Accidentally stirred the pot and don’t know how to make things right

[pleasehelpagirlout62]

Friend 1 messaged me a couple of weeks ago something she shouldn’t have commented on about Friend 2. Something she know Friend 2 wouldn’t of liked.

I have been having a long chat with Friend 2 and stupidly said Friend 1 had been chatting to me about that last week. She then wants the whole details, I feel awful and send her our messages as she wanted to know and now she is raging with Friend 1.

I feel like a total idiot and stirred the pot. Now I feel like they are going to fall out because of me, and that Friend 1 is going to fall out with me because I sent our texts to Friend 2.

What have I done! Why did I do this! Someone help me rectify this please

I'm pretty sure you've just nuked both of these friendships.

Live and learn. Don't be a two faced shit stirrer in future and maybe you'll have more luck keeping friends. Most of us grew out of this shit in highschool.

I always say to my kids -“If you repeat something bad that someone said behind someone’s back to their face, you are worse than the person that said it originally”

You can’t fix this.

We all make mistakes, I would really just learn from this.

You’re not a good friend. You’re a shit stirrer. You’ll lose friends and will maybe learn a lesson? Maybe not.

Nah I don’t believe you accidentally mentioned it. You so obviously mentioned it deliberately but took it too far by sending the messages and are now panicking because your back stabbing can be proved.

Actions, consequences.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here.

You didn't accidentally tell her that you'd been discussing this sensitive subject for her, with with friend 1. Nobody says that stuff accidentally.

You didn't accidentally send her the messages. I mean, who does that? If someone pushes you you just say no, or say you've deleted the conversation. But no, you sent them in order to hurt friend 2 and betray friend 1.

You were a shitty friend to both, quite deliberately, and now you're giving it the old "poor me".
They're both better off without you

So, that's two friends you've lost. Hope you got a whole load more because you won't keep them long if you behave like this.

Your only way to come close to rectifying this is to apologise to friend 1 for betraying confidences. Even that probably won't fix it. I wouldn't trust you again. You said friend 1 should not have made her original comment about friend 2 so in future don't get involved in saying things behind your friends 'backs. Keep out of potential drama and don't say anything you don't want repeated.

Not an accident. You shit stirred

If either of them have any sense then they'll both fall out with you. I would if I was either friend. What a shitty way to behave. You've betrayed both of them.

I actually feel for you OP and have been in a v similar situation myself a long time ago (a lot of wine was involved but not an excuse 😂) Whilst everyone is keen to get on their high horses because they’ve ofc never made mistakes I believe you when you say this was unintentional. I’m assuming you didn’t plan your conversation to be like - I’m going to tell friend 2 what friend 1 said today. You know yourself that the sharing of messages is a huge betrayal of trust and are owning up to that. You clearly care about both parties and as others have suggested I think only way to try and make reparations is by honest conversation, apologies (ideally F2F) with them both and unfortunately there will be a time where you have to sit with the uncomfortable feeling of having fucked up that we all have to deal with at some point as an adult. It sure was a life lesson for me and I definitely will not do it again.

If it helps I’m still friends with both the people involved in my situation although did take a while for things to get back to what they were.

Good luck

Blimey, that's almost akin to stirring the tanks on Apollo 13.

You are a shit stirrer. 'Accidentally' mentioned, deliberately forwarded. Are you sure friend even begged to see them? Maybe you were begging her to beg.

Crikey.

"Accidentally"

@pleasehelpagirlout62 Friend one stirred the pot but wow you took an electric whisk to it!

Why didn't you tell her the messages were deleted? Or that it was a phone conversation? A lie, but surely better than what you're all dealing with now. You have 2 people to make it right with, and it will be hard. Friend 1 would have believed it was a private conversation; you say you didn't mean to let it slip, but regardless, it's still hurting both of them.

I think I would make a huge apology in person (or send a handwritten letter, though she may not read it.) to Friend 1 for betraying her confidence, and the same to Friend 2 for discussing her situation behind her back and for how much she's hurting. (I hope Friend 1 also apologizes to friend 2 but that's for her to decide.) Briefly explain what happened, apologize again, and then give both of them time, but do leave the door open to answer questions if either of them need it.

I hope the 3 of you get past it, I really do.

Actions have consequences.

if you value your friendship with friend 1, tell them what happened. It’s better they hear it from you instead of being blindsided. But they will struggle to trust you in the future.

with friend 2, you might want to check they’re okay - they likely feel like everyone is gossiping about them and they feel alone, so your actions would have caused them some upset

Mentioning the conversation? Yeah thar could definitely be an accident. But sending the copies of the messages? Wtaf would possess you. That's just deliberate & nasty and quite honestly you deserve what ever the fallout is.

Be prepared to have lost at least one friend because of your actions. I'd never forgive someone for passing on screen shots of a conversation we'd had

So, friend 2 knows you talked about her behind her back, and friend 1 will soon know you went behind her back. You can't be trusted. You're probably going to lose both of them. Learn from this and try to be a better friend.

You weren't a good friend to either of them and now they know, so you will have to stew in your own shit.

You’re a shit stirrer. You deliberately caused drama. Why the hell would you screenshot all your messages otherwise? You knew exactly what you were doing and you deserve all the consequences. You’re not in a school uniform anymore, are you?

If this is true you deserve all that's coming. You admit you knew it would cause upset if they each found out. The faux naivety talking behind each's back doesn't wash if you're over thirteen. I think you thought each was loyal to you, so you could gossip freely. Maybe you'll learn how awful it was when the shit hits the fan.

Letting some info slip into conversation might be understandable but forwarding the messages is blatant and a step too far. What else did you think would happen?

Forgiveness might come with space and time. But you’ve shown yourself to be untrustworthy. And without trust there is no friendship. I wouldn’t expect things to ever be the same again, and that’s the consequence of your actions.

Think you're going to have to own this if confronted about it - "Yes, I sent the messages, because..." Then deal with whatever comes from that. I'd also suggest keeping as discreet as possible now - don't say much, don't over-apologise, try to avoid further drama.

Jeez don't think it will be friend 1 and friend 2 falling out, I think you will be the looser in the end neither will be happy with this little situation. Prepare to loose both friends. No one likes a stirrer.

How can it possibly be unintentional? Unless she has additional needs or was completely off her tits both during the convo and when she sent the messages, then it was not remotely unintentional.

You're a shit stirrer own it.