/2024 16:24

I don't think it is as easy as this. Do you have DC? Could you honestly say that you would do this?

Show quote history

My mum would have. And worse. And I genuinely didn't even deserve it.

This bratty manchild and his cowbag of a girlfriend don't deserve OP.

AnxiousRabbit · 28/04/2024 16:53

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

I know he's your son and you don't want him to leave....but I agree that's what they are counting on and are using it against you.
He is in his 20s and should really be thinking about moving out anyway. But that might just be the wake up call he needs.
Living at home isn't stopping him doing stupid stuff or helping him save money or teaching him independence....maybe a few weeks living with her without your support will be what he needs to realise what a good thing he has at home.

Damnyourheadshoulderskneesandtoes · 28/04/2024 16:53

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

I would still put a time limit on their stay...maybe give them 3 months to find their own place (provided they behave themselves)

Applescruffle · 28/04/2024 16:54

Her parents are miles away but she does have other options close by (where she was living in a shared house before coming here) so will not be completely homeless.

How is this your problem? Ddi you even invite this young woman into your home? Your OP reads like he just moved her in without even asking. She then proceeds to abuse you and you worry about where she will go?? Who gives a fuck??

Gettingonmygoat · 28/04/2024 17:05

Stop pandering to a grown adult. You have allowed this situation and now you need to put a stop to it. Throw the pair of them out, tonight. Your Son has stood by and let his girlfriend call you awful names, great son isn't he? Change the locks and if you must tell your son he is only welcome back when he has ditched her and grown up. Stop being a doormat.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/04/2024 17:06

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

He could have been 'doing better' right from the start.

Maybe he's twigged that you've reached breaking point and is trying to keep you onside to provide him with his creature comforts. Do. Not. Be. Fooled.

I'm leaning to 'change the locks when they're at work and leave their stuff outside'. They can go to her parents' and piss them off instead. That they are "miles away" is not your problem. I'd even see it as a plus - the further the better.

"I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts."
All the more reason that he leaves too.

Houseinawood · 28/04/2024 17:08

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

But has she apologised and of not she must go - offer to drop her to her parents for a circuit breaker and to diffuse it but o wouldn’t have her again in my home

Oblomov24 · 28/04/2024 17:08

Have you talked to him about this? whilst you are welcoming, How can he condone anybody speaking to you that way? he should be ashamed.

What was your relationship like before? Did you instill in him Basics? Has he ever behaved this way to you before?

Oblomov24 · 28/04/2024 17:10

Tell him. Now. That you are very hurt that he didn't stand up for you at the time and that his apology since is fine but there will not be another time and next time if anything of the similar happens again, they will both have to leave. Lay out the rules calmly now.

PotatoPudding · 28/04/2024 17:11

Sit them down and tell them you need to set out some ground rules and a chores rota. I also think you need to ask them for a financial contribution.

BirthdayRainbow · 28/04/2024 17:14

I feel so sorry for you that you didn't know in the moment that you could and should make her leave the minute she was rude and disrespectful to you. She's nothing to you. Just someone your son is dating. I know you're scared your son will leave with her but tbh he's not likely to live with you forever anyway and he needs to grow up fast. He can't do that while living in your house.

GrumpyPanda · 28/04/2024 17:14

SOxon · 28/04/2024 15:24

^^OP, re your last line, this is why you should not be out when they
leave and to have someone sensible in the house with you when they do.
Hide your jewellery. Good luck.

It's also why she shouldn't be given notice. Her verbal abuse is sufficient reason to ask her to leave immediately/the next morning.

Ilovecleaning · 28/04/2024 17:15

Fucking grow a pair…

FlexIt · 28/04/2024 17:15

@55goingon15 on minimum wage living off Bank of Mum and Dad they are in fact mega loaded. Probably at least £1000-£2000 disposable income per month if both working

LlynTegid · 28/04/2024 17:16

No drugs in the house, 100%. Pity your son has chosen to be with someone who is happy to see black teenage young men stabbed to death and Mexicans killed, by taking illegal drugs.

No indirect racist would ever live under my roof.

theholesinmyapologies · 28/04/2024 17:17

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

So your son just said what you wanted to hear to maintain the status quo...

Nothing is going to change, you know that, right?

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2024 17:20

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 16:31

@Mybusyday Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

My son has now apologised for both of their behaviour and promised to do better. He has said that they will contribute to the bills and have tidied up. I will see how long this lasts while I plan how to ask them to leave it it doesn't.

I will also check out the threads for child on parent violence. Thank you all so much for your support.

Have you posted this before? The promise is familiar to me?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 28/04/2024 17:23

Thank you. It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

It really is that black and white. But it hurts and forces you to confront your own parenting mistakes. You have a major DS problem - he sounds manipulative and abusive - with his history of violent outbursts, moving his girlfriend in to your house, allowing her behaviour then saying what you want to hear when it is clear you are reaching the end of your tether. You sound like you have blinkers on about him and his behaviour and are focussing on her. They are both untidy, irresponsible and using drugs (and btw, I would bet it is not her influence that started him using). Stop treating him like a precious baby and start holding him accountable as an adult. Both need to go ASAP, locks need to be changed. If he wants to come back, alone, he has to follow the rules.

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