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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL coming to stay with added extra

567 replies

Babycatsmummy · 26/04/2024 19:12

I'm heavily pregnant with my first baby and always knew that my MIL would be coming from Italy to stay with DP and I. We've had many arguments about when that time would be.... he is very traditional and wanted his mum here for when the baby arrives, but I wanted her to come after his paternity leave so we could get used to the huge change in our lives and bond with our baby.
In the end i felt like I really didn't have a say, tickets were booked and she's arriving imminently.

I called her to ask if she needed me to get her anything as I was going shopping and she dropped the bombshell her best friend is coming back with her and staying for a few days, she will share the guest room with her. I was taken aback a little as obviously, at the moment my emotions are all over the place and I'm spending the majority of my time walking around in my big nanna knickers and vest tops as pretty much just resting as it's all I want to do. The thought of added guest, someone I hardly know and having to look after them as well has really upset me.

I asked my DP if he was aware and he said he wasn't, but what is the issue? She's a very close family friend so his mum shouldn't have to ask. I pointed out it's respectful and courteous- this isn't her home it's ours and I could go into labour at any point now. The best friend has her own family in the area she could stay with so I asked him if he could just politely ask his mum to see if the best friend could stay with them and he's refused.

I feel really upset and a little put out that DP isn't seeing things from my perspective and is siding with his mum. He's told me I'm not being fair!

Am I being unreasonable to asks he stays somewhere else?

OP posts:
Tigersonvaseline · 03/05/2024 12:04

@LemonyFace @lemonyfox @LemonyFace

Apologies I've confused your names

Shiveringinthecountry · 03/05/2024 14:22

Wow, OP! I've just read all your updates and I'm absolutely thrilled that you've felt able to sort this all out! I know it can't have been easy, but I think your approach has been perfect. You showed DP that you would not put up with his bizarre behaviour, you did what you told him you were going to do and in the midst of all that you're still finding room in yourself not to try to exclude MIL entirely from the birth of her grandchild. Hat's off to you - I'm really happy for you and I hope this is the start of a whole new way of being for you and your DP 😀x

alrightluv · 03/05/2024 15:08

It was @lemonyfox I was agreeing with 🙈🤣
It's good reading a thread where the poster stays strong. There's often so many where they are obviously not listening. Hopefully one day they do say enough is enough?

justasking111 · 05/05/2024 18:55

@Babycatsmummy I'm hoping that you're cuddling a baby now

Babycatsmummy · 08/05/2024 03:14

Hi mumsnetters!

Just letting you all know that my darling baby boy was delivered via emergency c-section on Sunday evening.

He's absolutely beautiful 💙

DP was present and after the tough time I've had I think it kicked his ass a bit and he has been amazing! MIL vacated to her cousins house on Monday and I was discharged yesterday due to some complications.

I know she's very much itching to come over but obviously I'm very sore, sleep deprived and emotional so I've said she can come Friday but only for an hour as I have a very hungry baby who doesn't like being away from my boob!

Xx

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 08/05/2024 03:26

Congratulations OP !
Glad your DP saw sense at last and is supporting your wishes and needs.
Long may it last.

Newestname002 · 08/05/2024 03:51

Woohoo!! @Babycatsmummy!! 🎉

Glad to hear all's well either way you and your very new son - and that your DP is being more supportive - long may that last. He has different priorities now. Congratulations! . 🌹

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 08/05/2024 04:56

Congratulations OP. You've done great laying down your boundaries. I hope it works out for you all.

Olika · 08/05/2024 05:24

Congratulations! Enjoy this new chapter. 🙂

Zonder · 08/05/2024 05:55

Congratulations! And well done to your DP for finally coming to his senses!

Chocolatestain · 08/05/2024 07:15

Congratulations, that’s fantastic news. And well done for standing your ground. You can properly enjoy this precious time with your new little family now. 💐

frecklejuice · 08/05/2024 07:20

Amazing news! Huge congratulations and also well done to you for standing up for yourself. Enjoy this little newborn bubble 💙

MoltenLasagne · 08/05/2024 07:26

Congratulations! I'm glad you've come back to a MIL free house, what a relief.

OpusGiemuJavlo · 08/05/2024 07:32

Huge congratulations! You have done brilliantly.

I wonder if DP can advise her that if she arrives on Friday with at least 3 or 4 days of dinners that can be just taken out of the fridge and heated, and if she manages to get through that hour on friday without criticising, belittling or guilt-tripping either of you, then that could go a long way towards mending bridges.

Americano75 · 08/05/2024 07:41

Congratulations! What a lovely update, enjoy your beautiful baby.

Anyotherdude · 08/05/2024 07:43

Congratulations on having the birth you wanted and delivering a healthy baby.
You did the right thing and absolutely deserve to be waited on hand and foot for, oh, about the next 30 years by your “D”P for the sh*tshow he tried to put you through!
Well done for sticking to your guns, OP!

Wallywobbles · 08/05/2024 08:04

Congratulations 🎉🎈

Thursdaygirl · 08/05/2024 08:09

Congratulations OP!

ButterCrackers · 08/05/2024 08:15

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. I hope that all will go well for you and newborn. Stay strong against the MIL one hour is one hour. Make sure she washes her hands before picking up your baby. After the agreed time tell her to leave. I’d also say to tell her that you’re doing this because of her attitude towards you in her taking over your home before the birth. Let her know that her actions now have lasting consequences. You are wise to her and will always keep firm boundaries against her lack of respect. Tell her that she will never be staying in your home again.

diddl · 08/05/2024 08:40

Congratulations!

Good luck for Friday!

Whatsitcalled38 · 08/05/2024 08:41

Congratulations you absolute hero among women!

So happy for you!

Look after yourself and your baby , you're the absolute priority.

JFDIYOLO · 08/05/2024 08:44

Congratulations!! How lovely. All the very best to you all. 🤗

And congratulations on taking your rightful place as the woman of the house.

So good to see your DH has realised he is husband & father first, son second, and his mother has finally done the right thing.

Do not lift a finger to prepare for her visit. You're all about resting, healing and bonding, now. You say how long and what happens. Make sure he knows that if you feel it's time for her to go, he backs you up.

I hope he's cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry etc?

diddl · 08/05/2024 08:48

I think that even if you got on well after what you have been through a rethink might still have been in order.

Sometimes you just need to know that you can get up & get on at your own pace without having to feel that you need to be up & about & "presentable" & making small talk!

Fortunefavoursthebrave · 08/05/2024 08:52

Congratulations! So glad DP finally stepped up. Long may it last! Enjoy every precious moment with your new baby

CanaryMary · 08/05/2024 09:08

Congratulations and well done for sticking up for yourself! I hope your dh has realised what a nightmare his mother is and can be more supportive of you and his child in future