Husband walking into the house still on work call

[Barktip]

DH works long hours, has an hour + drive commute and always has work on the brain.
something that has been riling me is that he will use the commute to make phone calls that he then continues as he walks into the house.
I don’t know why it winds me up so much-it just seems rude to me and the kids
He will say that the alternative is sitting on the drive to finish the call which is marginally better but really I want him to acknowledge that what can’t fit into a 12 hour working day should probably be left for another time and that he needs a division between work and home.
(predictive typing just suggested divorce instead of division which might be quite appropriate!)
what should I say to him (if anything?)

If his job is anything like mine he probably gets urgent calls with no notice so can't necessarily stay at the office until they're all done and then drive home as things will come up potentially any time.

If you're lacking adult company why not arrange childcare and go back to work yourself? It's unfair to begrudge the job that's allowing you to stay at home with the children. Presumably he'd rather not have to do evening calls.

That wouldn’t bother me. Sounds like he works hard and he doesn’t want to stay at work longer.

both of us work but Dh works longer hours than me. He often has calls and finishes work in the evening (social worker) and I feel lucky I don’t. He works longer hours, I do more with the kids. We support each other. In an ideal world he’d finish work at 5 like me but not everyone does.

For me, it would depend who it was.

A colleague - yes.

My boss - probably, would depend what we were discussing.

Customer or client - again, would depend what we were discussing and the point in the conversation.

Sometimes people agree that you should get off the phone, but ask you 'one more quick question.' Sometimes you really want their business, or to resolve their complaint.

I'm not rude and disrespectful. I drive home while making calls because staying at the office to make calls and then driving home would get me home later. Sometimes I'm still on the call when I get home but I don't want to cut someone off if the call is important. I don't see how any of that is rude to dp or disrespecting him. I think op is rude and disrespectful to expect him to stay in work or sit in the car.

You being silly. Just smile hello and let him finish the work call. Dh has this sometimes. It's life.

I agree with you. Can't believe op expects him to stay at work or in the car until he finished. If staying at work he be back very late.

My husband is the same, complete with a hand wave of silence. It winds me up but he's very senior and earns tonnes.
I'm not sure why I find it so annoying, but I do.

YANBU. Unless he's taking these calls within normal working hours (up to 5:30ish), only in very rare circumstances is it necessary to take a call after this. Basically he hasn't managed expectations with his clients/colleagues well.

There are some people who feel they always have to be on the phone to make themselves feel important, relevant, cement their identity as 'people who mean business'/ are professionals/ great networkers etc. These people are assholes.

There are people who talk garrulously and whose phonecalls go on far longer than they need to, wasting the time of everyone involved. These people are assholes.

There are people who are so pathetic and such people pleasers that they haven't mastered the simple art of saying to a work colleague, 'I'm sorry Ive just arrived home so will have to go now' and who would rather please the person in front of them than properly prioritise people in their lives. These people are assholes.

I can't think of any other non-asshole reason for your husband to continue his work calls. Even the most high powered/ life saving professionals don't do this. Do you imagine Rishi Sunak walks into the family apartment at No10 on the phone? I doubt it. I also doubt Chris Whitty walks into his family home on the phone.

So I'm afraid I feel certain your husband is an asshole.

to me that sounds like a dream. My dh works from home and will often work well in to the evening/night. It’s so stressful. I would be in heaven if he went to work every day and then was only working for half an hour max when he got home. I do get that it’s annoying though and that you want family time with him.

You're right to find it infuriating. He is an asshole!

@lemonmeringueno3 What is so difficult about saying to the person at the other end of the phone "Im nearly home now so will have to go" and if the call really is important, "I will call you back after I get into the house/ I will call you back first thing in the morning". Then arrive (and immediately exit the car, not sit on the driveway continuing a call) and greet your family in a way that at least shows you can pretend to be a human being who cares about them.

All this performative fuckwittery of 'important business calls which cannot be ended' is only ever carried out by people with overly inflated opinions of themselves.

Take a look at yourself!

Because that stilts the conversation, it also says to the other person 'my time is more important than yours so I'll call you back when it's convenient for me'. Absolutely wouldn't fly with my husband's investors.

Oh and @Superlambaanana my husband is not an arsehole just because he takes his work seriously! He's completely professional and his income reflects that!

What does your husband do?

I can almost guarantee Sunak takes calls at home.

I don't know a single person who finishes work at 5:30.

@Barktip

I’d rather he stayed at work and then used the commute to relax so he’s not always in work mode Or at least come in, say hi, then take the phone.it’s the walking in on the phone that annoys me.

I'm sure he wants to get home asap. I doubt he wants to be working all the time. If he stayed at work until it was all done he would be home even later.
Some jobs are never 'done'. Especially highly paid city jobs or self employed.
You can't enjoy the rewards without accepting the payoff

At mid-level, maybe. When you get properly senior it's not how it works.

And people complain about high earners! Most people don't want to do the hours it takes!

@cheerscheerscheerstomeyeahcheers we're not talking about taking calls at home or after hours. We're talking about walking in the door on the phone. A human being with a family should arrive home and greet the other humans who are already inside. That is a very basic social courtesy. You can then phone your 'investor' back if needs be. But I suspect that's silly BS as it sounds like exactly the sort of thing assholes say to make themselves sound desperately important.

You clearly have no idea. Genuinely.

You are being ridiculous. We have a small business. DH works six days a week and some Sundays. He last took a holiday in. 2019, five nights, this year we have four nights away planned.

This business pays our bills.

I often walk into my home on a work call but I am not an asshole.

I make calls on my way home so that I don't have to stay in work for an extra hour.

Sometimes, the call isn't finished when I get home.

Depending on who it is, or what the call is about, or what point in the conversation I am at, it isn't always appropriate to abruptly end the call.

Often, it is easier to resolve the issue then instead of adding it to my jobs for tomorrow - when my diary is already full, or I might not be able to reach them, or the situation might have deteriorated.

It is ridiculous to suggest that someone who is trying to be a conscientious employee, or a good line manager, or a supportive colleague or even just has a full diary tomorrow and doesn't want to push calling this person back into tomorrow too, is an asshole. I think your empathy and imagination are not as well developed as your marvellous ability to say no maybe.

What job do you do?

If I was on the phone to a plumber and he ended the call early, I'll call a different plumber.

Exactly.

Sorry got to go, need to say hi to my wife.

Erm, no.