Giving son £600 a month

[Krosem]

DH and I are in our 50s, we only have one child, we are mortgage free, DH is a supervisor for a HA repairs department, doesn't want to step down or leave. I work as a receptionist part time having stepped down from my previously more stressful job.
We bring home a little over £4000 a month, our outgoings are low, we don't holiday abroad much anymore and if we do it's not very expensive as we aren't restricted by school holidays.

Our son is 28, he has 3 children and a wife. They both work but aren't high earners. I provide some childcare , we take them on holiday once a year. We try really hard not to step on their toes, with the kids are they are fantastic parents.
Last year we paid for their wedding entirely, they didn't ask, we insisted and they were very grateful, I kept out of planning unless asked as it was there day.
The year before we gave them money for furniture and home decor.

DH and I have a lot left each month, sure we can save it and what have you, pensions etc. but I hate knowing my son is struggling a bit while we are cruising. DH suggested we pay for their car and the most expensive kids hobby. This will probably be £600 a month, we'd just set up the direct debit for the kids in our name and probably pay the car via them.
We are just worried this might seem a bit intrusive.

Is this a bad idea or should we do it?

I don't wish to be a kill joy.
The gifting you propose is extremely generous and very kind.
Just take care that the gift does not encourage them to live beyond their means.

Helping unequally can cause so many problems though, you see it on here all the time where wealthier sibling feels they've been punished for their better choices/harder work. It's very hard to get right.

Sounds just like my parents were for me and how i am now for my adult dc. If you are able to help with the financial pressures it will make their life much more manageable.

Aw you guys are so lovely. I think that would be such an amazing help while the kids are so young. Always better to give with a warm heart

My parents have just informed me that they have been putting money aside for all the grandkids (I have two, my sister also two) and it is there for them if they want to go to uni or if not then towards a house deposit. I was so appreciative as it was going to be a huge struggle to support them through uni with the CoL.
If you can help then offer and see how they react.

I think you're wonderful for thinking of doing it, but I'd be worried about them getting so used to the extra help, that they will struggle once it ends. I know I have struggled since my youngest turned 18, and her father no longer had to pay maintenance. I used that money for anything she needed, but it was handy if I had more to pay out than usual. My dd still lives with me, is in full time education, and due to ADD and social anxiety is not working yet, so I am supporting her. Once she finishes her courses, she will be able to work from home in her chosen career, and will be earning a very good salary, so I don't have to worry about her being too used to what I do for her. You have a tough decision to make, but I think whatever you do, will be best for you and your family 🥰

I think for us it's also ruining the joy of having less financial pressures a little as the thought of my son struggling makes me feel sick.

Isn't this a huge over-reaction?

You feel sick at the thought of your son having to be careful?

He's not struggling as they pay for 2 holidays a year (and you pay for a family holiday as well for them.) They've also just borrowed money to repay a car loan at £400 a month.

That's not struggling by anyone's standards and to say it makes you feel sick...

Lovely I wish my child had grandparents like this

Please do consider that circumstances can change in a heartbeat, and really consider what it's for both gifters and receivers.

Do they have life insurance/sickness cover, that might be something useful to pay for them?

I'd like to join the q of potential adoptees please.

They don’t have any nursery costs though

I have one child. My husband and I have long earned more than we need, and have given our hardworking daughter and allowance since her first child was born 14 years ago. She and her husband have two children, work full time, are amazing parents and not entitled. My money to them has helped pay their mortgage, cope with unexpected crises, and let them have a night out now and then. They know it will stop when I retire, which is soon. So she gets less when we die, but we have helped them through a few difficult years. All happy, what else would we do?

My grandparents always bought my parents’ cars. They also bought our shoes and school uniforms.
They had lots of disposable income, and my parents didn’t earn a lot when we were young.
I know that everyone involved was happy with the arrangement.

It sounds so kind of you, my mum transfers me £100 a month. It can go on anything we like but its such a help, my advice would be to give them less than £600 a month but don't dictate to them it goes on car or swimming etc let them decide?

