Partner threw table and chair

[helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo]

Please help. In the context of an argument all morning about how my partner doesn't help as much as I need around the house and how I feel like I'm drowning, he has just picked up a dining chair and thrown it across the room and tipped the dining table over breaking my stuff and terrifying our small child. He's upstairs telling me to go away and leave him alone and it's my fault because I "kept going on at him".

Was this my fault? I'll admit I've been emotional and stressed lately and picking up on a lot of stuff he's not doing that I need his support with, did I drive him to this?? I don't know what to do I'm so scared

Well, he definitely is not planing to start helping you around the house. And he is making sure you don’t ask again, for fear of repercussions.
I’d be heavily rethinking this relationship, everytime you ask him to pull his weight you will now fear agression from him. This is no way to live.

Please leave OP. This is domestic violence/abuse. You have seen your DD's reaction to this, go before he hurts you/her physically and mentally. Lots of love xx

I’m so sorry. You must be really shaken up by this. Absolutely not acceptable that he lost control, and he cannot blame that on you. Abusers will blame you for their actions, it’s what they do.

You need to get away from him - are your parents near by?

Domestic violence. Please get away from him as soon as you can with your child, go see friends or family. Contact womens aid. You are not safe under the same roof as him.

It is very typical behaviour for an abuser to blame the victim, to shift the focus away from themselves and to put themselves forward as the victim. But violence is the fault of the abuser, them and them alone.

You must log this with the police op, in order to protect your daughter as well as yourself. He did this in front of her, and it will have been traumatic for her too witness. His behaviour needs to be documented for the future, as it will be relevant when considering custody/access etc.

I'm sorry, you must be feeling awful. But do not question if this is in any way your fault. It is not. Would you tell your daughter it was probably her fault, if this happened to her in a future relationship? No.

Police now. He has been violent and you have a 3 year old in the house. Tell them you were so scared you have wet yourself and he is upstairs. They will come out immediately and take him away.
Do you have family nearby? Good friends? If so phone them while you wait for the police.
This is not your fault. He is a nasty abusive man who was content to scare the shit out of you and his child. Get him out before he does it again, and be very grateful he doesn’t want to marry you.

Remember that he wouldn’t do this to his boss, his colleague, his subordinate, his customer or the barman at the pub.

He did this because he knew how it would make you feel and that’s the bit he wanted. And he will want it again and again because he is up there remembering that feeling and how much he liked it.

Take the advice and follow the instructions given here.

It is not your fault. He chose to do this to purchase your future obedience. He is expecting you to change your behaviour to avoid setting him again. You have received the message that to keep your child from distress and yourself from harm, you won't ask him to pull his weight again. You also got the clear message that next time he could physically hurt you or your child. You will be good now.

He told you he doesn't want to marry you? Well you don't want to marry him, this is domestic violence and how you act today is going to set the path for the rest of your and DDs life.

You ring the police or go to the police station to have him removed. You contact women's aid. You bag his stuff up and drop it off at a family members. If it's his house you bag your and DDs stuff up and you leave. If you haven't where else to go you book yourself in a Premier Inn for the night you need thinking and planning space.

You have to, the relationship is over. There is absolutely no coming back from this. If he loved you and was a good father he wouldn't have acted on such a way. You will forever be in fear of a repeat event, DD will live in fear of a repeat event you will both walk on egg shells until one day in the not to distant future it will be you or DD being thrown to the floor and broken.

You are not the worthless one, would you do this to him? Would you behave like this in front of your child? No you wouldn't. You are not the problem here. He has terrified you and your child and you need to call the police so this is recorded and leave. Anywhere is better for you and your child than here.

You need to end the relationship and get him out. If you were that scared, how does your tiny child feel? Tell someone in real life what's happened so it's harder to brush under the rug. Is there anyone you can stay with? If he won't leave, you'll need to. Grab a bag of important stuff - papers,passports etc and get out of there today.

You need to show her that the way to deal with violence in a relationship is to end it.

You are in shock right now and it is hard to think clearly.

Ultimately this is not a situation your relationship can recover from. Nor should you even try! You definitely dont need to marry an abuser like him.
Have you got family or friends nearby you could go to?
What is your housing set up? Mortgage? Rental? In whose names?
Have you got your own access to money?
What items did he break? Take photos.
Don't pretend to your child that daddy is sorry. It will not really help her.

Today is going to be hard. I really hope you have support nearby. Good luck.

No. You’re the strong, calm one. He’s violent.
Remove yourself and dd immediately to a relative or friend.
Log this with police.
He’s shown you what he is capable of so stand up for your dd and yourself, he won’t change.

as sad as it is for you now maybe you've dodged a bullet. You don't want to spend your life scared like this.

Agree you need to log this with the police. Then get to a place of safety and contact Women’s Aid.

And yes whatever else happens DO NOT MARRY HIM.

Please leave and go and tell somebody in real life as they can help you. It us not your fault. He is abusive and today you saw who he really is. It will get worse if you stay. Build a much happier life for you and your young daughter away from this violent man. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Take care xx

Sending love and strength to you, so sorry this happened

You need to leave or call the police and have him removed.
Now he's set the fear you'll never ask him again to help and you will be doing it all alone anyway. No decent man would watch his wife struggle with house work and then when asked to help blame for being violent.

It’s him that’s worthless, he cannot even do his own share of housework.

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, he is the issue.

can you call the police?

You cannot get past this.

You will never be free in your own home - you will always be scared of speaking up.

Your daughter will learn that it's normal for men to hurt or frighten women when women criticise them.

You have to leave this abuser.

Please don’t condemn your dd grow up with a volatile violent man who reacts like that when asked to pull his weight domestically. Call the police, let them see the devastation (physically and mentally) and call on family to support you through it. Things will be much better one day (without him). Good luck 💐

That's probably for the best, really.

You're feeling shocked and scared, which is 100% understandable.
But you cannot remain in this environment with a child.

If he will leave, then that would be for the best. I'd not, then you need to find somewhere safe foe you and your child.

I can promise you that he is just warming up. This was his 'practise run' and he 100% won't stop there. He may well have shocked himself with his display of violence but that shock will soon disappear if there is no consequence and in a couple of days you're all made up
Phone the police, let them decide what to do

What is the housing situation, OP? Do you rent/own? Who is the on the tenancy?