Giving son £600 a month

[Krosem]

DH and I are in our 50s, we only have one child, we are mortgage free, DH is a supervisor for a HA repairs department, doesn't want to step down or leave. I work as a receptionist part time having stepped down from my previously more stressful job.
We bring home a little over £4000 a month, our outgoings are low, we don't holiday abroad much anymore and if we do it's not very expensive as we aren't restricted by school holidays.

Our son is 28, he has 3 children and a wife. They both work but aren't high earners. I provide some childcare , we take them on holiday once a year. We try really hard not to step on their toes, with the kids are they are fantastic parents.
Last year we paid for their wedding entirely, they didn't ask, we insisted and they were very grateful, I kept out of planning unless asked as it was there day.
The year before we gave them money for furniture and home decor.

DH and I have a lot left each month, sure we can save it and what have you, pensions etc. but I hate knowing my son is struggling a bit while we are cruising. DH suggested we pay for their car and the most expensive kids hobby. This will probably be £600 a month, we'd just set up the direct debit for the kids in our name and probably pay the car via them.
We are just worried this might seem a bit intrusive.

Is this a bad idea or should we do it?

Only you know your son and his wife well enough to know how he is likely to take it. If he is reasonable, then at worst he would say "thanks, but no thanks" and still appreciate that you offered. Of course you would like to help him with spare money that he can make more use of.

DH and I are in a similar position in having spare income. We would far rather the DC get it now while they are in their 20s than when we are dead and they are more comfortably off.
We have given lump sums but we suggested to them that we would like to give them a monthly sum of £250 each. No strings attached they can spend or save it and no guarantees it will be permanent.both said they would only take it if we were absolutely sure and they are very appreciative of it.

Quoted wrong poster!

Why not?

In reality, you're helping now instead of just waiting to pass it on through inheritance.

I think it's a wonderful idea but as others have said, make sure the offer is clear with a time line if it needs to stop when you retire etc.

Im also up for adoption 😂

Lol no, I've not been clear. I've said "if there was nothing else to spend my money on". There'd rarely be a time when I couldn't find something to spend on...travelling, my pension (I was a SAHM for 10 years) etc

I would say that £600 per month sounds quite a lot out of £4000. I might feel bad about taking this much in your place. I'm sure he would appreciate a smaller amount too.

Another volunteer for adoption!

I think it's really important that you've recognised the importance of not intruding. It can be so demoralising to be working hard and feel beaten down by the relentless rise in costs. As long as you recognise that they aren't struggling through any fault of their own, I'm sure that a tactful offer of support will be appreciated.

What a lovely thing to do.
I agree with my 91 yo DM who always says that money comes to people at the wrong time of life (we all need it more when we are younger and struggling).

I would make sure to check that my own State Pension forecasts / SIPP looked all in order for 10 years ahead first though…

Why don't you set up a regular saver for both kids in a high interest account. £200 a month each is the max you can save with Nationwide. 6.5% interest. Then when it expires annually put into a Junior ISA for each child. Will give the kids a nest egg when they get to 18.

If I was struggling with my mortgage and bills, knowing the kids had a University fund or money for a house deposit would be my preference.

Also, things like Premium Bonds for Birthday and Christmas presents for the kids, with a small book, is a really good "investment" present.

It doesn't sound as if they are in the "massive inheritance tax" bracket. Did you know that only 4% of deaths result in inheritance tax?

Do it! I’m 50 and my dad gives me £500 a month still, haha!

We already put £50 a month in savings for the kids as does my son and his wife.
My issue is that doesn't help them now, I don't want them to slave over savings and miss the best years!!

I would just say that you have a more than enough and you’d like to contribute, no strings attached. It’s lovely and will make a great difference. My dad does it for all his kids and step kids and everyone does different things with it but we all hugely appreciate it.

Still? You mean he has always done that?

If I were you, I’d offer to pay nursery fees for the children rather than pay for a car or hobbies. That way, there’s an end point which you could extend if you so wished.

I don't understand how the car and a 4 year old's hobby can cost £600 per month.

I would give them the money, but I'd be really worried about them depending on it. You never know what's in your own future, OP, where you or your husband might need to stop work.

Yes, I think that's a really good idea.

That’s lovely idea really, I applaud you.
My and my DH are in position of your son, we have no money at all, renting expensive bills house ( no cheaper where we are)credit cards bills, one old car.
On the other hand my PILs have lots of money, recently inherited about 500k on a top what they already have, anlso they own a big mansion style house with 5/4 bathroom bedrooms, 3 cars.
They know we are struggling but they said they would rather spend it in casino than give to anybody any.
It’s so sad really, I don’t expect anything but still if it would be my son or daughter I would definitely give them some.
On the other hand my mum has nothing and she always sends me some money she saved, as she has nobody else so she says she rather give it all to me..

The car is £400, the 4 year old does 1-2-1 swimming lessons as group sessions weren't appropriate at all, she's very shy and was just getting morning out of it! I've rounded up a bit but it's around there.

Lovely thing to do IMO. You sound wonderful

I’d give them less than that and put the remainder into high interest savings accounts. That way if you or they suddenly need a lump sum you’ve got it, but if you manage to save it all you can help them out in 15 years time when they’ll need driving lessons / cars / university costs. You could easily be looking to gift each child £20k when they turn 18.

I think that's a great idea ... it's just spreading out his inheritance really.

Rather than paying for something specific like their car, I would just give them the money and let them decide what to do with it; might save awkwardness if they want to change the car in a couple of years and think they need to consult you about the purchase in case there's a change in the repayments.

They have no nursery fees, DIL works part time to cover 2 days and I do the other 3 around my part time work.

for 20 years since I had kids and he retired.

Sounds lovely. My parents used to give my sister 1k a month.