Husband walking into the house still on work call

[Barktip]

DH works long hours, has an hour + drive commute and always has work on the brain.
something that has been riling me is that he will use the commute to make phone calls that he then continues as he walks into the house.
I don’t know why it winds me up so much-it just seems rude to me and the kids
He will say that the alternative is sitting on the drive to finish the call which is marginally better but really I want him to acknowledge that what can’t fit into a 12 hour working day should probably be left for another time and that he needs a division between work and home.
(predictive typing just suggested divorce instead of division which might be quite appropriate!)
what should I say to him (if anything?)

I'm sure he has a very Important job

YANBU - if it’s happening on a regular basis. I had this issue as there wasn’t enough of a switch off from work so we made an agreement for my DH not to do this. Your husband already works long hours and talks on the drive home, he needs to stop when he gets home so he can give you the attention you deserve and make you feel a priority (not second in line to his work calls). If it’s not urgent it can wait until tomorrow.

Sadly this is just part of modern life now.

30 years ago the drive home was a chance to give your brain a bit of a rest and have a nice buffer zone between work and home. Today it's a 'good chance to catch up on calls'

I understand why it's annoying but that's what life is like for many People.

FYI If I was told to sit in my car on the drive, I'd drive to a hotel for the night.

I think it’s bad manners to enter a house on a phone call - whether it’s work or social.

The call should be ended in the car.

Probs best solution

Cut him some slack, feels like he’s totally maxed. Or suggest he gets a lower paid lower stress job and downscale your lifestyle.

There are job roles that expect this level of commitment, however this is often not sustainable long term and there is a high risk of it impacting their health and family life.

Don't be ridiculous! It's hands free in the car then when the engine is switched off, amazingly it reverts to the normal phone speaker.

OP I can’t believe how many people here would be fine with this (or say they would). It’s so important to have a division between work and family life, as I see it your real life is at home with your wife and kids and work is what you do to pay the bills. Having that moment of reconnection when he comes back through the door, and not being shushed off into another room while he continues a call isn’t too much to ask. How he manages this is up to him, but it’s not unreasonable.

Mine does this often and I don't mind a bit. Why should he have to sit in the car when he's just done a 12 hour day and is eager to get in. He finishes the call sitting in the hall.

So many red flags here. He is massively disrespecting you. Time to consider your options.

I now understand why divorce rates are so high.....

Yes, you feel ignored and that he is being rude. If he earns £££ in a demanding job with demanding clients, the encroachment into family time is an annoying thing you possibly have to put up with. But you can still set boundaries such as, come into the house ready to be part of the family. If the issue is just that he's obsessed with work and it's part of his ego/identity then, well, good luck

But you can still set boundaries such as, come into the house ready to be part of the family.

This is making a demand, not setting a boundary. An example of setting a boundary would be OP saying she won't be shushing DC or otherwise be in charge of controlling noise to accomodate work calls in the house, or that she won't pause her & the DC's evening routine to wait for him to finish. A more extreme version would be saying that she won't be married to someone who works more than an 8 hour day.

Boundary setting is important, but the trend of calling everything boundary setting is not a great one.

I can't understand pp who think he should sit in the car to finish the call. Why should he sit in the dark, cold, rain, whatever, when he could be inside his own home, maybe getting changed or putting the kettle on? Just because his dp doesn't want to overhear the end of a work call.

Ah - thanks for explaining that.

Can't he just tell the caller he is home and stop the call?

In some jobs it will breach confidentiality and be a disciplinary offence to take a work call where family or anyone else can hear it! May be that will make him take notice more than a plea about its being annoying.

It does irritate me sometimes when I collect my son from the tube and he is on a personal call on the journey. He usually ends it before he gets in but when he doesn't I feel like an unpaid Uber driver.

Oh come on. I know it’s not ideal. But better he gets home - than wrapping up in the office then getting in later.

But maybe that's not the case for either the OPs DH or your son?

No, I'd rather the latter.

I’m thinking, then he’s even later in to see the children.

He is rude and disrespectful.

I absolutely wouldn’t tolerate this other than very very occasionally

Would he have to sit on the naughty step if he did it too often?

So he has to leave work an hour later because you don't like him walking into the house while talking on the phone?

That's pretty controlling and unreasonable.

(I'm presuming the commute is 30 minutes and the calls can last up to 30 minutes inside the house, so he'd have to stay at his desk an extra hour before he could start his journey.)