MIL coming to stay with added extra

[Babycatsmummy]

I'm heavily pregnant with my first baby and always knew that my MIL would be coming from Italy to stay with DP and I. We've had many arguments about when that time would be.... he is very traditional and wanted his mum here for when the baby arrives, but I wanted her to come after his paternity leave so we could get used to the huge change in our lives and bond with our baby.
In the end i felt like I really didn't have a say, tickets were booked and she's arriving imminently.

I called her to ask if she needed me to get her anything as I was going shopping and she dropped the bombshell her best friend is coming back with her and staying for a few days, she will share the guest room with her. I was taken aback a little as obviously, at the moment my emotions are all over the place and I'm spending the majority of my time walking around in my big nanna knickers and vest tops as pretty much just resting as it's all I want to do. The thought of added guest, someone I hardly know and having to look after them as well has really upset me.

I asked my DP if he was aware and he said he wasn't, but what is the issue? She's a very close family friend so his mum shouldn't have to ask. I pointed out it's respectful and courteous- this isn't her home it's ours and I could go into labour at any point now. The best friend has her own family in the area she could stay with so I asked him if he could just politely ask his mum to see if the best friend could stay with them and he's refused.

I feel really upset and a little put out that DP isn't seeing things from my perspective and is siding with his mum. He's told me I'm not being fair!

Am I being unreasonable to asks he stays somewhere else?

Hang on... so she has just been living in your home for almost 2 months and you've had to wait till she's decided to leave? Jesus wept 🤦‍♀️ your OH really is useless isn't he? Ew.
Boundaries mi dear, try them.

@Iaskedyouthrice read all the OP's posts... MIL has been living with another relative and just coming over for visits. OP put boundaries in place 2 months ago.

She moved out when the OP had baby @WiddlinDiddlin , it hasn't been mentioned since. Nevermind the upset caused when the OP was due and everything that came with that eh? I'll say it again, her OH is useless.

Oh goodness. She sounds like she has some unresolved issues but in a way you know that your baby has another adult on the planet that will move heaven and earth to make sure they are alright which is lovely in a way.

But dear god she sounds like hard work. And zero boundaries. You will need to stay really strong and not let her get in the way of your instincts. Don’t let make you doubt yourself.

Well done for setting boundaries and not just rolling over. That would have been so easy to do, especially when in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy.

Im glad she is going and hopefully because of the distance she won’t be too tricky to live alongside from now on. fingers crossed.

Im glad she is going and hopefully because of the distance she won’t be too tricky to live alongside from now on. fingers crossed.

Definitely!

Congrats, OP!

Your DP and MIL have both behaved like straight-up cunts. Bollocks to 'cultural differences'; he's just thoughtless and she's entitled and boorish. I'm really pleased that you called his bluff and moved out.
I wouldn't let the MIL stay again unless she stops washing and cleaning when she's been asked not to.

ALL OF THIS

She’s not stayed at yours though has she? Why is she there while you’re sleeping?

Yes, I wondered too.

Omg poor you! I am a very private person and would be furious if this was done to me. Your husband should back you up. Although la mama in Italy is more respected than the wife. Do you get on with her? Is she a lovely Italian lady? I hope so because it is a very important precious time for you.

Oh nevermind! I now read your updates.

That is wild OP! I would be furious. From what I know of Italians though the matriarch is in charge and families are very close so they may not see this as an issue- and you may not have any luck complaining about it. I think you need to just see to yourself whilst they are there, claim you feel very tired and unwell, certainly don’t play hostess, cook or clean for anyone.

She probably tried to have a nap at the same time as the baby.

She's gone! I did feel bad when she came to say goodbye, she was really upset to leave DS. If she hadn't have been so overbearing then things could've been lovely during her visit.

To answer some of the later posts... she stayed at her cousins house and came up to me at certain times in the day to help with household chores whilst I napped when DS did. She would always be here when DP finished work to cook and clean up.

So now reality has hit and I'm on my own during the day trying to navigate my way through mum life 💙

You’ve been quite lucky in some respects … I was thrown in at the deep end and had no support at all when DD was born…
Just be sure to still sleep when you can. The housework can wait! Partner can take up some of the slack.

Enjoy this time as a family. You’ll be fine you and your dp sorting it all out. Not having the stress of your mil will be a weight off your shoulders.

I have been lucky yes, at times she was a great help and I appreciate all she did. But there were lots of times she overstepped the mark and caused a lot of tension and unwanted stress.
her grandson adores her though and she’s been so brilliant with him.