How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

[55goingon15]

I'm a single mother, long-time poster but changed names for this. My DS, in his early 20s has moved his girlfriend in with us. I didn't mind much at first but now I realise what a huge mistake it's been.

We had yet another row yesterday over their untidiness and general lack of care (e.g. forgetting to lock the front door after coming in late on Friday night) and she called me all sorts of horrible, unrepeatable names and I don't know what to do. They have been living here free of charge for several months and I have had enough of her selfish ways and her attitude. She also vapes/smokes weed and has got my son into it which I really don't like in my house.

I want her to go, but obviously I don't really want my son to go with her. They are both in minimum wage type jobs so don't earn a lot, but they don't even contribute by washing up after I have cooked a meal. What is the best way to approach this? Unfortunately she winds me up and it ends up in a shouting match, with my son supporting her and with me telling them to get out. They ignore me and are still in my house. What can do? Obviously I am not strong enough to physically throw them out and anyway I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts.

Why are people suggesting giving 4wks notice to some jumped up little teenager swearing like she owns the place. Change the locks, if your son goes too he will be back. Stand up to them

He may have apologised

but

it is SHE who needs to !!!

It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children.

Do you think no one on here has children??

My son moved out at 22. We have, and have always had, a fantastic relationship but he had outgrown living at home and it was obvious from the way things were going that our relationship was straining.

He moved into a flat with a university friend. He's 25 now. We see each other every couple.of weeks and are in contact most days. Children are supposed to become independent and move out to live on their own, yes?

So why do ypu think no one else has ever experienced that?

Let’s do a really conservative estimate of what your son should have saved by now.

given your description, I would guess he entered the workforce around age 18. Let’s suppose he is only 21.

8(simplified minimum wage)40(hours a week)50(weeks a year allowing for some gaps)*.30(bare min pct would have spent on housing himself)= 4800
For 3 years = 14400

he should have at least 14400 in savings by now. So why can’t he move out yet?

There doesn't need to be a showdown. It shouldn't be descending into arguments - you're all adults.

Sit them down and tell them you want them to move out.

If they argue, remind them it's your home and that they've been living ther rent free.

The difficulty you're going to have is that, if they've not experienced any boundaries until now, they won't have the respect for you to actually leave.

Of that happens, you wait until they're put at work, put their stuff on the driveway and change the locks.

I had a friend when I was a teenager and their parents had to do that to the eldest brother who was absolutely vile to everyone.

I bumped jnto him about 25 years later and the eldest brother was a totally different person. It had forced him to grow up and take responsibility for himself.

That sounds like progress, OP, but just in case it isn't, I'd buy a new barrel for the front door lock in case they continue with their abusive behaviour.

At least if you've got that, you can stop them from returning if it all kicks off again.

Tell her it's not working out, it's your house and she needs to go. Whether your son goes too is up to him - but don't let wanting to keep him home (why do you want this?) stop you.
You should be er be disrespected in your own home. She's sounds awful.

🤦🏻‍♀️

Chuck them both out.

if your son feels he is old eough to live with his girl-friend then he is old enough to move out and get a place with her.

you say he moved her in? why did you not just say no? I'd tell them, you have to leave no messing about.. off you go into the big adult world where you have to pay rent and bills.

Look, he's apologised because they've both panicked.

I would say to him that she has to go. It's completely unacceptable that she's moved in, paid nothing, left a mess and spoken to you like that. There's no getting around that.

Someone upthread called her a guest. She's not a guest. She is a parasite who entered your house and is trying to ruin your life.

Tell him she has to go tomorrow. She can go back home or wherever she likes but you won't be spoken to like that.

Tell him he's more than welcome to stay but that she won't be welcome in your house at all - not even for an evening.

Hopefully it will make him see sense about her.

This. It's a perfect opportunity to make your boundaries very clear.

This is their last chance to step up and be respectful lodgers in your home. Explain that you won't extend any further allowances to them. They are now adults and they have to behave like that. In the long run it will pay off because they will learn that being an adult is not just about doing what you want, it's also about recognising their are consequences to your actions and that being considerate to others is part of taking responsibility for yourself.

I hope you're not doing all the cooking for the household too. They should be cooking for you as well as clearing up after themselves.

This.

i think you need to give them a date by which you want her to start looking for her own place, notwithstanding the promise to do more and contribute more.

And introduce that each of them cooks for the other two once a week. And clears up after themselves. But she needs to go, and if he goes with her - you'll have to get used to it.

I would have turfed this big cuckoo out of my nest ages ago.

Give them a day to leave if they don’t , pack their things , change the locks , warn the police of a possible issue , they may escort them out

I'm inclined to wonder why the g/f cant apologise for her behaviour? Treating you like that in your own home when you've been generous to her is appalling.

I wouldn’t leave the house, with this ultimatum, they might lock you out.
Get another adult around to your house to support you, and then tell them.
She needs to leave immediately

You really need to make her go today.

They are only half heartedly trying as they know they have an easy life with you and want to stay on the cheap. say if they stay it’s X per week and you want them to do X, but seriously just say no it’s not working and they leave. I get you want your son to live with you forever, but he’s an adult and you want him to be an independent adult and not cling on to him. But they sound vile and abusive, both of them to you.

say you are going out and will return at x time and she needs to be gone.

Please do not do this! They sound anti-social enough to trash the house.

Please make sure they leave, with police involvement if needed.

I feel for you. I'm a solo mum (no dad input) with a son also. He's over his teenage tantrums now thank fuck and has matured now (early 30's).

He even took me out for a meal at Christmas! 😍

You need to take care of yourself now and be intolerant of any disrespect.

You are way too soft OP and you will soon be being walked over again.

Me too.

He's apologised for her???

She still needs to leave.

Tbh so does he for sticking up for her whilst she was calling you names!

Don't let him intimidate you. Tell them to leave and call police if he is aggressive

So you're giving in then? 🙄