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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL coming to stay with added extra

567 replies

Babycatsmummy · 26/04/2024 19:12

I'm heavily pregnant with my first baby and always knew that my MIL would be coming from Italy to stay with DP and I. We've had many arguments about when that time would be.... he is very traditional and wanted his mum here for when the baby arrives, but I wanted her to come after his paternity leave so we could get used to the huge change in our lives and bond with our baby.
In the end i felt like I really didn't have a say, tickets were booked and she's arriving imminently.

I called her to ask if she needed me to get her anything as I was going shopping and she dropped the bombshell her best friend is coming back with her and staying for a few days, she will share the guest room with her. I was taken aback a little as obviously, at the moment my emotions are all over the place and I'm spending the majority of my time walking around in my big nanna knickers and vest tops as pretty much just resting as it's all I want to do. The thought of added guest, someone I hardly know and having to look after them as well has really upset me.

I asked my DP if he was aware and he said he wasn't, but what is the issue? She's a very close family friend so his mum shouldn't have to ask. I pointed out it's respectful and courteous- this isn't her home it's ours and I could go into labour at any point now. The best friend has her own family in the area she could stay with so I asked him if he could just politely ask his mum to see if the best friend could stay with them and he's refused.

I feel really upset and a little put out that DP isn't seeing things from my perspective and is siding with his mum. He's told me I'm not being fair!

Am I being unreasonable to asks he stays somewhere else?

OP posts:
Nanaof1 · 08/05/2024 09:23

@Babycatsmummy

CONGRATULATIONS on the birth of your precious baby boy!👶👶💙❤

VJBR · 08/05/2024 10:12

Congratulations. Enjoy this special time.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/05/2024 11:05

Congratulations on your lovely baby and on making sure you had the birth you wanted. x

LemonyFace · 08/05/2024 11:18

Congratulations 🎊 💙
Delighted to hear that great news.

KidsandKindness · 08/05/2024 12:01

Fabulous news OP, many congratulations. Do come back and let us know how the visit on Friday goes, won't you?

alrightluv · 08/05/2024 12:12

Fantastic news. Many congratulations. So glad mil is out of the picture.

PinkArt · 08/05/2024 12:38

What a lovely update all round. Congrats to you on the birth of your lovely baby and congrats to your other half for finally realising how badly he was fucking up!

Playinwithfire · 08/05/2024 14:16

Congratulations 🎉

Hope you get plenty of rest ☺️

ButterCrackers · 08/05/2024 16:16

JFDIYOLO · 08/05/2024 08:44

Congratulations!! How lovely. All the very best to you all. 🤗

And congratulations on taking your rightful place as the woman of the house.

So good to see your DH has realised he is husband & father first, son second, and his mother has finally done the right thing.

Do not lift a finger to prepare for her visit. You're all about resting, healing and bonding, now. You say how long and what happens. Make sure he knows that if you feel it's time for her to go, he backs you up.

I hope he's cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry etc?

I think that the MIL only left because they can’t have guests more than two weeks as per the agency contract. The op found this out and told her dp. The mil and friend left. I don’t think that was from a sense of doing the right thing but being forced out by the contractual obligations.

Youtwodeserveoneanother · 08/05/2024 17:46

Reading this has made me very happy. Hope you enjoy getting to know your lovely baby boy. 💐

Soosi · 08/05/2024 19:19

Well done, Congratulations. Glad all is going well for you.

StaunchMomma · 08/05/2024 19:22

Congrats, OP!

So glad to hear you and the little one are doing well.

Stay focused on you and don't let anyone break your bubble! These first few weeks are so precious.x.

strawberry2017 · 17/05/2024 11:53

How are things going op?

Babycatsmummy · 18/05/2024 21:11

strawberry2017 · 17/05/2024 11:53

How are things going op?

Hello!

Things haven't been too bad.

I put in place times in which she could come and help me out, mainly when baby is sleeping so I can get some sleep! She's been doing cooking and washing etc but we've had a few run ins! She refuses to wash any of his clothes in the washing machine and hand washes them....not sure how she's done it but she's ruined a few of his clothes with what looks like bleach on them.... so I said to her please stop hand washing, it's better to put them in the machine as he's had a few accidents on some of his clothes. I caught her trying to give him his first bath after his cord fell off so I had a bit of a hissy fit 🙈 she likes to try and tell me what to do.. how to change his nappy and dress him etc. we've had a few unannounced visitors and she doesn't seem to like other people holding baby so constantly says " do you want me to take him??" But DP has been really supportive and tells her to pack it in when she oversteps.

