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Original poster

How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

358 replies

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 14:57

I'm a single mother, long-time poster but changed names for this. My DS, in his early 20s has moved his girlfriend in with us. I didn't mind much at first but now I realise what a huge mistake it's been.

We had yet another row yesterday over their untidiness and general lack of care (e.g. forgetting to lock the front door after coming in late on Friday night) and she called me all sorts of horrible, unrepeatable names and I don't know what to do. They have been living here free of charge for several months and I have had enough of her selfish ways and her attitude. She also vapes/smokes weed and has got my son into it which I really don't like in my house.

I want her to go, but obviously I don't really want my son to go with her. They are both in minimum wage type jobs so don't earn a lot, but they don't even contribute by washing up after I have cooked a meal. What is the best way to approach this? Unfortunately she winds me up and it ends up in a shouting match, with my son supporting her and with me telling them to get out. They ignore me and are still in my house. What can do? Obviously I am not strong enough to physically throw them out and anyway I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts.

OP posts:
Nicole1111 · 28/04/2024 18:34

If you’re giving them another chance you need to be clear about expectations of them and the consequences of not adhering to those. Then, most importantly, you need to follow through. For example, any more abuse and you will be out and if necessary I’ll be calling the police to request your removal.

JLou08 · 28/04/2024 18:37

Why don't you want your adult son with a history of violent outbursts, who disrespects you, doesn't pay his way and smokes weed (can't say that his girlfriend 'got him into this' he's an adult) to go with her?
Sounds like he is going to take her side anyway and it seems like you let him walk all over you so I can't see you having a chance of her leaving and him staying. I could actually see you telling her to leave and it will be completely ignored by both of them.
I couldn't imagine being as disrespectful as her and acting that way in my partners family home. However, she will also be led by your son and the level of respect he has for you. I don't know anyone who would allow their partner to disrespect their parents. I think you need to realise your son has zero respect for you and he needs to be taught that isn't acceptable.

Jeannie88 · 28/04/2024 18:43

They are taking the piss and the fact she's being aggressive and rude to you is unacceptable. They should be bending over backwards to show gratitude and seriously need to grow up and take responsibility! Set rules, give them a time limit to move out and one day they will look back and realise how unfair they have been. Xx

Lovemusic82 · 28/04/2024 18:51

You should have kicked her out when she was mouthing off to you, why would you allow someone to stay who has no respect for you or your home? You DS should leave too, he allowed her to speak to you like that?

They are adults, not kids.

Bananalanacake · 28/04/2024 18:51

Did she ask to move in? You should have agreed then what her rent would be. It seems to happen a lot these days, young adults sponging off parents, when I was that age I'd have hated living with an older person, couldn't wait to get out.

KeepHopeful · 28/04/2024 18:52

They're walking all over you, and you must take action. Suggest you talk to police first. They're experts on legal rights and how to handle situations. Tell your most trusted friends and neighbours ASAP.

Have somebody strong and reliable available, preferably present, in case you need backup when GF/both of them leaves.

Good luck.

PlipPlopChoo · 28/04/2024 18:53

Tell her to leave and give her a deadline. Call the police if she does not and do not let them tell you it's a civil matter. Accept that at least in the short term your son might also leave.

Change the locks once she it gone.

BewitchedorBewildered · 28/04/2024 18:58

Sit them both down and tell them firmly and calmly that you are giving a three-week deadline to end the current situation. Your DS can either stay alone or go elsewhere with her, their choice. Make it clear that you will not go back on this and that will not be disrespected in your own home. Tell them if there are any more outbursts in the three-week period the notice is void and she/they can leave immediately.

oakleaffy · 28/04/2024 19:00

@55goingon15 She is a malign influence on your son- They both are parasitising your home- not helping in any way, just being a security risk and abusive to you.

Get them out.

I’m shocked your son didn’t stand up for you!

Is he c*nt struck?
is he younger than her?

It’s a very poor show that they are abusive to you and living rent free.

Get her out

If son follows, so be it- hopefully this relationship won’t last.

Love51 · 28/04/2024 19:01

Would womens I'd be able to help, or does it have to be a partner to qualify as domestic abuse? OP is being abused by adults living in her home so it feels as if it should fit their criteria!

CactusSammy · 28/04/2024 19:13

No one should disrespect you, especially in your own home. The first time that happened she should have been out the door.

Give her an ultimatum, on the proviso that if she disrespects you in any way before the leaving date, you'll chuck her out immediately.

You need to get tough on this. You are doing yourself a massive disservice by putting up with this shit.

