Husband walking into the house still on work call

[Barktip]

DH works long hours, has an hour + drive commute and always has work on the brain.
something that has been riling me is that he will use the commute to make phone calls that he then continues as he walks into the house.
I don’t know why it winds me up so much-it just seems rude to me and the kids
He will say that the alternative is sitting on the drive to finish the call which is marginally better but really I want him to acknowledge that what can’t fit into a 12 hour working day should probably be left for another time and that he needs a division between work and home.
(predictive typing just suggested divorce instead of division which might be quite appropriate!)
what should I say to him (if anything?)

And then be even later home??

People complain about high earners but aren't willing to do the hours or life the required lifestyle that is required

Completely agree. A lot of people aren't cut out for it, hence they don't earn as high

Please share your experiences of having a spouse who works long hours, while you wait for him and how you coped with it.

Calling people shit is less than useful.

So teachers shouldn't take marking home, no-one should take work home? I do think some people make an art form of being needy!

I find people expecting big hellos and smiles when coming in the door or leaving more OTT.
It's forced imo.
Most genuine people I know need 10/ 15 mins to relax after getting in the door.
Someone saying hello to me as I walk in makes no difference to my mood.
It's what has happened during the afternoon that alters it.

Will everyone on this thread please read the EVIDENCE that making calls hands free is AS DANGEROUS AS NOT BEING HANDS FREE BECAUSE IT DIVIDES YOUR ATTENTION.

Passengers can see what you see. They automatically stop expecting a response when you are merging or at a roundabout etc. callers cannot. Plus your brain is using more attention to account for this.,

Stop risking lives. Your phone call is not more important than other's safety

www.open.edu/openlearn/digital-computing/hands-free-phone-tech-dangerous---so-why-do-car-firms-still-promote-it

Start your own thread

I'm going to CONTINUE TO USE MY PERFECTLY LEGAL HANDS FREE SET UP!

Thanks!

Perhaps all the PP who think you are being ‘ridiculous’ have never experienced this.

It would make me furious.

DH and I had our own version of this narrative, and in the end I had a serious chat with him about the fact that when he comes home he does have a responsibility to acknowledge all of us and spend a little time (we’re talking 10min) with us before carrying on.

Anyone who works in a city job where you a service provider being paid £1000+ an hour by a client...

There's no point debating things to be honest with people who don't have demanding jobs.

Anyway I do this all the time, as does my husband. Sorry but everyone wants to be at home as soon as they can in the evening. Much nicer to take a call in PJs or change out of work clothes while on a call than stay on the office an extra hour THEN start heading home when it finishes. What a waste of time

@Behindthescenesnow

Then you are very selfish

Here is the link to the peer reviewed study in an academic journal for those, like me, who prefer to read evidence at source

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1369847816000085

Thanks for the capitals. I wouldn't have been able to understand your post without them 🙄

🤷‍♀️

You're quite strange!

Thinking you can come on SHOUTING your own thoughts and deciding what people should or shouldn't do!

Are you this SHOUTY and BOSSY IRL?

It's as dangerous as talking to other passengers in the car or having your baby screaming in the back.

Obviously much better to be 1000% focused on the road, but just not realistic in most scenarios

@usernother great response! I should've said the same

So he’s worked a long day, probably desperate to come home, and you want him to sit in the car up to half an hour after getting back because you don’t like hearing him on the phone? Sorry, YABVU.

People don’t seem to realise the global nature of companies

I work in a senior role in USA. Company

my day can start with calls at 7 to colleagues in Asia pacific and end late in evening with calls to colleagues in the USA ( California)
some or meetings with many people so you can’t just say oh sorry the wife says I can’t speak now
sometimes I’ll do exactly what op dh dies, use the drive home to ge on a call and finish it at home. Others I’ll be wfh but then won’t finish up in study till later

its not disrespectful.

op is being ridiculous

@ladykale

No you're not correct. The cognitive load and the way you divide your attention on a phone call is different to chatting to a passenger.

It's roughly equivalent to a very screamy baby but we also know we can ignore those. The point is, if you're on a work call, too much of your attention is given over to it, more so than chatting to a passenger.

My dh used to do this and I hated it too. You hear the door, the kids (and i) get excited to say hello, and he comes in distracted and busy. Then he needs space to get changed etc so the kids are waiting ages for him to just say hello to them, the vibe in the house gets stressed and its not fun. We just wanted to connect with him after the 10-12 hours since we saw him.

Dh changed it up to finish his calls before he comes into the house, blocks of 30-90min to just be with us, then he gets back to it if he needs to for a few hours once the kids are in bed. Its much better this way. It felt important that he blocked that time for us, and everyone benefits.

It's good if you can get away with that. Sometimes it's not possible

@millymollymoomoo

Pls read my links. Driving and making calls dangerous.

Pls make your calls when you get home.

And yes, I work in a multi time zone company in a corporate job, I understand being vair, vair important

oh dear. A wife that has a hardworking husband. Not on here moaning about money or violence in the home, just he works hard

you said predictable texting says divorce.

be careful what you’re wishing for.

perhaps you should say, go straight into the bathroom, do what you have to do, shower and put the clothes on that is left in there for you, either t shirt and shorts, pjs, or dressy up lets go for a drive and a meal clothes, if you have young children it’s McDonald’s or the Toby Inn, but you are being a family

As an example. Let’s say I leave work at 3 and then on the 45 min commute home I answer emails (before people start yelling I don’t usually drive home- I take public transport- and when I do drive I am obviously not answering emails!) Then as I did last week I deliberately scheduled a call for 4 as soon as I got in. So got in at 3:45, said a quick hi, made a cup of tea and went in to my study. Done at 4:30 so now I am free for everyone and I can go downstairs and be with the kids.

The alternative is that I scheduled the call at 3, finished at 3:30, did 45 mins of emails till 4:15 and THEN left work. And it didn’t work for the other person to schedule at 3 anyway so in reality I wouldn’t have left work before 4:30.

And both DH and I do an hour or so of work, sometimes more when the kids are in bed. That’s life. But scenario 1 means that 4:30-7:30 we are there for them, to make dinner, to join in family life.

@Behindthescenesnow

Yes I am shouty when it comes to safety and people not dying young.