Would you go next door if baby is in bed?

[Bloodyfreezinng]

Next door neighbour has invited me a round for a glass of wine. DS will be in bed next door I have camera on his room so I can see him.

Would you go or not? Or does it feel to much like a Madeline McCann situation.

DS is 2

We went to a party (golden wedding anniversary, not a massive piss up!) in a massive house once, and we frequently stay at my brother's huge house. I'm fine at my brother's but at the party house they'd put us in the annex so it had a separate front door, and even though they were closer to me than at my brother's, I just couldn't relax so I went to bed after 10 mins. Annoyed the family who had purposely rented a big house so everyone could join in, but never mind!

@whistleblower99 so do you sit by your two year old all night in case they choke?

Do people think this is not okay then? It’s not even occurred to us as an issue as it’s in our garden 😐

It is fine. Tbh so is going next door. Actually it is the drinking part I do not like, you can lose your thought track.

Wouldn’t have touched a listening service in the past. A lot of crimes are inside jobs. The more ppl that know your child is alone and accessible, the more risk. If nobody else knows, they cannot tell anyone else who may be dodgy. Same as burglary and telling the builder you will be away or the taxi driver picking you up.

I have seen several USA documentaries, dc were abducted from the home when the parents were in the next room. Often when siblings or friends were in the room as witnesses.

I wouldn’t leave a child in a house alone, even with a monitor. As someone else said, a fire could start downstairs.

If god forbid anything were to happen, I’d also not want it on the news that I was next door drinking wine with the neighbour. It looks (and is) incredibly irresponsible and negligent.

I am quite shocked by the amount of people who openly admit to doing this though.

I don't think a lot of people are saying that they actually do this. Just that the risk doesn't seem high to them. A lot of people (me included) are posting about similar scenarios where they'd be happy

I wouldn't have to.

Completely agree.
Living in fear of absolutely miniscule risks, I don't know how any of them sleep at night. And the judgement of less fearful parents!

Mother decides to take four year old to McDonald's for dinner for a treat. It's about nine miles away, part on A road and motorway. Car crashes, child is killed. She didn't have to go, they had food in the house, better healthier food. Do you judge that mother as taking reckless unnecessary risks with her child?
Absolutely genuine question.

I think the above scenario is a lot more dangerous than being ten extra steps away from your child next door, even past a locked door. Its probably more dangerous to be asleep in the same house than awake next door.

The only thing I probably wouldn't do if I was the OP is drink the wine. I'm not a big drinker so no great loss but I like to be sober in case I have to drive anywhere. If I did want one glass though, this is easily mitigated with taxis.

I'd ask to pop him to sleep in her house then carry him home at the end if you really don't want to invite her to yours.

No. However the risk of interference and not hearing is high. Unless you live in a barn - brick walls between houses will impact signal. Especially if you’re drinking and lose your train of thought.

The risk of fire is minimal but what if it did happen and you couldn’t get back in?

Like another poster - we had a close call with an electrical fire. It was the fuse box. I’d never risk it.

This would raise safeguarding concerns with social services and of anything did happen you’d be looking at child neglect charges.

The fact that there are still a minority of people that think this is ok explains why social services are over run because of poor parenting.

The fact that there are still a minority of people that think this is ok explains why social services are over run because of poor parenting.

🤣 I really don't think this is the type of thing that social services are overrun by.

@Aria999 You can understand that this attitude could be part of a bigger picture of neglect?

@Bloodyfreezinng I’m not saying that about you btw. It’s good you asked here. I agree that it’s not ok to do this.

They are. It’s the bigger issue of parental neglect. Parents don’t just wake up one day and become neglectful; it’s a pattern of behaviour and selfish choices.

To the ones who think going next door is neglectful can they please answer my McDonald's scenario question? Is that also poor parenting to place child in a potentially catastrophic situation just for a trip to McDonald's (to feed them shit food)?

No that's not poor parenting. With you using that as your example, where would you draw the line? You would never go out. Would it be acceptable if they were driving to get a Mcdonalds grilled chicken salad? You may as well excuse any kind of neglectful abusive parenting if you're going by the logic that there's lots of potential risks. It's basic parenting to not leave a baby alone in a house.

But the risks to the child of this journey are likely higher than baby in bed with monitors. Parent had no need to go, they had food in the house.
Our assessment of risk is so interesting (and I would argue wildly off). It's like the baby in car at petrol station one. Parents who leave baby in car seat locked in car instead of taking them in to pay are vilified. And yet the baby is probably safer in the car than being carried across a busy forecourt.

Yes. I imagine it's the same distance as sitting in your garden of an evening.

I wonder if answers would have been different if OP hadn't mentioned one glass of wine...

I agree @Kendodd . People so horrified at some things and not others of equivalent or greater risk but can't really say why.

Why don't you work or watch a film in your actual house?

I'm not advocating helicoptering but if you have little kids it is better to be in the same building as them whether they are awake or in bed.

Yes and I would bet money that the 'I take zero risks with my children's safety' brigade have done five unnecessary things in the last week more dangerous than this.
It is odd though, that we deem an unnecessary trip to McDonald's along busy A roads an acceptable risk but baby in cot with monitor an unacceptable risk. Personally I have no problem with people making these judgement for themselves based on feelings (and let's face it, that's what they are made on). What I do have a problem with is the illogical vitriol aimed at parents who might judge the A road unacceptable and the cot acceptable risks for their child.
Life has risks and I for one will not let my life or my children's lives be limited by absolutely miniscule risks. I don't believe it does their mental health any good at all.

You won’t hear them choke on a camera in your own house. You might not notice a fire in your own house.

Madeleine McCann wouldn’t be my first thought - Deveca Rose would be. She nipped to the shops leaving her 3 and 4 year old children asleep in bed.

https://metro.co.uk/2021/12/17/london-mum-was-shopping-at-sainsburys-as-sutton-fire-killed-twins-15790202/amp/

She did not nip to the shops, I live less than a mile from that, it was a 10 minute walk to Sainsbury's.

She was gone a long time with no video footage available.

So stop comparing the two, they're totally different.

Stupid ridiculous "comparison" .

She hasn't even had her trial, so how you've got knowledge of how long she'd gone, I don't know.

The other thing I would agrue is more risky that going next door with monitor is the wine drinking. Hardly any posters have had a problem with this and completely overlooked it or deemed it an acceptable risk (drink wine in your own house). Personally, I wouldn't drink while in sole charge of a child.

You've very clearly not read the full thread......