Husband walking into the house still on work call

[Barktip]

DH works long hours, has an hour + drive commute and always has work on the brain.
something that has been riling me is that he will use the commute to make phone calls that he then continues as he walks into the house.
I don’t know why it winds me up so much-it just seems rude to me and the kids
He will say that the alternative is sitting on the drive to finish the call which is marginally better but really I want him to acknowledge that what can’t fit into a 12 hour working day should probably be left for another time and that he needs a division between work and home.
(predictive typing just suggested divorce instead of division which might be quite appropriate!)
what should I say to him (if anything?)

@Winningatpatriachychicken seriously, just start your own thread. You’re being weird about this.

If you start your own thread you might actually change some minds, but by gatecrashing this one and banging on about it you are more likely to push people in the other direction.

YANBU. DH always finishes his in the car. From the moment he steps through the front door, DS is, quite rightly, all over him.

So that's why it's perfectly legal to use hands free and the police can't fine you?! That's why we have technology that allows us to make calls whilst driving, why cars are fitted with said technology. Take your issues up with the police, the car firms that fit hands free tech in their cars, Halfords who sell the tech to allow people to make calls whilst driving.

I also don't need lots of studies pulled off the Internet thanks.

The being on calls is secondary to the real issue, though I agree calls should end in the car or at the workplace.

Somehow he needs to work shorter hours, however that is achieved. Be it learning to say no to things, or agree to do it at another date, or however.

Man provides for his family and still gets moaned about.

I think you are being unreasonable. I say this as someone who works long hours and it sometimes annoys my DH, but I don't work long hours because I want to and am a workaholic, or because I'm not efficient during my working day. It's because of the workload, and because that is the expectation in my sector. The flip side is it pays well and therefore contributes a lot to our mortgage and lifestyle.
I work on my commute (train ride) home so I can be at home and we can eat dinner together - if I waited until I had absolutely finished everything at work before leaving the office I wouldn't be home until 9pm/10pm or later. Sometimes of course I've mostly finished during the commute but not quite and have a little bit more to finish up when I get in. Again, just trying to do what I can to get finished up at work and home in as short a time as possible, which I'm sure your DH is doing, so maybe cut him some slack.

Woman works full time and picks up the home load but apparently isn't providing for family due to lack of testicles.

Man Works therefore must be excused every bit of selfishness or bad management due to lack of ovaries.

You don't have to be in a 'big and important' job to take calls at home.

My DSis manages a shop - she gets calls when the alarm goes off, from staff who are off sick or are asking for support, from clients and suppliers. Sometimes they are routine and can be pushed back into the working day. Sometimes they are emergencies. Often you've been missing someone all day and manage to get hold of them.

How impressed would you be if you turned up at work in the morning to find out the computers were down, the alarm had been going off all night, your stock hadn't arrived, you hadn't been paid etc Because a problem arose close to 5:30 so your boss didn't resolve it.

But just to add as I see you've agreed it's more the work / life balance thing - I completely agree with you there and 100% wish that there was just a point that I could be done for the day. Technology has meant those of us who do office jobs are always contactable and whilst I love hybrid working and the ability to wfh some days, it also means that the expectation from clients and colleagues alike is there is no off time, because even if you've gone home for the evening you've still got your laptop. I'm still relatively junior but as I do get more experienced and senior I'm more comfortable with knowing that certain emails that come in in the evening - even if from a client - can be left until the morning, but the flip side I'm seeing as I get a bit more senior is if I have junior people still working on something and they ask me a question, I feel like I can't leave them hanging there working but needing my help on something, and so I'll always get back to them (unless it's more a case of the whole thing can wait until the morning, in which case I'll clearly tell them that so that hopefully they feel comfortable logging off for the evening too). My company pays lip service to something called the Mindful Business Charter about not sending emails that can wait, but it is just lip service because 1) we have clients that expect unreasonable timeframes and they're not about to say no thanks them and 2) the whole financial model relies on us having a fairly heavy workload overall, and at times far too much work, to make up for the rare times we are quiet.

