Page 7 | Husband walking into the house still on work call

Barktip · 2024-04-26T17:53:22+00:00

DH works long hours, has an hour + drive commute and always has work on the brain. something that has been riling me is that he will use the commute to make phone calls that he then continues as he walks into the house. I don’t know why it winds me up so much-it just seems rude to me and the kids He will say that the alternative is sitting on the drive to finish the call which is marginally better but really I want him to acknowledge that what can’t fit into a 12 hour working day should probably be left for another time and that he needs a division between work and home. (predictive typing just suggested divorce instead of division which might be quite appropriate!) what should I say to him (if anything?)

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:26

@cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers "says to the other person 'my time is more important than yours"

Walking into your home on the phone says to your family "you are not even important enough to me to say hello to". How sad. Surely the more 'powerful' someone is, the easier it will be for them to explain they need to say hello to their children.

I saw a meme recently which said "the world doesn't need anymore 'successful' people, it desperately needs more decent people.

Behindthescenesnow · 28/04/2024 08:27

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 07:57

@lemonmeringueno3 What is so difficult about saying to the person at the other end of the phone "Im nearly home now so will have to go" and if the call really is important, "I will call you back after I get into the house/ I will call you back first thing in the morning". Then arrive (and immediately exit the car, not sit on the driveway continuing a call) and greet your family in a way that at least shows you can pretend to be a human being who cares about them.

All this performative fuckwittery of 'important business calls which cannot be ended' is only ever carried out by people with overly inflated opinions of themselves.

Take a look at yourself!

Wow!

Easy tiger!

So much anger!

cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers · 28/04/2024 08:27

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:26

@cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers "says to the other person 'my time is more important than yours"

Walking into your home on the phone says to your family "you are not even important enough to me to say hello to". How sad. Surely the more 'powerful' someone is, the easier it will be for them to explain they need to say hello to their children.

I saw a meme recently which said "the world doesn't need anymore 'successful' people, it desperately needs more decent people.

My husband is successful AND decent.

He'll finish his call so he's happy, colleagues and investors are happy and he can greet and play with the children properly.

cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers · 28/04/2024 08:28

@Superlambaanana you haven't answered those who've asked what you do/what your husband does.

StMarieforme · 28/04/2024 08:29

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 26/04/2024 18:59

Give him a break. If he was staying on late at the office every night just to finish work calls before coming home you'd moan about that. It's not ideal but could be worse!

My thoughts entirely

StMarieforme · 28/04/2024 08:30

I have to do this sometimes.
Is he present once he's finally switched off his work brain? That would be the main part for me.

lemonmeringueno3 · 28/04/2024 08:30

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:26

@cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers "says to the other person 'my time is more important than yours"

Walking into your home on the phone says to your family "you are not even important enough to me to say hello to". How sad. Surely the more 'powerful' someone is, the easier it will be for them to explain they need to say hello to their children.

I saw a meme recently which said "the world doesn't need anymore 'successful' people, it desperately needs more decent people.

It is possible to be successful at your job and a decent person.

Often, the job is facilitating a lifestyle for your family. Sometimes, it is also important for your own wellbeing - it is what you trained and studied for, what you love, or a route to your true ambition. It might also be disastrous for your family if you lost that job, or if further progression began to look out of reach.

xSideshowAuntSallyx · 28/04/2024 08:32

He has an hour plus drive, I think that's a good use of the time to do calls(I wish I could do that). My Dad used to do the same. It would he highly unprofessional to end the call midway just to say hi to the wife which he can do once the call is finished.

At least he hasn't stayed on for another hour or more to do the call, then driven over an hour home so is even later which would be an issue I bet.

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:32

@cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers what I do or anyone else does is not relevant (I suspect you want to point out that my career is less important than your husband's and Im not going to rise to that).

I do think all your talk about 'investors' smells seriously like bullshit and it's more likely your husband has a moderately well paid job but you're both very pleased with you way you've turned out.

cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers · 28/04/2024 08:34

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:32

@cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers what I do or anyone else does is not relevant (I suspect you want to point out that my career is less important than your husband's and Im not going to rise to that).

