DP suspicious hotel stay

[Rainbowismyfavouritecolour]

So I went away for a week on holiday with the children. DP stayed behind on his own as he had work. One evening after work he left the house and stayed at a reasonably local hotel because he got scared and felt like something was ‘off’ in the house. Apparently the lights were flickering (it’s an old house in the countryside) and he didn’t feel safe alone there.

He rang me from the hotel and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He stayed one night and went home the next morning.

Now I think this seems really odd. AIBU to think something else went on?

YABU- this is normal behaviour
YANBU- his behaviour is suspicious

I didn't think of that. Very good point!

My first guess would be meeting a sex worker I'm afraid.

Don't speak to him about it, he will make sure all evidence is gone. Go along with his story and start digging behind the scenes. Sorry but it seems pretty obvious that he's been up to no good

Lord it's obviously bollocks.

My main concern now would be proving it to myself for peace of mind.

What hotel was it OP? A big chain or a little b&b?

There are ways possible to check if he's on OLD sites, Ashley Madison, Adultwork etc but you may run the risk of the site notifying him by email that someone has registered an account under his email, if he isn't actually on there. If he is on there it wouldn't, it would tell you to use log in as email already registered.

Well my instinct would be that he had planned the hotel stay. The chat and photo (😏) of him working at 6 was to set the scene of him in the home for the evening. He then went to the hotel to meet someone but was seen by someone he knew so rang you again with his ‘cover’
story.

@Chersfrozenface I'm inclined to agree with this

Hiding in plain sight! That's the second time I've said this today.

Yep, my thoughts too. The photo was to show he was busy working. At home. safe and sound.

I imagine he was packing his overnight bag straight after he sent it to you.

If he left at 6 cos he was scared, surely he would have messaged you then or even before when you could have tried to reassure him rather than wait til 9?
Im sure most people wouldn’t wait in such circumstances to tell their partner something about strangeness in their house….if it had actually happened the way he said!

Fundamental problem here is you’re with a bloke who pays for sex and you don’t trust him and think he was off paying a prostitute.

i mean if that doesn’t give you the ick or spell the end I don’t know what does. Doesn’t matter if he did or didn’t. The issue is you think he’s that man.

Not just walking like a duck and quacking like a duck but also carrying a massive neon sign saying "I AM A DUCK". Never have I heard such bullshit - flickering lights scaring him when it was still fully light. Jesus fucking Christ. If nothing else the lack of respect to come up with a decent lie and thinking you're thick enough to fall for it would be enough for me to yeet him into the sun.

He left at 6pm? It’s not even dark at 6pm…:
what lights would be bothering him at that time of day?
sorry you’re even feeling this way about it. Hope you find the answer you want x

Doesn't look great OP!

Hmm I opened this to say it's something I might do (the acoustics in our flat are weird and I often hear what sounds like footsteps or voices directly outside my bedroom when they're really upstairs or downstairs neighbours and it does freak me out).

The more you're saying though the more this sounds like bullshit to me. Especially with him admitting to using prostitutes previously.

Sounds to me like he took the opportunity while you were away to procure paid for sex. Grim.

And yes being scared of flickering lights at 6pm when it's still light is a blatant lie! Just turn them off ffs

This won't get you any answers but I would busy myself (very vocally) with looking around for electrician recommendations and actually getting one to come over and make sure you are both there when they look at the lights.

He'll either down play it and say it was a one off - no need to pay for an electrician (suspicious) - or if they do come over - get your H to explain exactly what happened and see if he squirms.

Yes and if it was 6 pm I'd just unplug it if necessary and go into another room!

And definitely call for a copy of the invoice in PA mode.

I got something through the post (this was 15 years ago) from Mr and Mrs Smith asking if I'd enjoyed my stay at x hotel (which I hadn't been to) at a time when my now ex H had been acting v strangely. That was the start of my suspicions and I eventually unearthed his affair.

Yeah his chatting bullshit. Sounds like a complete set up with the photo working too. Yet he what didn’t mention the scary house at all till he rang you from said hotel. He has a history of paying for sex, his doing the whole you should just trust me… uh huh quack 🦆

Is he okay OP? Not having some kind of MH episode? Apart from the obvious, this is the only thing I can think of...

“Call girls”

Just call them what they are- prostitutes.

That’ll be it then.

When did this actually happen because it's not even dark at 6pm!!! (I'd understand it more if it was 2am.)

I think you know what’s happened here OP and I’m sorry, it’s shit.

The lies and bullshit he is spewing you is quite frankly insulting - he obviously thinks you’re stupid enough to believe it - get rid, you’re better than that. X

There’s still light at around 8pm where I live at the moment…

I'm in Central Scotland so maybe it's lighter here in the evenings but 6pm! Even in a dark, old house I would have simply switched off the flickering lamp or changed the bulb. Is he trying to claim all the lights in the house were flickering? And in the hour between talking to you and leaving the house, he had time to get that scared and pack an overnight bag? Did he go to the nearest hotel?