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/04/2024 19:18

YANBU OP

Also…I’m not sure why you are so concerned about him moving out…he’s an adult that’s what he SHOULD be doing, no?

Gymnopedie · 28/04/2024 19:18

It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children

Nobody's pretending it's easy. But you have two choices:

You tell them both that their time is up. You will no longer be abused and have your home treated like a doss house. You won't forever be wondering what one of them might do next. You will start to feel safe again in your own home and be happy to be there. You will feel relief that you put an end to it.

or...

You let them stay. You will continue to be abused and have your home treated like a doss house. You will forever be wondering what one of them might do next. You will never feel completely safe or at ease. You will know that you might as well have 'doormat' tattoed on your forehead.

Your choice.

Edited to add - I agree that the apology is because even they have realised they've pushed it too far and their cushy number might come to an end. Not because they're genuinely sorry. Not that she can even bring herself to say the word.

Keely199 · 28/04/2024 19:20

Kick her out today and don't allow her into your home again the cheeky bitch she is are free loader speaking to you like that she needs a slap rude entitled brat tell you son to start paying board or he can leave self entitled rude sod get them both told now if they start ring the police.

TonTonMacoute · 28/04/2024 19:21

YANBU to want these young people out of your home, and you deserve to be able to live there without being abused and disrespected.

If you want her out, your son will go with her, you will have to face that fact. You want your nice, lovely son back, but he is an adult who needs to live his own life.
He will respect you more if you are strong, but it might be painful and messy in between.

Neverthetwainshall · 28/04/2024 19:27

Christ, my next door neighbour is enabling this with GRANDCHILDREN, smoking weed etc etc. the children came to live with her because the daughter is a fuck up and incapable, she is now ignoring shit behaviour and allowing the boyfriend of the eldest to more or less move in, openly ignoring dealers outside the house FFS, she can't see that it's history repeating itself . You tell them in no uncertain terms to fuck off out I can't understand why you let them move in in the first place, it's not a doss house.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 28/04/2024 19:29

What a pair of nasty entitled shit bags...i have 2 sons aged 25 and 26 and if they treated me like this their arses would be out of my door so fast their feet would'nt touch the ground...come on Op find your anger and kick these 2 freeloading shits out of your home.

MariaLuna · 28/04/2024 19:31

Ridiculous suggestions of giving them 3 months (!!), a month, two weeks or however long to get their shit together. They're not going to change their attitude and suddenly become respectful. It's a pattern for them which does not change overnight.

1st of May is coming up OP, most rentals come up per month. Tuesday is long enough for them to get their shit together and for you to reclaim your house.

GirlyBassey · 28/04/2024 19:33

I have no advice just to say that I really feel for you. It must be awful to be treated like that in your own home. I am happy for you that your son apologised and promised to do better. I wish you so much luck moving forward.

olympicsrock · 28/04/2024 19:36

No OP she needs to leave. If you want to be incredibly reasonable you say that if she behaves she can stay a month to sort herself out.
If she is rude to you once more she will leave immediately

dapsnotplimsolls · 28/04/2024 19:37

Make it clear now that if they can't stick to the agreement, they have 24 hours notice to leave.

ArrrMeHearties · 28/04/2024 19:40

Tell her her time of sponging off you is done and to leave tomorrow. If your son goes with her then so be it

Zone2NorthLondon · 28/04/2024 19:42

Change the locks
bag their stuff up(do not check it out)
write them a letter for local authority that you’ve told them to go
They present to HPU as homeless
consider getting a mate to stay over to support you for a few days

Remembermetoonewholivedthere · 28/04/2024 19:45

Nicole1111 · 28/04/2024 18:34

If you’re giving them another chance you need to be clear about expectations of them and the consequences of not adhering to those. Then, most importantly, you need to follow through. For example, any more abuse and you will be out and if necessary I’ll be calling the police to request your removal.

Absolutely this op^^. Please be very careful.

I’m worried that someone who thinks if is ok to call the person who is giving them free lodging, vile, horrible, unrepeatable names is capable of something much worse, especially if she hasn’t felt the need to apologise to you in person?

And sorry but your son sounds like he is a potential physical danger to you. By forgiving them so quickly I am worried that you have in effect said “it’s ok to abuse me” and the next time will be much worse because they have got away with it once.

Are you alone with them in the house? If they are under the influence of drugs this could go very wrong as your financial support may be enabling them to buy more and get deeper in to addiction. Have you evidence of their savings?

What are the realistic chances that this situation will improve op, seriously?

If I were you I would be inviting a strong friend or family member to move in with you to even up numbers.

6pence · 28/04/2024 19:50

Be strong op. They’ll treat you how you let them.

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