Tax Tax TAX!!!! PLEASE READ. This is a lovely idea but please remember gifts given to children which exceed the annual tax free amoint can be subject to Inheritance Tax later on. Few points here to help you:
1 - You and your husband get £3k eaxh a year to do with what you will in terms of gifting - so you can technically give £6k - £500 per month and then HMRC cannot reclaim it in the event of your death - so please keep records. Just a formally written note to the effect stating that - I'm givjng x per month as part od my annual gift allowance, also:
2 - You can do lifetime transfers whereby as long as you can prove that it's not impacting your standard of living and coming from current income (not capital) - you can give as much as you like per month - again as long as it doesn't impact your standard of living. The way to do this is - produce a record of your annual income & expenditure - and then prove what you have left over every month - so that you can clearly show the amount you are giving out of net income after tax. I'm aĺl in favour of this..... and remember if you would be due to pay IHT - then every £600 you give is saving £240 of tax later.

I think this is a good idea as it will help by reducing the debt and hopefully clearing it sooner.

That's all good but the OP says her house is only worth £150K. So even if they accumulate savings before they die, it's possible they will never be above the IHT threshold.

My concerns are that she's never said how much they have in savings.

Their own lifestyle is very modest, and they clearly don't spend much, but if her H as the main earner was to lose his job, become very ill or disabled (and unable to work ever again) how much do they have in the bank as a back up?

Ideally it should be a year's income to fall back on.

TBH this gifting is all about answering her own emotional needs because her son doesn't actually need the money- they're managing fine, as they are getting 3 days a week free childcare, plus a 3rd holiday paid for, a summerhouse, and lots of other goodies.

She feels 'sick' to think of them 'struggling'.

How absolutely lovely , plus you’re providing some childcare too AND wondering if you’re being intrusive.
I had no financial, practical or emotional support from my parents and would have very much appreciated it .
They visited us occasionally .
We got a little bit of cash , maybe £50 per person for Christmas and that was it

@DiddlySquatSquat

You seem very angry about this thread and fixated on rubbishing the OP. Is that your intention?
We don't know the OPs financial situation. You are making up scenarios that might not be true and seem angry that the OP won't give more information.

She is only in her 50s she may be anticipating getting a large inheritance herself. She might have lots of saving? Who knows? She doesn't have to tell us. All she is thinking of doing is helping her son out for a couple of years. It's really not that big a deal. She is giving it some thought as she should and hopefully she has found the more helpful posts on this thread of some use. I don't think this thread is worth your outrage.

My parents weren't well off enough to give me anything. My husband parents are wealthy but believe it's been 'character building' for their children to struggle through early adult life. They think helping children with house deposits, mortgages etc makes them spolit and less ambitious. We've done well but both my kids have savings accounts for house deposits and we'll do everything we can to help them. I think you sound lovely.

We were the opposite. 20 years ago we used to give money regularly to my FIL as he was struggling financially after going bankrupt. We could afford it. If you care about someone and have money to spare then you want to help.

I admit I'm very slightly bridling at them spending £400 month on a car and receiving help for it. We're only just about to buy our first new car that we cost that sort of amount, and only because we want electric. And we take home much more than you!

What a lovely thing to do. I'm actually ashamed to say I am jealous! My husband and I have one surviving parent and he buys a coat for DS (2.5) every year which we are extremely grateful for. We are just talking now about trying to find a trusted childminder/babysitter so we can have our first night out together since DS was born as never getting a break is taking its toll. The fact you do 3 days of childcare AND want to give your son and his wife money towards hobbies and luxuries for them and the children is amazing. I hope they know how lucky they are and treat you well.

I posted above that we give our DC £250 a month each. What I didn't mention was that I also helped my parents financially long before I was married. I wasn't earning much but they were in difficulties.

😆

The questions asked were very relevant though.
The Op appears to be making a very unwise decision here based on the information given so appropriate to ask her if she had taken retirement and approaching retirement financial advice before she does this

She can't bear to see her son " struggle"
He has 3 holidays a year and £400 a month car plus £200 a month child activities
Failing to see the struggle

While it all sounds lovely the gimme , gimme , if only it were me posters are encouraging her.
Why start a thread asking for advice if you don't want to add any context.
Fwiw
I suspect she will do it, the ds will waste the money and get a bigger car,more holidays and Op will be back here saying

"I gave my son everything and this is how he repaid me "

@ColBoulter

Blimey what a depressing take on things. Have you had something like this go wrong with you and your family?
The OP and her son both sounds lovely. I'm sure they will be fine just like lots of the other posters on this thread who have given their adult kids monetary help.