Husband walking into the house still on work call

[Barktip]

DH works long hours, has an hour + drive commute and always has work on the brain.
something that has been riling me is that he will use the commute to make phone calls that he then continues as he walks into the house.
I don’t know why it winds me up so much-it just seems rude to me and the kids
He will say that the alternative is sitting on the drive to finish the call which is marginally better but really I want him to acknowledge that what can’t fit into a 12 hour working day should probably be left for another time and that he needs a division between work and home.
(predictive typing just suggested divorce instead of division which might be quite appropriate!)
what should I say to him (if anything?)

Good for you 👍

I can see why you think a conversation can be easily stopped. When I show you how your premise is wrong, you reply with "I disagree." And it's not even 5.30.

Witty and smart. I concede.

Get away with your ‘TINY’! You only have to go on any salary-related thread to know how many women are the breadwinners. Also OP never said she was completely ignored, just that hubby doesn’t say hello. If I’m on a call with a client I have to focus 100% or I will make a mistake; times I have been on a call at home and DH walks in with the kids he might get a cursory smile or eyebrow raise in acknowledgment but nothing more. Nothing to do with being rude, I just can’t think about anything other than the call while on it.

@CroftonWillow

I would imagine if the OP's husband was any of these she wouldn't have started the thread. And I did say it would be necessary to take a call in rare circumstances, he's made a habit of it.
All I can assume is that you have an extremely narrow knowledge of careers if you think calls past 5:30 are a rare occurrence.
Maybe get out a bit more.

You're having a different discussion to the topic of this thread. The OP's husband clearly doesn't have a job with unusual hours/night shifts or she wouldn't have started the thread. So it comes down to managing clients and colleagues expectations and his own priorities.

Your description of any hours outside of some 9 - 5.30 office job as "unusual" shows what a limited perspective of the world of work you have. The OP hasn't given us any indication what sector her husband works in.

I look forward to her adding this detail.

But still pull the same salary of course. Yes, that's how it works 🤔

@CroftonWillow

You're having a different discussion to the topic of this thread. The OP's husband clearly doesn't have a job with unusual hours/night shifts or she wouldn't have started the thread. So it comes down to managing clients and colleagues expectations and his own priorities.
This is a strange assumption. The OP hasn't detailed what industry or job her dh does.
It may well be completely typical for the type of role he has but she just doesn't like it.
I know lots of people who want good bits (high salary) but moan at the bad bits (sell your soul, work interfering with evenings and weekends, cancelled plans due to work commitments popping up)
For all we know, that's what's going on here.

Totally understandable op especially as probably your kids are excited to see their dad too but obviously can't go running upto him if on a call

@lemonmeringueno3 "... you could be trying to hang on to an upset customer, trying to win some important business, desperately relieved that you finally managed to get hold of that person you've been ringing all day, trying to sort a problem that means payroll will go through tomorrow, trying to sort a problem that might mean your IT won't be functional tomorrow if you don't, doing that thing you promised you'd do three days ago but forgot all about until now..."

What, every night just coincidentally at the same time as you're pulling into your driveway? Jesus the smell of bullshit here is nearly knocking me out. Once in a while it is of course reasonable that a call can't be ended, but the OP is not on about this happening once. It's every evening. I know people like this. These people arrive fucking everywhere 'on the phone'. They arrive at their next meeting on the phone, arrive at restaurants on the phone, arrive at the gym on the phone. It is performative cock swinging "look how important I am - I am needed constantly on the phone". Get over yourself. Plan your calls and politely bring them to an end and few miles before home. Wind down and greet your spouse and children like an adult. Then pick up the mantle of ruling the world again after you've had your effing dinner.

@C8H10N4O2
"Spot on. The more senior you are the more control you have over how you manage work.

Occasional escalations just as you hit the front door are one thing, routinely arriving home then ignoring your family for half an hour is rude and probably bad workload and staff management.

I was the "DH" in terms of paid work, I managed my workload and teams to keep certain times clear for the family. I never arrived home and then ignored the family as a routine practice because they were important to me.

I find this thread fascinating - the immediate assumption that the DH is in a big important job and the OP is "only" a SAHM who must comply with any behaviour from the DH if he claims its work. The OP works full time as well and if DH can't manage his paid work hours will be picking up the home load as well. If he can't manage his workload he may be in a "good" job but I'd bet its middle management which tends to be the holding point for managers who struggle with this."

