Partner threw table and chair

[helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo]

Please help. In the context of an argument all morning about how my partner doesn't help as much as I need around the house and how I feel like I'm drowning, he has just picked up a dining chair and thrown it across the room and tipped the dining table over breaking my stuff and terrifying our small child. He's upstairs telling me to go away and leave him alone and it's my fault because I "kept going on at him".

Was this my fault? I'll admit I've been emotional and stressed lately and picking up on a lot of stuff he's not doing that I need his support with, did I drive him to this?? I don't know what to do I'm so scared

Of course they would be interested, it's domestic abuse, a child is involved and she could be in danger.

He has escalated his violence to shut her up, he isn't being a team player and she has asked for him to step up...this action is to make her never ask him again...

Honestly I would report to the police, yes its scary, but you need to show your daughter, that this isn't acceptable behaviour.

You could do it online if you didn't want to talk to anyone, but at least it's logged.

Yes they would. Even if you don’t pursue it this time it will be recorded. In my case when I gave statements I was asked about every incident I mentioned, had I reported? So it is relevant.

Nobody is trying to justify it. People are just trying to understand the dynamics because it can sometimes explain why things happen. What you need to understand is that on Mumsnet if a woman threw a chair because her partner had been on and on at her for weeks they'd all be blaming him, calling him an abuser, telling her to leave him and saying she was perfectly justified in throwing something and telling her not to worry about it.

In which case I think you're being given some really bad advice on here because you can't just throw him out. He has as much right to live there unfortunately. The fact he never did anything like this before and there's never been any previous history of abuse or contact with the authorities is unlikely to meet the threshold for the police forcing him to leave for domestic abuse either. You can't just throw someone out of their own tenancy just like that.

There was a thread on here yesterday asking people to stop giving incorrect 'legal' advice from someone who works with vulnerable women and spends hours unpicking all the wrong advice they get on forums telling them to do things they just can't do legally. I would recommend looking for the thread because the author dealt with these situations for a living and can give you proper advice on next steps x

No they wouldn't. You're being ridiculous and you ARE trying to justify his violent outburst. I've read many threads over the years where women get just as flamed for any physical violence and are told their partner should leave them or call the police.

"Context" is what makes women take all the other considerations and weight them against one incident. It was domestic abusers encourage so you never leave. Ignore these disgusting posters who either have no idea what violence like this feels like (ignorant) or they do know (feeding off your mental pain).

How are you and your daughter this morning OP? Did you manage to get some sleep?

Yes they would and you know it as well as I do. Have a look at previous threads about practically the same thing.

Hope you and your girl are doing well this morning. Why don't you two go out for breakfast or lunch together today? Gets you both out of the house and gives you some girly time together x

Hope you're ok OP.

It's absolutely not your fault. I don't care how much you were "nagging", unless you'd locked him in all he had to do was leave the situation. No partner or child should have to live in fear.

You need to end this relationship. It’s domestic violence as others have said.

How are you feeling today OP?

Echoing what other posters have said, you do need to report this to the police. Him blaming his outburst on you is terrifying.

When my children were 8 months old and 2 years old their dad attacked me because I couldnt stop the baby crying, then toddler started crying because her dad was so angry

It wasnt the first time he had hurt me, or even the 50th, ( together 7 years )

I literally only left because my 2 year old tried to pick me up off the floor, crying and shaking she apologised to me, thinking it was her fault. I told her it wasnt her fault, I said sorry to her and promised she would never see anything like that again. And she hasnt

About 6 months ago ( shes 9 now ) I was holding her like a baby and she randomly, started speaking in great detail about the attack, even knowing what colour the couches were and that we had 2 prams in the front room. Holding her like a baby unlocked an awful awful memory for her that she had blocked out. I honestly had no idea she would remember

If you report it to the police, you can go to the council, explain and they will help you move. We were in a hostel for a few months, then temporary housing for a few years then got a private rent.

We moved 50 miles away and started a new life, he was convicted in court and court ordered him not to contact or communicate with me or any child of the family

He isnt going to change and this is just the start. I know it's scary, it is it's awful, but you need to dig deep, find your strength and Make plans to leave

You'll be okay and there is a beautiful peaceful life waiting for you and your children, you just need to be really brave and take that step x

You haven't 'whined on.' You've expressed the feelings that you are being overwhelmed by working, housework and caring for a young child. If he disagreed, all he had to do was talk to you and find out why you are feeling that way; but in any reasonable household, if both parents are working, then childcare and housework is 50-50

He's gaslighting you - he carries out a serious attack on you, and for some reason, it's your fault?

Please don't lump all MN in the same group. If it were the other way round I.e a man saying a woman threw chair and table etc I would say exactly the same. It's unacceptable, he is not safe and neither is the child. Whether it's a man or woman DV is just not OK. It destroys the children caught in the cross fire.

OP please listen. Call the police and at the very least have it noted. This is not your fault. I found out yesterday my sister was murdered by her boyfriend, her body being pulled out of the local river and he is in court in the morning. You don't think it can happen to you and your family until it does. He started off small and escalated until he killed her and there was nothing we could do. Please call the police, please xx

Oh my goodness
@MrsHaaland
That is horrific.
Sympathies to you all.

@helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo I hope you are ok today.
'Nagging' was probably just you asking for him to do his share. Repeatedly because he wasn't doing anything like enough. Hope you can get to safety soon

I'm so sorry for you and your family, it's truly shocking.

I'm so sorry, what a horrific thing for your sister and your family. Please be careful posting in a public forum though in case it affects the prosecution and trial.

Calling the police is setting boundaries though.

Oh this broke me to read, I'm so sorry you and your babies had to go through this, and so glad you all got out and made a new life for yourselves.

I think the fact that she was able to speak about this with you shows that she knows she is safe and comfortable with you and that's amazing. You're doing great x

@helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo, I think this is a great comment to read. It's not too late to change things for you and your girl, you really do have an amazing life waiting for you both. It's hard and scary to take that leap, but it's so worth it in the end x

I'm so sorry, this is devastating. Please take time to process your grief and be kind to yourself. I hope your sister gets the justice she deserves x

Sending love to you and your family 💐

Get yourself and the child out of there That's not going to be the end of it

Please don't feel that way about yourself. It must have been terrifying and heart breaking.
Cuddle your baby and make plans to leave. You deserve better.