I do think all your talk about 'investors' smells seriously like bullshit and it's more likely your husband has a moderately well paid job but you're both very pleased with you way you've turned out.

No. It's not bullshit. My husband earns £25k a month net.

He does not earn that by ending calls whenever he feels like it. It just doesn't work like that.

usernother · 28/04/2024 08:34

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:26

@cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers "says to the other person 'my time is more important than yours"

Walking into your home on the phone says to your family "you are not even important enough to me to say hello to". How sad. Surely the more 'powerful' someone is, the easier it will be for them to explain they need to say hello to their children.

I saw a meme recently which said "the world doesn't need anymore 'successful' people, it desperately needs more decent people.

My husband says hello to me when he's finished the call. I'm not so demanding that I insist he does it the moment he walks through the door if he's talking to someone else on a phone call.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/04/2024 08:35

MangshorJhol · 26/04/2024 19:01

Both DH and I have to do this sometimes. DH quite often. It is what it is. He’s a good dad, an equal parent and a husband. I don’t read anything into it. And whoever is at home shoves a cup of tea/coffee at the other one in solidarity.

This

ladykale · 28/04/2024 08:35

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 07:57

@lemonmeringueno3 What is so difficult about saying to the person at the other end of the phone "Im nearly home now so will have to go" and if the call really is important, "I will call you back after I get into the house/ I will call you back first thing in the morning". Then arrive (and immediately exit the car, not sit on the driveway continuing a call) and greet your family in a way that at least shows you can pretend to be a human being who cares about them.

All this performative fuckwittery of 'important business calls which cannot be ended' is only ever carried out by people with overly inflated opinions of themselves.

Take a look at yourself!

These threads are so pointless as they're written by people who just have no ability to conceive what these jobs entails.

No, you came just randomly leave a conference call with a ton of people on and say, l'll call all of hon back later.

The client who is paying you, has things to do the rest of their evening, so no they aren't willing to be told each day, led me call back in an hour. OP would then complain he was taking calls at home I'm sure!

Winningatpatriachychicken · 28/04/2024 08:36

Your husband is incredibly selfish and irresponsible making calls while he drives. Even hands free, studies show they are as distracting as being over the limit.

Not the same as chatting to a passenger at all, it's a cognitively different process.

Pls have him stop this awful behavior immediately.

Winningatpatriachychicken · 28/04/2024 08:37

xSideshowAuntSallyx · 28/04/2024 08:32

He has an hour plus drive, I think that's a good use of the time to do calls(I wish I could do that). My Dad used to do the same. It would he highly unprofessional to end the call midway just to say hi to the wife which he can do once the call is finished.

At least he hasn't stayed on for another hour or more to do the call, then driven over an hour home so is even later which would be an issue I bet.

Edited

No it bloody well isn't, taking calls when driving is dangerous.

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:37

@lemonmeringueno3 if you are at risk of losing your job because you bring a telephone conversation to a conclusion to coincide with arriving home to your family, then Id suggest you're not a very valued member of staff in the first place.

Alll the people on this thread defending this behaviour with 'oh if you're very high powered you can't end a phonecall' need to learn how to conduct phonecalls. They can be brought to a conclusion easily and routinely are for a variety of reasons- another meeting is about to start for example. It's blatant 'family is less important than my job' from people who have overinflated egos.

ladykale · 28/04/2024 08:37

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 07:49

There are some people who feel they always have to be on the phone to make themselves feel important, relevant, cement their identity as 'people who mean business'/ are professionals/ great networkers etc. These people are assholes.

There are people who talk garrulously and whose phonecalls go on far longer than they need to, wasting the time of everyone involved. These people are assholes.

There are people who are so pathetic and such people pleasers that they haven't mastered the simple art of saying to a work colleague, 'I'm sorry Ive just arrived home so will have to go now' and who would rather please the person in front of them than properly prioritise people in their lives. These people are assholes.

I can't think of any other non-asshole reason for your husband to continue his work calls. Even the most high powered/ life saving professionals don't do this. Do you imagine Rishi Sunak walks into the family apartment at No10 on the phone? I doubt it. I also doubt Chris Whitty walks into his family home on the phone.

