Accidentally stirred the pot and don’t know how to make things right

[pleasehelpagirlout62]

Friend 1 messaged me a couple of weeks ago something she shouldn’t have commented on about Friend 2. Something she know Friend 2 wouldn’t of liked.

I have been having a long chat with Friend 2 and stupidly said Friend 1 had been chatting to me about that last week. She then wants the whole details, I feel awful and send her our messages as she wanted to know and now she is raging with Friend 1.

I feel like a total idiot and stirred the pot. Now I feel like they are going to fall out because of me, and that Friend 1 is going to fall out with me because I sent our texts to Friend 2.

What have I done! Why did I do this! Someone help me rectify this please

If you forwarded my private messages to a third party I would find it very hard ever to trust you again. What a mess. Your only option is to apologise, very sincerely, and give them time.

You'll lose both friend 1 & 2
Friend 1 will think you're two faced and not to be trusted.
Friend 2 will at first be grateful you shared but will think once the dust settles that both you and Friend 1 sat and bitched about them.
Don't be surprised if these two turn on you and keep their friendship.

Agree with all of this. Your only course of action now is a genuine apology but dont do this unless you are truly sorry because it will come across as fake otherwise.

Trust takes a long time to build and it can be smashed in an instant which is exactly what you've done. Even if they forgive you (which is doubtful) you will have to accept that the friendship will change because friend 1 will end up not telling you stuff any more, the friendship between 1 and 2 will likely never recover and you'll have to hear their continued angst about it from both sides. You will have to show them through your actions that you can be trusted again and that will take a long time so dont expect this to recover quickly. It will either end the friendship or it will take months of repairing work.

If I was you, I'd have a really good think about why passing on gossip was more important to you than your friend's feelings.

Ach don't be too hard on yourself, sharing the messages was daft but hopefully it will all blow over!

I would absolutely fall out with anyone who sent my private messages to someone.

This sounds intentional and friend 1 (and possibly 2) are better off without a friend like you in their lives.

You didn’t accidentally do anything. You were deliberately stirring and have been called out. I suspect this isn’t the first time.

Slightly different take here. It sounds to me as if you didn't like what Friend 1 was saying about Friend 2, but instead of just saying to Friend 1 that you didn't like it, you created a situation where you could say you had no choice but to tell Friend 2, putting Friend 2 in a position where she had to choose between saying nothing and confronting Friend 1. I don't think this would have been an altogether conscious decision that you were making, but it would have achieved a situation where someone confronted Friend 1 about what she'd said (which is what you thought should happen) but it didn't have to be you.

Maybe there was a part of you that felt that this way you couldn't be blamed by either of them, but as you can see it's probably not going to work out that way! I think I'd be (a) freaking out a bit, because you're waiting for one or both of them to be angry with you, but also (b) trying to work out why you couldn't just say to Friend 1 yourself "don't talk about Friend 2 that way to me".

I think you have to accept that these friendships are lost tbh.

You obviously shouldn't have said anything at all. Upon realising your mistake, you should have refused to share the messages, told friend 1 that you dropped the ball for a second and said something but gave no details.

I wouldn't trust you again if I were either of them.

Moonlitwalk explained it well.

Nah, she sent the bloody messages.

You're a really shit friend. Glad you aren't mine!

Am with most of the posters here - you may have accidentally let slip something said/messaged to you in confidence, but you chose to go into more detail and to share private messages that the other party had exchanged with you in expectation of confidentiality.

What you did was pretty unforgivable and a total breach of trust - so I’d expect both parties to walk away from you now.

What about that is accidental? Surely you knew what was going to happen

This

I wouldn't speak to you again if you passed on private messages. There's no accident here.

If someone sent my private messages to a 3rd party it would be game over for me, I would be furious and never speak to them again.

I might believe you accidentally had a slip of the tongue but how do you accidentally forward messages?

You were trying to cause trouble, you've caused it. Was it worth it?

How old are you? You sound about 13. What kind of grown up sends messages from someone else to another person in the full knowledge it will upset them. You reap what you sow.

Why did you share messages from one friend to another? There is no accidental stirring of the pot here , you had intentions to cause issues. Very poor form to discuss friends with each other and even worse to then share messages.

Hopefully friend one and two will realise that you are no friend to either of them and they both cut you off.

Oh, definitely. I don't think it was accidental and it's likely to result in at least one of them falling out with her. But I think things like this don't necessarily always happen just because someone loves drama and conflict (although they can, obviously).

How is sending friend 1's messages to friend 2 'accidentally stirring the pot'?
Friend 1 will justifiably be really upset with you and friend 2 will know that you can't be trusted.
You can't rectify it. Offer a grovelling apology to both of them and then wait to see.

I don't think you can fix this. You can't do something this horrible and then flutter your eyelashes and play the "but I didn't meeeeeean to!!" card.

If I was the friend whose messages you'd shared I'd never speak to you again after this. What a horrible abuse of trust and what a lousy "friend" you are.

Really bad form and neither will trust you again. Contact friend 1 and fess up and apologise. Request that friend 2 does not make a thing of it.
i suspect they will become person I used to be friends with 1 and person I used to be friends with 2

I mean, you clearly did mean to stir the pot otherwise you'd never have brought friend 1 into the conversation or shared the messages.

I guess you reap what you sow.

Errmm you say, o it was just blah blah blah nothing nasty, sorry I don’t have the messages anymore….

You chose to send the messages, your choice, you chose to end your friendship/s by sending the messages.