Being sent a sympathy card with inappropriate comments

[notedbiscuits]

This person is a former friend and colleague. She has done this practice of sending sympathy cards to people she hasn’t spoken to in years. Again with unsympathetic comments. I know she looked through the death messages in the local rag.

The thing - card about a relative that I lost in January. Hardly anyone knew about the death.

The message is inappropriate and upsetting. Not spoken to her in 9 years as I got fed up with her racist attitude.

On a few occasions she has turned up to funerals sitting near the back. Again why?

She’s 73, married.

I don’t think I’m the one to tell her that stop doing this hurtful things.

I think she is trying to be your friend. I don’t think she meant the message to come across like that and that she was trying to be supportive.

I always remember a lady who attached herself to Sil before she died and totally overstepped the mark when sil died, followed by being OTT with MIL. Months later when MIL died she said to DH and FIL that MIL obviously couldn’t live without SIL so she chose to leave?! WTF she had aggressive lung cancer I don’t think she chose to leave her GC or DS especially not the two girls that just lost their mum.

Laughed at at the police station? You need to grow up. Stalking behaviour often leads to something more serious

Don't be ridiculous, sending one condolence card to op and going to funerals or social events in the same social sphere is not stalking the op.

Even op hasn't suggested its behaviour centred on op.

Since when has sending a sympathy card and going to a funeral been stalking??!!

You are the one who needs to grow up.

How is it stalking?

I know this isn't quite the same, but when my mother died people I knew who didn't know her/hadn't ever met her came to the funeral in order to support me. Shouldn't we be happy that more people attend a funeral than less for whatever reason? The idea that funerals are public events is a great concept when you think about it. The idea that someone is part of a community and that their death matters is so lovely. We are losing this sense of community and social media makes it worse.

Every time I see a funeral cortege I pay my respects. I feel touched that someone has lost someone dear and it reminds me of my own lost loved ones.

I can't believe the amount of bitterness towards old acquaintances attending funerals there is here!

Funerals can often make people regret not spending more time/losing touch with someone. Or they come because that person was important to them years ago and although the lost touch they are still sad because they had a big influence on their life.

Both my grandparents funerals were attended by people from their long distant past and their children were all touched at seeing them and the church so full

And it's lovely when people attend the funeral to support the family (because it is about them, its their chance to say goodbye to a loved one. They're the one who continues to live with it. It doesn't matter to the deceased). To know people care about you.

Like I say, I partly work with Church funerals. And we have seen a spike in people asking for a memorial service as they went with a Direct Cremation style package and now regret not having a funeral as they don't feel they said goodbye properly

From the example you have given I don't think that is necessarily an inappropriate or hurtful comment. It may not have been helpful to you, but it is a perfectly ordinary comment on my opinion.

Sending that many cards to strangers months after the event is slightly odd. It seems she has made a hobby out of it.

Sending "how many" cards? The OP's posts and the scenario frankly sounds a load of nonsense.

The OP said She has done this practice of sending sympathy cards to people she hasn’t spoken to in years.

How does OP even know this? Have you ever had a conversation with anyone about who sent you a sympathy card?

I still can’t work out what exactly this lady has done wrong.

From what I can see all she has done is sent a sympathy card with a sympathetic message (not an inappropriate message as the OP suggested but I appreciate the OP still doesn’t have to like the message) and attend some funerals.

Unless there is some kind of huge backstory that the OP isn’t telling us I do this she is overreacting slightly.

What do you mean that many?

She has sent them to different people. For different bereavements.

Op hasn’t said she is sending the same people cards over and over, for the same bereavement.

@VikingLady

Have to say this is spot-on Peak Mums-net. Keep up the good work
""My culture is standard white lower middle class British, insofar as anyone is. The Royle Family could have been written about my dad's family. And when we held his funeral we publicised it as widely as we could do that anyone who wanted to could come - and we very much appreciated every card and we'll wish, regardless of tone, though perhaps as an autism-heavy family we're more tolerant""

Word of mouth.

I found out my biological father was dead overhearing a conversation at the hairdressers - he wasn't local to the area and no one knew of my connection to him. It wasn't announced either.

So yeah...it's a scarily small world, definitely word of mouth.

I'm very sceptical about the scenarios and conversations which must have arisen for the OP to know about cards sent to other people. It sounds made up.

@Itsonlymashadow neither did I. I didn't say anywhere in my post that she was sending more than one card to the same person. Rather the meaning of that sentence 'sending that many cards' was to indicate that she had sent cards to more than one person. Lots more than one person. I'm sorry that you seemed to need to have that explained....

What is the syrupy poem?

Wow! Are you always so touchy?

Need it explained? Your comment makes no sense. Sending a card when someone dies, isn’t something many people only do once or twice and then don’t send them to other bereaved family members.

If you are someone who feels that you should send sympathy cards, when someone you know loses someone, it will be many over a lifetime.

But I don’t get how that’s ’making a hobby out of it’

Do you consider people making a hobby out of birthday cards? Since, in a lifetime lots of people send many?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I agree.

It seems to be following a familiar pattern. Op posts a fairly cryptic Op, But not telling the full story. Disappears after 2/3 posts.

Happening a lot lately. The suspicious part of me thinks they are all the same person.

At my husband’s funeral a woman came up to me at the end and hissed “He’s dead. Get over it”! He had worked in mental health so I thought it might have been a past client. But his colleagues were there and no-one knew her. I think she just went to funerals to do this. Very bizarre!!

Thats so mean