Hands free is dangerous. Your mind is still distracted.

https://www.open.edu/openlearn/digital-computing/hands-free-phone-tech-dangerous---so-why-do-car-firms-still-promote-it

Absolutely. If this was a man moaning that his wife was on a work call and not paying him attention or helping with the DC, he would be told to get a bloody grip of himself.

Sorry yabvu. this is the nature of many senior jobs (those who say its gets easier are kidding themselves- you get more and more responsible for client calls at all hours.) presumably these long hours come with a very good pay package that supports his family. (yes I know you work too but I assume he is not exactly doing long hours for fun.)

I would much prefer to have DH working and on calls at home than stuck in the office or the call until the wee hours because god forbid he can’t speak to me too while on calls! I think you’re being really unfair when he’s clearly trying to be in 2 places at once, it’s not like he’d rather be hanging out with his work colleagues than you.

if you don’t like his job, ask him to go for a role with easier hours and accept the pay cut on your lifestyle. Or if you fundamentally think he’s not well paid enough to work 13+ hours a day - make that clear to him. But if he’s in a certain kind of profession, I’m afraid that is often what it takes (especially in this economy).

Yes, I'm sure there are some very important people who can stop working at 5.30 and pick it up again next morning at 9.

Should all these losers below try and do the same?:

A surgeon on call.
Anyone working for an international company.
A social worker.
Anyone involved in the leisure/nighttime economy.
A lawyer working on an important deal or case.
Anyone working for a retail business open past 5.30pm.
A care worker.
A paramedic.
Anyone managing a night shift.
A senior police officer.

Yeah but this would NEVER HAPPEN. A woman wouldn't swan in from work after 6pm after being out all day, and carry on with the 'big important job' stuff, ignoring her husband and kids.

As if a man would be at home, doing domestic chores and looking after the kids, while wifey swans in from her big important job and ignores them all.

LMFAO wouldn't happen! 😆

And are people attacking da poor menz?! 'awwwww' head tilt...

I would imagine if the OP's husband was any of these she wouldn't have started the thread. And I did say it would be necessary to take a call in rare circumstances, he's made a habit of it.

I must have imagined my mum doing it most days then

My dad was often the one to pick me up from school and do dinner while my mum worked late - and yes, she often came home from work on a call (or having to go straight upstairs to make one as her bleep had gone off again).

But of course, if you say it never happens, then it never happened

Seems a bit of a petty issue to get riled over tbh.

What century are you living in? Plenty of women have important jobs or are the main breadwinner.

What about single people? Yes, I sometimes have to swan in and carry on with work and ignore my DC. I don't want to, but I do want to keep my job and that sometimes means prioritising that over my family.

BINGO! 😆I wondered how long it would be before someone came and said this. I bet myself it would be within 45 minutes. I won! 🤑

You said: "Unless he's taking these calls within normal working hours (up to 5:30ish), only in very rare circumstances is it necessary to take a call after this."

This is patently nonsense not just for the roles I listed off the top of my head but for thousands of jobs in hundreds of sectors that don't fit your 9-5.30 paradigm.

I must have been imagining all the successful, senior women I've had work calls with outside normal working hours, often obviously at home. Also the multiple SAHDs I know. Not sure who you think your infantile sarcastic language helps but your underlying assumption, that men gravitate naturally towards professional environments and women naturally put the domestic sphere first, certainly doesn't help women trying to build careers.

Seriously if a man whined that his successful businesswoman wife was still on a work call when she got home and didn't pay him attention immediately he'd be dragged up and down for being needy and self-absorbed.

In the TINY minority of women being the breadwinner (and da menz staying at home and doing all the domestic chores and childcare,) like fuck would the woman come in from her big important job and carry on with a terribly important work call COMPLETELY ignoring her family. Come off it. Wouldn't happen. Men do it though, because they are terribly important.

Ok, so we disagree. I think that was obvious though.

I've literally told you I do it. It's not about being important. It's the nature of the job, which some people here get and others don't.

Tv drama examples of self important career women.
The Split and Doctor Foster.