Partner threw table and chair

[helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo]

Please help. In the context of an argument all morning about how my partner doesn't help as much as I need around the house and how I feel like I'm drowning, he has just picked up a dining chair and thrown it across the room and tipped the dining table over breaking my stuff and terrifying our small child. He's upstairs telling me to go away and leave him alone and it's my fault because I "kept going on at him".

Was this my fault? I'll admit I've been emotional and stressed lately and picking up on a lot of stuff he's not doing that I need his support with, did I drive him to this?? I don't know what to do I'm so scared

@Trulyme
I'm not pregnant with a second? Haven't said that, I'm not sure where you got that from

OP, I showed your first post to my DP and said, "that would be it for me. Finished. And he'd be lucky if I didn't call the police".

DP looked at me like I was insane and said, "you SHOULD call the police".

Just in case you need a yard stick of the reaction of a decent man as well as the many, rightly, angry women on here.

Thank god he doesn't want to marry you anymore. I suspect he'll change his tune quick enough when you actually walk out of the door and end it but please don't get sucked back in. He just won't want to lose his convenient household appliance.

And get it on police record so that you have it in evidence when it comes to custody and you can better protect your little daughter.

Thinking of you.

@helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo
I really think you should get to somewhere safe today - don’t wait for a next time. Accepting it even once normalises it. You shouldn’t excuse it to your daughter either. Don’t tell her daddy is very sorry if he isn’t. Do you have no family to go to? Both my parents used to do stuff like this and yet they stayed together for our sakes…they certainly weren’t doing us any favours and we wished they would just separate. Violence against objects is still violence in the home and is absolutely terrifying as you don’t know if it will progress to violence against people. I will never forget my dad reefing a radio cassette player out the front door to smash down the garden in anger. Never mind that he never laid a finger on me…I was terrified of his anger. So damaging for kids and we were always on edge waiting for the next time.

Don’t live in fear, don’t let your daughter live in fear…absolutely do not marry this guy and please get out of there today 🙏

Acting normal and pretending it didn’t happen is a test. He’s counting on you being too scared or embarrassed to raise it with him. It will probably be a downward spiral of violence and submission for here. You’ll need to be the one to take charge. Raise it now if you feel strong enough or from a safe distance.

However tempting it is to go along with pretending it didn’t happen, your relationship won’t be the same again.

"Nagging" is a word used by men to blame women when they are called out on laziness and avoiding responsibility.

But you have gone back to the home where he is? Why? You need to take yourself and your child out of this situation,or get him to leave,you are not safe.

Call the police on him.Stand up for yourself.

Erm because it's mine and my child's home and we have nowhere else to stay?

If you call the police there is a reasonable chance they will offer to remove him.

You need to get him out or if you can’t, you need to leave. Don’t expose yourself, and more importantly, your child, to this.

There is never, ever any excuse for throwing things in anger.

Then stay and live in fear of this happening to you again or to your child next time.
Or call the police and get him out at least for a night.

Call the police op. They will remove him.

He is a danger to you and your child...

Have you spoken with the police OP? If not, it’s important that you do.

This will happen again if you stay put with him. He wasn’t thinking about your daughter today when he did this. What if she had been physically hurt? She has already had to witness violence directed at you. I know this isn’t what you want for her.

It's just too raw to act today and that's okay. Many people take years to gear up to calling the police after abuse. Please do call women's aid tomorrow for some specialist confidential advice.

That sounds really scary. I know it sounds extreme but you need to make a plan to leave, because what he did was extreme.

An old colleague of my told me about her ex husband. He used to do things like that until one night he picked up with bed side locker and threw it at her, she was pregnant at the time. She said she waited until he fell asleep and actually drove to his parents house who were and have since been a huge support to her.

Leave before he hurt your or your child.

Please go to your friend's house. Please please phone the police, tell them what he has done and that he is still at home. Follow their advice. Please x

This.
It's just a way of shutting you down & further subordinating you.
The man knows that one insult from him will shut you up, he knows this because he has done all the groundwork to destroy your self esteem and crush you.
He deliberately keeps you in a permanent state of fear. Violence towards you when you are pregnant with a small child, this is horrifying, of course you lost control of your bladder*, you are in a constant state of high and debilitating alert

(*If he's ever on fire dont ever piss on him and if you ever get chance rip his head off and shit down his oesophagus- only joking)

This is eerily similar to a scenario discussed in 'Why does he do that?' by Lundy Bancroft. A man is violent towards his family because he's been reminded it's his turn to do the washing up. He ensures that he is never asked again. His family are terrified from then on. I'd recommend a read OP, it's available online as a free pdf. Please do phone women's aid when you feel able to. They will listen , they won't tell you what to do, and they can help you explore your options in terms of keeping you and your daughter safe.

who owns the property you live in ?

Either tell him to leave and report to the police later or call the police now and get him removed from your property. It’s domestic violence and your child witnessed it too. If he stays your not doing the right thing but yourself or your daughter you are putting her in danger having him there

@helpmepleaseidontknowwhattodo I think perhaps that poster phrased it badly, it's not why have you gone to your home, but why have you gone back while here's there...IE. YOU NEED TO GET HIM OUT. Go back, stay in your home, but make steps to get him out. Have the Police remove him. Report him. For your Daughter's sake, please.

Can you ask him to leave?

You and your child have just been the victims of domestic violence. The person you are supposed to be able to trust most in the world has become a predator. It is hugely traumatic for both of you.

If he felt his anger growing uncontrollable, the correct response would have been to remove himself from the situation. All he had to do was call a time out and leave the room or home to go calm down.

Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. There is no coming back from this. This will happen again, next time you or your child may end up hurt. Neither you nor your little one deserve to live in fear. You have to end it and one of you needs to leave.
Could you stay with your friend just for tonight? I would contact the police and explain what has happened and that you are scared to be in the house with him. He should be the one to go but he might not without a fight and yours and lo’s safety is the top priority xxx

You need to leave him. I'm so sorry. Sending hugs.

Sorry I don’t know where I got that from!