Partner threw table and chair

[helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo]

Please help. In the context of an argument all morning about how my partner doesn't help as much as I need around the house and how I feel like I'm drowning, he has just picked up a dining chair and thrown it across the room and tipped the dining table over breaking my stuff and terrifying our small child. He's upstairs telling me to go away and leave him alone and it's my fault because I "kept going on at him".

Was this my fault? I'll admit I've been emotional and stressed lately and picking up on a lot of stuff he's not doing that I need his support with, did I drive him to this?? I don't know what to do I'm so scared

My message got deleted also for just asking something just get a bit more backstory.
I am a woman and have been the one to snap because i was moaned at it drags you down day after day after day of constant going on until you cant take no more.
I was not happy with how i handled it but i just blow up i had reached my limit boiling point.
I didnt hurt anyone just my tv with a cup i just broke down.
Im not saying this what has happened to you op.
But it dose happen to people.

Sorry but that is really different. He did not throw it at you or near you. He did not blame you for it later, he was contrite. Both of those things make a massive difference.

Remember this OP - how powerful that is. That is how your partner made you feel.

@Atethehalloweenchocs He did blame me in the moment, he was contrite later.

I accept that this was a more serious incident and as her fiancé said that he didn’t want to get married, the relationship may be over.

Sorry then, @BruFord that was not how I read it. It must have been very upsetting. Glad you managed to work through it. Doesnt sound so positive for the OP.

I'm assuming you didn't wet yourself with fear?

The fact that OP did suggests to me that she felt at very serious risk of harm to herself or her daughter.

@Atethehalloweenchocs I felt conflicted sharing my experience, because I know that in the majority of cases, any sign of violence is a huge red flag and that the relationship should end.

I hope that the OP can talk this through with a trusted person and make the best decision for her.

Make a plan to leave /end the relationship.

He's shown you a side to his behaviour if you stay you are accepting that side . It will continue and the likelihood is it will get worse.

If he promises to change it's important to remember people don't change for other people they change because they want to. If you are willing to tolerate this behaviour there's no need for him to change.

@Winter2020 No, but people react differently, don’t they? I was frightened as my DH is much larger and stronger than me.

As I just said, I was conflicted posting my experience, but that’s what happened.

Please don't feel at all embaressed about this - it's an evoluntary response - you were in a super scary situation and your body automatically reacted so you could better defend yourself or run away. I hope you're doing OK and have spoken to people who can help you and your daughter stay safe.

It should be over! Instigated by the OP!

Just another inadequate and violent man and of course, some posters determined to blame the OP cos poor got at manz. Fucking disgraceful.

OP, if he doesn't do anything in the house you shouldn't be with him anyway. Please plan your escape. He will be watching how you respond to this violence. It will escalate whenever you ask for 'help'. You will soon stop asking and become a shell of yourself, if you haven't already. Get your daughter out of this or this will be her blueprint for her future relationships.

Thank you. Exactly how I feel. Numb and in shock. Just bursting into tears randomly at points. Me and DD are back home now. My friend has been incredibly supportive, even just taking DD so I could cry into my coffee and not need to be strong for anyone. Meanwhile he's acting totally normal, like it didn't happen.

I feel so low. 😢

To those saying have I reported posts. No I haven't. I feel so overwhelmed and numb I haven't even read most of them. Tuned out all the bickering and victim blaming as I have no headspace or emotional energy for it.

Not my intention to be snappy or to dismiss anybody's opinion.

I'm simply pointing out that there is a difference between damage of property and threat of violence against a person. The context makes the difference - i.e. whether OP felt that table was going to be thrown into her face or not.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It is not OK and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Is there someone in your family who can make aware of the situation and who can possibly take you and your daughter in?

What things were you asking him to do or support you with.

Maybe I have whined on and on for days about how exhausted and overwhelmed I am with carrying the bulk of the household and child responsibilities while still working a stressful job just like him. Maybe I have. So that justified me being genuinely fearful for my life in that moment, did it? When he launched 2 large pieces of furniture in my direction? I'll add that at the time, I was sort of trapped behind the table and he was in the way of my exit out of there so I couldn't do anything to defend myself. If he'd wanted to, he could have thrown it fully at me. Also my little girl was in the other room and he was blocking my way out where he was standing so I couldn't even get to her if I'd needed to.

It was fucking terrifying. I can't believe anyone could attempt to justify that behaviour. No matter how much "nagging" took place.

Oh OP this is one of the saddest things I've read. Not your fault and I wish the best for you and your daughter. I hope you get away from him. How scary for you. I'm glad you're friend is there with you. Massive hugs to you.

@Winter2020
I genuinely didnt know if the table might have been thrown in my face. I didn't know what he was going to do and as I've said, I was cornered at the time with him blocking my exit out of there otherwise I'd have ran. Hence why I froze in fear and wet myself.

Are you still in the house with him?

You and your child must come first OP. Please contact Women's Aid, and also report this to the Police, you will be glad you did down the line.

The fact that you wet yourself when he threw the furniture makes me think that this didn't come out of nowhere. I'd say that there is probably a long history of intimidation from him, even if he's never thrown things, you were already in a considerable state of fear in order to void your bladder.

This isn't going to go away, and it's likely to get worse. Before it does though, he will probably be very sorry, and give you lots of reasons not to leave him, but it will be temporary and you and more importantly your daughter will be living waiting for the next episode of violence. You have a responsiblility to your DD, this is literally a life changing moment for her because the way you deal with it will inform how she lives her life, for the rest of her life.

Please, I urge you, get professional help. There are people out there that have heard it all before, and know how to get you and DD out of there in the safest way possible. Seek them out and take what they offer.

Yes this are you still there op.

Ignore the posts which infer that this was your fault, it was not. Please don't let them stick in your head, it's not your fault.

To all those posters who are justifying this man's behaviour as just a reaction to her going on and that it is better than being hit. STOP ! this type of talk muddies the water. This man was violent, he scared his partner and child and then blamed her for it. This is not acceptable and saying stuff like that is why women struggle to leave. I was told by my ex's friends that we were both as bad as each other, when I dared to stand up for myself knowing it would antagonise him. How does my words justify being hit ? My ex would punch holes in the wall to intimidate when he was getting angry and then stop me from leaving if I tried to go. Smashing things and being aggressive are never acceptable