100% agree

They were examples. I didn't think I needed to list every possible reason why someone might be on a phone call that they can't immediately terminate, in every possible profession. If you try hard I bet you could use them to come up with some reasons of your own.

@lemonmeringueno3 if the call is so important, sit in the car on the drive, finish your and then give those in the house your full attention.

The chances of their being a serious emergency call every evening is slim so returning from work on the phone smacks of poor planning, or inflated ego. Probably both.

Every time techy people invent something to make our lives easier (cars that connect to phones in this case) people end up doing more work.

I do not have an inflated ego and I am not poor at planning.

I am receiving calls all day. Sometimes these come in while I am driving home, or I am still trying to reach people who have been unavailable all day. Sometimes it is an emergency but usually it is just important, or something I would rather deal with straight away for my own peace of mind rather than thinking about it overnight or pushing it into tomorrow's workload.

I guess I could sit in the car as some have said it is rude and disrespectful to walk into my own home whilst on the phone.

But I have just asked dp and he laughed - thought the person at home making their partner sit in the car was the one being rude and disrespectful actually. So I'll stick with what works for us and let op decide what works for her.

@Superlambaanana

@lemonmeringueno3 "... you could be trying to hang on to an upset customer, trying to win some important business, desperately relieved that you finally managed to get hold of that person you've been ringing all day, trying to sort a problem that means payroll will go through tomorrow, trying to sort a problem that might mean your IT won't be functional tomorrow if you don't, doing that thing you promised you'd do three days ago but forgot all about until now..."

What, every night just coincidentally at the same time as you're pulling into your driveway? Jesus the smell of bullshit here is nearly knocking me out. Once in a while it is of course reasonable that a call can't be ended, but the OP is not on about this happening once. It's every evening.

I know people like this. These people arrive fucking everywhere 'on the phone'. They arrive at their next meeting on the phone, arrive at restaurants on the phone, arrive at the gym on the phone. It is performative cock swinging "look how important I am - I am needed constantly on the phone".

Get over yourself. Plan your calls and politely bring them to an end and few miles before home. Wind down and greet your spouse and children like an adult. Then pick up the mantle of ruling the world again after you've had your effing dinner.

Exactly this ^ @lemonmeringueno3 Excellent post! No-one needs to be on the fucking phone ALL the time, and every night when they have just got in from work - for an HOUR. Such bullshit. They CHOOSE to be. As you say, it's so they can look oh so terribly important. 🙄 These are the same tw@ts who don't bother responding to messages from friends and family, because they are 'too busy.' LMFAO! 😆 CBA more like.

@lemonmeringueno3

So I'll stick with what works for us and let op decide what works for her.

well that’s exactly the point isnt it?! OP has decided it’s rude and then gets 200 posts telling her she’s “pathetic”, “controlling”, “ridiculous” and telling her to “cut him some slack” or “smile”.

Intermingled with dozens of posts by women stating how important their DHs are and implying that none of the women posters (OP included who has already said she works FT!) could possibly understand how big, important, manly jobs work.

I mean really FFS?! It’s so misogynistic and sexist.

100% this. ^

It's his house too. If he wants to make work calls from his own home why on earth shouldn't he?

YABVU.

Some people keep work and home separate and others don't.
I know couples that about 70% of their chats / conversations are about work.

Lol!!

Typical mumsnet post.

OP stating something that is clearly twat behaviour by a man! Skip to page 11 of comments and it's turned in to a bun fight!

If you're on an "important work call" why would you walk in to what could be a busy environment with all manner of household crap going on (from hoovering, kids crying/screaming/tv/radio/opera rehearsal, etc) and expect quiet/privacy when you walked away from that in the car????

That's disrespectful to the home and very disrespectful to the person on that call!!

Surely, in the evening whilst at home in the kitchen, and you answer a work call, do you then expect everyone to shut up or do you leave the room? Surely, it's leave the room because you're problem, not the people already in the room!!

I think when men who work long hours walk into their house they should be available to their children and parenting. Not ‘home’ but totally unavailable so everything is still on their wife. Who works too.

If you're on an "important work call" why would you walk in to what could be a busy environment with all manner of household crap going on (from hoovering, kids crying/screaming/tv/radio/opera rehearsal, etc) and expect quiet/privacy when you walked away from that in the car????

At no point has OP suggested her DH expects quiet, or that he lingers in shared spaces once in the house. Functional adults know how to hit the mute button on our phones long enough to walk from the front door to an office or bedroom.

Her DH has offered to remain in the car to finish his conversations and OP dislikes that solution as well.