DP suspicious hotel stay

[Rainbowismyfavouritecolour]

So I went away for a week on holiday with the children. DP stayed behind on his own as he had work. One evening after work he left the house and stayed at a reasonably local hotel because he got scared and felt like something was ‘off’ in the house. Apparently the lights were flickering (it’s an old house in the countryside) and he didn’t feel safe alone there.

He rang me from the hotel and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He stayed one night and went home the next morning.

Now I think this seems really odd. AIBU to think something else went on?

YABU- this is normal behaviour
YANBU- his behaviour is suspicious

Im a man and was going to come on to defend his position having read the first post...I was 22 and went back to my parents home from my house at 10.30 at night because there were insects flying around my bedroom😂 I grew up in a really rough part of Bristol and I'm 6'ft 2!!!
But the fact he'd packed at 6 and ha has form for sex workers....not good!

I would have said he was lonely and why go to a local hotel if he was playing away...but it's half an hour away so not that local 10 miles minimum and he's ready at 6!

Yea hes been spotted and this "not asking for details" is shutting you down. Honestly why do some men think us women are thick 🙄

Tell him you've arranged for an electrician to come in to check everything and he said it sounds like it needs rewiring, will cost £8k, that ok with you Mr No Details??

No don’t ask him again. You won’t get any info and it will only put him on his guard.

this would drive me so nuts though that I’d be planning another overnighter with plans to stalk him!

Email the hotel from a business email address he has no access to and ask for a copy of the invoice for Mr Rainbow (for that date).

Who really has the time to stalk another human being 🥴 I would be asking for proof that he was there alone, it was a last minute booking, everything else and if he didn’t provide it then he would be out the door 🤷‍♀️ there’s no point beating around the bush and doing immature things like following them around and setting traps for them…

C'mon...he was scared cause the lights were flickering??? I don't one man, even the scaredy cat ones, would admit to something like this. He definitely had other reasons to get a hotel room.

He can't dictate whether you trust him or not and he also can't silence you and expect you to accept any bullshit he dishes out.

Silencing you into acceptance of his lies is just abuse.

Don't be a mug and believe him. He's talking shite.

Go to the hotel and see if they'll tell you anything...

A friend of mine told me about the long distance affair he had with a married woman. She would pretend she was going away with girl friends for the weekend but met up with him instead. She would phone her DH and children while sat in bed beside my friend (or he would stand outside the door with his bag if she Facetimed them to give them a tour of the room). Even he - who lacks any morals - found that a bit much. It was all part of how she got away with it. Because it's not how you think cheaters behave.

I would be very suspicious about your DP's story.

They won't be allowed to

He cheating on you op. Sorry

While I wouldn't believe a word he said, I'd be inclined to go along with it for now.

If you question him too much, he'll become more secretive/better at covering his tracks.

Accept it meekly for a few days. Then have your phone 'stop working ' and ask to use his.

Again. Very quick. Just to check a timing/booking something plausible. See if you can see his call log or booking com app.

A hotel wouldn't be able to issue this. It's a breach of GDPR to provide those details without the prior consent of the person who made the booking.

Of course he's up to something, though he's done the classic hiding in plain sight.

He only told you because he knew you'd get an alert on the ring doorbell, or someone local saw him.

Probably meeting a prostitute, given he's done that before, and didn't want to bring her to your house.

If he’s used sex workers before then I would think he’s done this again. Agree with PPs saying he’s getting his excuses in first as he’s been seen/knows the doorbell footage would show him to be it at home. I cannot for a second believe a grown man would stay the night at a hotel because of “something being off”in the house! What bullshit.

I’m it entirely sure where you go from here OP - even asking for bank statements etc show you don’t trust him which is not a good feeling.

Or....play him at his own game with an equally bizarre story.

tell him you thought you saw someone in the garden, so you've logged it with the police online and mentioned DH feeling unsafe and they called you back asking for specifics about the lights that spooked DH e.g. times, which hotel did he go to, does he think anyone followed him.....because they have had similar reports from others in the area reporting weird house shit and then being followed but nothing they could follow up, this is the first time someone's said they have been somewhere that might have cctv or witnesses etc.....

I'd assume call girl especially if he's done it before.
It's just a really weird thing to do. As excuses go being scared is so random- why not say he went out with friends and stayed out as drunk for example

I mean depending on the staff if they know op they might get a “ah lovely to see you, Mr idiot man was here the other day with his sister” 👀 such a coincidence that your now stopping over when he joing you.

Ah but if your email was eg [email protected] and you pretended to be Mr R you might get unsuspecting hotel person to email it to you

It takes a special kind of person to shag their lover in the marital bed so I all was okay that he didn't.

I just love this!! I don’t know that I have the guts to do it but I’m thinking about how good it would feel to make him squirm right now.

Hmm, I’m more inclined to think it’s an affair rather than prostitutes. My exH used prostitutes all his adult life, apparently. He was always home at night. If he wanted to pay for sex and not cause suspicion and risk his marriage, he could have easily gone out during the day under the guise of popping to the supermarket etc. He sounds like a seasoned punter, like my ex, they know how to hide their habits

All the pp saying about getting an invoice etc from the hotel...surely if it was an hour session with a prostitute, he would still only have a single occupancy and no dinner charges, bar tab etc? So it wouldn't prove anything. If it was a full blown affair then yes maybe, but surely if he's got a session with a call girl booked he wouldn't be adding her name to the hotel reservation for overnight guests or charging dinner and drinks to the room?

I think keep watching and waiting OP and I'd be trying to get into emails or bank statements if possible.

The thing is, even if you did what he's suggesting you do and trust him and not ask for more details, this leaves you both living in a house so haunted that it's occasionally necessary for the inhabitants to pack an overnight bag and stay in a local hotel out of fear for their safety.

That's not something that would never get mentioned again, that would be being mentioned aallll of the time. Every day. It would be the main topic of conversation. If he was that petrified he had to flee the building, how can he be so sure it's not going to happen again that it doesn't bear mentioning?

I've heard some unbeliveable bullshit in my time but this is right up there OP.

You only feel nervous about bringing it up because you know he's going to gaslight the pants off you over this, and get angry with you so you drop it. Classic.