Partner threw table and chair

[helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo]

Please help. In the context of an argument all morning about how my partner doesn't help as much as I need around the house and how I feel like I'm drowning, he has just picked up a dining chair and thrown it across the room and tipped the dining table over breaking my stuff and terrifying our small child. He's upstairs telling me to go away and leave him alone and it's my fault because I "kept going on at him".

Was this my fault? I'll admit I've been emotional and stressed lately and picking up on a lot of stuff he's not doing that I need his support with, did I drive him to this?? I don't know what to do I'm so scared

Call the police right now. This man is extremely dangerous.

TheSandgroper
Remember that he wouldn’t do this to his boss, his colleague, his subordinate, his customer or the barman at the pub

^^This

Absolutely unforgiveable. & in front of your child too. There is zero excuse. Look out for yourself and your child OP. It was awful, reading this. Get that pig out of your life and do better for yourself, you dont need this lazy rage-filled person anywhere near you. He doesn't deserve you.

& please remember, your child could mention this incident to people outside the home, and how she and you feel and were scared. So there's that.

Thank you all, you're so kind. Your replies have brought me to yet more tears. I'm currently sat in a supermarket cafe staring at food I can't eat, the tears won't stop. DD is with a close friend who has a child the same age, they're happily playing together. She's fantastic and has told me to take the time I need today while she looks after her for me. Feel so lost 😞

@helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo Please show your friend this thread with recommendations about your nextstep.

Please use her and her wisdom to talk through steps and figure out what to do next.

Of course you do. You have been violated by the one person who above all people is supposed to be on your side. You are probably in shock.

Take your time and be kind to yourself. Do not punish yourself for what happened. It is NOT your fault. Get as much help as you can. Talk to people.

Please, though, do not return to this man. Whatever promises he makes to you (and he will) and however much he says he will change and that he’s sorry, you must not go back. You owe it to yourself and your child to take whatever steps you need to remove yourself from a violent and abusive relationship.

Then his work here is done. That's what this display was intended to do - make you feel this way. He must be enormously proud that he has made a grown woman wet herself.

Now he's saying that he doesn't want to marry you. Threatening to take your future away to scare you more.

I have never been in this position. I can imagine that I would put up with a tremendous amount of shit in a relationship before I snapped, but making my child afraid? That's the line crossed.

You aren't being silly. You had every right to ask for more help. A simple no would have done, not an argument culminating in a chair being thrown.

Get out like the house is on fire. Get yourself and your daughter to safety.

Cross post.

I second other pp who say call the police.

Take care of yourself today.

Mate I'm so sorry. I appreciate it's easy for me to say, a complete internet stranger, but you need to leave. My ex used to do this. Scream at me, punch walls and doors, throw things. My DC was nearly 3 when I finally left - I got my ducks in a row, it wasn't easy and it took me months to get rid of him. But I cannot tell you how much better my life is without him in it, shouting and kicking off and terrifying me.

I hope you're ok. You're not worthless, he is.

Please, can you gather your thoughts and go the nearest police station?

Tell him that's fine, you don't want to marry him. Violence is never ever acceptable. Never.

Like others have said, please go straight to police. Please don’t go back until he is removed from the house. And take all the support that is offered, it will help build the strength you will need.

He’s right.

This relationship obviously isn’t working.

-You say he doesn’t help around the house and you feel like drowning.

-You were arguing all morning.

-The argument was so bad that it led to violent behaviour.

-The argument resulted in your child being scared and you wetting yourself.

-He’s blaming the argument on you.

In what world does any of that sound healthy.

I’m sorry about what happened but perhaps this was needed for you to both end things.
There is absolutely no way you can marry each other when the relationship is such a joke.

Text him and ask him to leave for a few days to give you some space.
Then work out your next steps going forward and how you can try and separate as amicably as possible.

@helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo Please, Please, phone the police now. Tell them what he did and you wet yourself because you were so frightened and he's upstairs while you and your 3 year old are downstairs and she too is really upset.

Hopefully they will come and at least remove him temporarily. Is the stuff from the table etc still as it was when it happened? If so, leave it until the police come so that they can see

This not your fault.

He is a grown man who is responsible for his own actions. Responding to your request for help around the house with violence is all on him. and it is inexcusable. You are not responsible for his actions.

Please also know it is not your job to placate him, apologise or in any way make him feel ok about what he did. If you do that now, it makes it easier for him to explode next time.

Do you have somewhere you and DD can stay tonight so you can calm down and gather your thoughts?

Ideally, he would bugger off but I somehow don’t think he’ll suggest it. Which again is a bad sign, as it shows he is minimising the impact he has had on you and DD. Any attempt to normalise this behaviour or blame you for being sensitive or overreacting is another big red flag.

You and DD are going to be ok ❤️

I am so sorry for what has happened.

Please don’t be embarrassed by wetting yourself. Has he done things in the past which also added to your fear on this occasion?

I hope you can get away from this pathetic excuse for a man. Take care.

Honestly OP, this is beyond a red flag. Please act on your instincts. I stayed with someone like this and it escalated over the years to strangling, kicking etc. It was always eventually followed by a huge apology and the gaslighting that it was because of me. I got out before he killed me but my adult children are still affected. Get out of it.

It's not your fault. He is the issue here. This relationship would be over for me.
Time to get your ducks in a row and start living life without him, creating somewhere safe for you and your child.

You poor thing. There is nothing you could have done to cause him to do that. His actions and anger are entirely down to him.

You need to leave him. You shouldn't feel like you are drowning in housework and family tasks with no help for a start, and that's without thinking about his horrendous behaviour. You deserve so much better. It's also not fair on your daughter to have her grow up thinking it's normal that mummy does everything and daddy explodes, and that this is ok.

Like everyone else I would call the police, it sounds like you need assurance you can safely return home. Tell a friend or family the whole of it, consider womens aid and have a think about what would need to be in place to leave him.

I'm so sorry my love😭. Honestly, no one wants a broken relationship after a child but there really is no choice here, you cannot stay with him after this. He didn't even immediately regret what he did. He will only get worse😢. Just try to leave as amicably as possible

@fairysarereal and lots of 'good men' end up murdering women. What a ridiculous reply. Always pay attention to emerging domestic violence and get help to separate.

I didnt mean to offend anyone sorry.

For the sake of your child leave him now. This is abuse and your child doesn't need to see this

If only for your child, leave NOW and stay safe. All the best.