So I'm afraid I feel certain your husband is an asshole.

Of course they do! What a ridiculous idea what rishi doesn't take calls at home or walk in on his phone. He certainly would have during his banker days.

This is why high earners should only be in relationships with other high earners who understand the lifestyle and what is required.

I bet OP doesn't mind spending the money though from his job... ridiculous!

CrazyHedgehogLover · 28/04/2024 08:37

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine and there his children to? Why should OP have to work full time and not get help? Why shouldn't she expect some level of conversation from her husband? He shouldn't be continuing work calls after a 12hr shift! His family should also be a priority.. pisses me off seeing comments like this! It shouldn't all land on OP because he wants to continue his work calls! Then apparently he moans about being stressed.. where is this fair on his family?

Behindthescenesnow · 28/04/2024 08:37

@Winningatpatriachychicken it's fine on hands free! Cars are all set up for it.

Works well!

chocolatenutcase · 28/04/2024 08:38

Goodness my poor husband. I feel so sorry for him. And my teenager kids.
I often do a 10-12 hour day and come home late. A quick tea and then back on work laptop for another couple of hours. Will do a few hours on Saturday and Sunday too to catch up on paperwork. It's either that or ending up fielding patient complaints because I haven't sent prescriptions, written letters, looked at results, which would cause me more stress and take longer to sort out. Unfortunately now, firms are cutting staff to the bear minimum to stay afloat and with mobile phones, laptops and emails work is seeping into what should be home life. FWIW i think you ANBU because I think everyone should have a decent work life balance but the current expectations in U.K. is a 24/7 society.

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:39

@ladykale who the f carries on a conference call in the car on the commute home and then continues it as they leave the car and walk into their house?! This is getting ridiculous now! Stay at work to finish important meetings!

SallyWD · 28/04/2024 08:39

So once he's finished the call, work is over and he spends time with the family? If that's the case, I think it's fine. I say this as someone who's married to a man whose job is insane. Yes he makes quality time for the family but he also works evenings, weekends, holidays etc. His work never stops so we can be on a family holiday and he'll need a couple of hours a day to keep on top of work. I don't really mind to be honest but the thought of him coming in to the house on a call and then finishing work for the night - sounds great!

Behindthescenesnow · 28/04/2024 08:40

CrazyHedgehogLover · 28/04/2024 08:37

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine and there his children to? Why should OP have to work full time and not get help? Why shouldn't she expect some level of conversation from her husband? He shouldn't be continuing work calls after a 12hr shift! His family should also be a priority.. pisses me off seeing comments like this! It shouldn't all land on OP because he wants to continue his work calls! Then apparently he moans about being stressed.. where is this fair on his family?

The second post says it's between 5 mins and half an hour.... not sure that means that OP
is doing everything?

ladykale · 28/04/2024 08:40

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:37

@lemonmeringueno3 if you are at risk of losing your job because you bring a telephone conversation to a conclusion to coincide with arriving home to your family, then Id suggest you're not a very valued member of staff in the first place.

Alll the people on this thread defending this behaviour with 'oh if you're very high powered you can't end a phonecall' need to learn how to conduct phonecalls. They can be brought to a conclusion easily and routinely are for a variety of reasons- another meeting is about to start for example. It's blatant 'family is less important than my job' from people who have overinflated egos.

What do you do for a living?

Do you work in a city job?

Do you earn at least £150-200k?

If not, you just have no idea what these jobs entail truthfully. Being home before 8pm can be a treat. Not having back to back calls in the evening can be the norm.

People complain about high earners but aren't willing to do the hours or life the required lifestyle that is required

cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers · 28/04/2024 08:40

Superlambaanana · 28/04/2024 08:39

@ladykale who the f carries on a conference call in the car on the commute home and then continues it as they leave the car and walk into their house?! This is getting ridiculous now! Stay at work to finish important meetings!

My husband has an investor in the US, a lot of the calls are outside of normal 9-5 uk hours.

Why can't some people realise this!