Giving son £600 a month

[Krosem]

DH and I are in our 50s, we only have one child, we are mortgage free, DH is a supervisor for a HA repairs department, doesn't want to step down or leave. I work as a receptionist part time having stepped down from my previously more stressful job.
We bring home a little over £4000 a month, our outgoings are low, we don't holiday abroad much anymore and if we do it's not very expensive as we aren't restricted by school holidays.

Our son is 28, he has 3 children and a wife. They both work but aren't high earners. I provide some childcare , we take them on holiday once a year. We try really hard not to step on their toes, with the kids are they are fantastic parents.
Last year we paid for their wedding entirely, they didn't ask, we insisted and they were very grateful, I kept out of planning unless asked as it was there day.
The year before we gave them money for furniture and home decor.

DH and I have a lot left each month, sure we can save it and what have you, pensions etc. but I hate knowing my son is struggling a bit while we are cruising. DH suggested we pay for their car and the most expensive kids hobby. This will probably be £600 a month, we'd just set up the direct debit for the kids in our name and probably pay the car via them.
We are just worried this might seem a bit intrusive.

Is this a bad idea or should we do it?

Go for it OP!
This is a lovely thing to do and what most people would love to do for their children.

My parents gave us their whatever £ a month it was the gov gave everyone for the energy bills as theirs was fixed and they didn’t need it whereas ours wasn’t. They also ask what the kids need from time to time clothes and shoes wise (plus still treat me sometimes).
times are hard the at the moment especially with small children.

If I could I’d buy my kids a house!

I am thinking of this from a parent point of view, this would be something we would do for our own children, ease their monthly burden for a while. I think it needs a sit down talk to see how they would feel.

My parents would have done this if they could, instead they provided free childcare for my sister 3 days a week as they had no money to give out.

You pay an enormous amount for them already. And do childcare which is saving them hundreds and hundreds of pounds.

I, personally, think you do enough. As people get more, they expect more. Some of their outgoings sound like wants rather than needs - large mortgage (nice house?) a very large car payment (presumably an expensive car), TWO more holidays… You’ve already set a precedent of paying for a lot of stuff. Giving an additional regular sum of money will add to the expectation.

Did you grow up without much money yourself? Do you feel guilty for having it? It really is ok to treat yourself, you’re still young. You don’t have to live a frugal life still in your 50s whilst your son’s family have luxury items paid for by you.

How big is your pension / pension pot?

You may find you want to stop work I. Your early 60s. Work out how much you need to live on between stopping work at 60 or 63, and getting your state pension.

Once your ‘work energy’ goes it would be a miserable grind to carry on. We all expect to struggle in our young family days, don’t sacrifice your 60s for your Ds.

Oh you’re planning on working til your mid 60? No way would I be giving away £600 pm if I could retire earlier. The grind of work is brutal the older you get. Giving away money now removes your options. You can’t have it back if you need it in 5 years.

@Candleabra

There mortgage is £700, there car isn't super nice it's a Peugeot 5008 they got this as they wanted to rear face all 3 children and needed to fit 3 big rear facing car seats in a row. That's the only car they have. They do centre parcs and euro camp style holidays so hardly super luxurious.
I don't think they could get a cheaper mortgage and sure they could get an older car but that has its own issues!
They don't do anything DH and I didn't do for our son, in fact we definitely did more luxurious holidays.
What I want is for them to be able to go out for dinner or have gym memberships. Almost all of their money goes on things for their children and I'd like to ease the pressure so they have be happy too!

DH doesn't even want to retire at mid 60, he tried 4 days a week for 4 months and went mad with boredom, he likes working!
I'm a receptionist so not a physically or even particularly mentally challenging job. Work gives us purpose and retirement just sounds dull!

@WendySmith2508

I mean he either gets it now or when we die ... what's the difference?

I think it’s a lovely idea.
My Dad gives me £250 a month and I use it to pay extra into my pension. He does the same for all my siblings too.

We give our DSs a similar sum. Hoefully its going towards their mortgages and pension funds. I don't ask. DS2 likes to travel, DS1 has a bike habit. As the money is gift out of income, it is not affected by inheritance tax or other tax issues. I have a spreadsheet of outgoings if HMRC want to check. We took taxadvice.

I will hopefully do the same in the future when my children are grown up.

Why are you asking on here OP? You need to talk to your son and his wife, and if you’re all happy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks

DH is a supervisor for a HA repairs department. I work as a receptionist part time having stepped down from my previously more stressful job.
We bring home a little over £4000 a month

Without sounding too nosy or judgmental but how does a PT receptionist and supervisor at a HA take home £4k a month?

DH makes 48k a year I make around 14k.
At the same HA, the tradesmen themselves make 36k - trades are underestimated on how well they pay!!

Have not RTFT but based on your first few posts you sound lovely and it is a good setup. You are supporting your son’s family while they need it most, but he and his wife will likely earn more in future and not need your help anymore. Also, if you have extra income now it’s sensible to help them out vs. saving it all for inheritance that will be hit by huge tax later down the line. Most importantly, your son doesn’t seem to expect it in any way and your relationship sounds very healthy. Good for you!

@WendySmith2508

I'm not sure how I was being lippy by asking a question, absolutely no need to be so stand-offish.

Can you explain the difference please?

Do it! That's so kind of you. You recognise this generation has massive outgoings in comparison with our generation and you are spreading the wealth. That's such a lovely gesture.

If I could do that for my children when they are older I would.

P.s please adopt me too

I’m another person who’d like to be adopted, please, even though I’m only slightly younger than you. 😂

I’d advise you to look into the best ways to gift money as @OMGitsnotgood says, although what you’re proposing sounds fine.

My parents pay for two of my DD’s activities, they can afford it and it’s a nice way of them helping out rather than giving money directly. If they said they couldn’t afford it any more I’d just be thankful for the time that they’ve been able to do this.

OP, I'm preparing to be flamed but my perspective as a child in this situation. My parents' income exceeds their outgoings. They give me and my brother £500 each a month. No strings attached. It may stop any time but we are very grateful. They benefitted from free universities, cheap housing, excellent public sector pensions which means they are now more than comfortable. They've got a bigger house than we'll ever have. We wouldn't accept it if it left them short now.

Other friends get hand-outs from time to time, a few ££££ here and there. No-one really talks about it (we're all embarrassed I think!) but it isn't uncommon.

If you want to do it, your DS and DDIL are happy to accept, the money doesn't come with expectations etc. then do it!