I'm finally feeling ready to go out for a walk in the sunshine with him when we get some.

He's a really good baby though and I'm coping really well so hopefully he will tell her to foxtrot Oscar back to Italy in the coming weeks 🙈

OP posts:
Oldtigernidster · 18/05/2024 21:14

Good to hear you are doing so well and keeping her in her place. Enjoy your walk in the sunshine when it happens.

KidsandKindness · 19/05/2024 00:32

Thanks for coming back to tell us how things are going OP. Still sounds like she's trying to take over. I'd put a stop to her washing LO's clothes altogether, as she doesn't sound capable if she's managed to ruin things while washing by hand.

A word of warning! With people like your MIL, give them an inch and they'll take a mile, so be sure and keep those boundaries FIRMLY in place.

ButterCrackers · 19/05/2024 14:26

That’s a good update. Keep firm boundaries. If your MIL keeps handwashing clothes tell her to leave. Just say only come back when you don’t wilfully go against my childcare instructions. Never let her forget what she did to you. She’s selfish as disrespectful to you. Keep her in her place.

RampantIvy · 19/05/2024 15:35

Hide the bleach.

T1Dmama · 19/05/2024 22:46

Babycatsmummy · 18/05/2024 21:11

Hello!

Things haven't been too bad.

I put in place times in which she could come and help me out, mainly when baby is sleeping so I can get some sleep! She's been doing cooking and washing etc but we've had a few run ins! She refuses to wash any of his clothes in the washing machine and hand washes them....not sure how she's done it but she's ruined a few of his clothes with what looks like bleach on them.... so I said to her please stop hand washing, it's better to put them in the machine as he's had a few accidents on some of his clothes. I caught her trying to give him his first bath after his cord fell off so I had a bit of a hissy fit 🙈 she likes to try and tell me what to do.. how to change his nappy and dress him etc. we've had a few unannounced visitors and she doesn't seem to like other people holding baby so constantly says " do you want me to take him??" But DP has been really supportive and tells her to pack it in when she oversteps.

I'm finally feeling ready to go out for a walk in the sunshine with him when we get some.

He's a really good baby though and I'm coping really well so hopefully he will tell her to foxtrot Oscar back to Italy in the coming weeks 🙈

Think I’d tell her to leave the washing and to just pop in for an hour for a cuddle while you load the machine.
She sounds like a bossy mare and I think I’d cut her short with a little ‘sorry but I don’t want your opinion on this!’

T1Dmama · 19/05/2024 22:56

Congrats on your son x

Babycatsmummy · 09/06/2024 23:51

Hi everyone! I thought I'd pop on and give an update.

We've made it to 7 weeks and she's finally going home this week. To say I'm relieved is an understatement 😂

We've had some very interesting moments from her deliberately getting outfits wet I'd chosen because she thinks they were too small or he'd be too cold so she could put him in something she wanted to me screaming at her for coming into the bedroom when we are both sleeping to check on him but waking me up 😩.

I walked into the living room a few days ago to find her holding him and crying because she doesn't want to go home and a part of me felt really sad for her. Living away from your first grandchild must be tough. But then I remind myself of some of the things she's done and remember it for the best.

DP has been supportive 95% of the time but the mummy's boy in him sometimes does still prevail!

I think I could definitely write a book on my experience of an over bearing MIL and I'm sure I'll be laughing in years to come remembering all of this!

OP posts:
KidsandKindness · 09/06/2024 23:59

When does she actually leave OP?

alrightluv · 10/06/2024 00:05

@Babycatsmummy I can't believe she's still there 😳 I hope she does go soon.

Babycatsmummy · 10/06/2024 00:12

@alrightluv tell me about it! When she said to me during the week “ I think it’s time I leave now” I almost cried with happiness!

OP posts:
alrightluv · 10/06/2024 00:37

Haha she must have seen the glee on your face 🤣