DP suspicious hotel stay

[Rainbowismyfavouritecolour]

So I went away for a week on holiday with the children. DP stayed behind on his own as he had work. One evening after work he left the house and stayed at a reasonably local hotel because he got scared and felt like something was ‘off’ in the house. Apparently the lights were flickering (it’s an old house in the countryside) and he didn’t feel safe alone there.

He rang me from the hotel and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He stayed one night and went home the next morning.

Now I think this seems really odd. AIBU to think something else went on?

YABU- this is normal behaviour
YANBU- his behaviour is suspicious

I agree. Coming home to shower would make me think it's more likely that he stayed in someone's home.

Maybe he went on a night out with his mates and didn’t want to tell you in case you kicked off and then possibly stayed over somewhere, if you live quite far out that would be viable

check his friends out on fb and see if there was a drinks going on, on that night

That’s pushing it a bit. Rape and paying for consent are two very different things.

No, consent cannot be bought. It negates the concept of enthusiastic consent, for starters.

The sex worker has the option to say “no”. If you’re happily accepting payment for a service you’re consenting.

Anyway, I don’t really want to get into it.

Nor do I, we're never going to agree on this issue.

Either way, a man who uses prostituted women is scum.

No, in many cases they don't have the option to say no.

The pimp who beats them if they dont do it
The addiction that overrides everything
The boyfriend who is a violent addict and forces them to bring in money or who coerces and manipulates

Can you imagine a world where you "happily" accept payment from a man in return for sexual services? Nope. Neither can I. There's nothing happy about it, and the only reason it's being done is because a No isn't an option. Think about it.

Money in exchange for sex acts as a form of consent because all parties have agreed to a certain set of rules and regulations to follow. It is their choice to perform the sexual act.

While I acknowledge that there are risks, such as encountering bad clients or dangerous individuals, sex workers typically have the ability to refuse clients and often develop relationships with trusted "regulars".

It's worth noting that some pimps, who are often women or former sex workers themselves, offer protection.

The points you've mentioned above will certainly happen - but that goes outside the "rules and regulations" and becomes a different matter.

In essence, for some sex workers, their engagement is consensual, indicating that consent can indeed be influenced by financial transactions.

Whether this is morally right or wrong is not for me to judge.

Can you imagine a world where you "happily" accept payment from a man in return for sexual services?

"Seeking Arrangement" is a website where women "choose" to find "an arrangement" - It's exactly this. No one has forced them to use this website.

The only reason it's being done is because a No isn't an option

For some, "No" isn't an option, I agree. But, this doesn't apply to every sex worker. Some choose to do what they do and enjoy it.

Whether one agrees with it or not, the reality of this phenomenon exists.

Aah the myth of the benevolent pimp and the delighted fulfiled well balanced mentally and emotionally stable sex worker. There's a difference between being forced by a person, and forced by circumstance or feeling that you have no other option. That could be for many reasons. If you grow up thinking that sex work is what you do because it's what your mum did, then technically nobody has forced you. Are you doing it happily because you want to? Probably not. It is nuanced, it's not as simple as if you're agreeing to take money for something they you're happy to do it.

I might take my Grandmas gold jewelery down to the high street this afternoon and sell it, even though it's really dear to me, I'd promised to pass it on to my children and my mum will be distraught if she finds out. If I agreed to it, and I took the money, doesn't mean that I'm happy to do so, or that it's the right thing to do, just that today I've got bills to pay and that's my only option. Yes I consented due to the financial transaction, no I wasn't happy about it.

You've distilled it into these key points:

• Coerced by someone
• Pressured by circumstances
• Feeling like there's no other choice

You've overlooked the option where you choose to do this because you want to. To consider that invalid is delusional.

Anyway, I think let's agree to disagree; this deserves its own thread.
Happy to start a new thread if you'd like.

I feel that the delusion is around the myth of the sex worker that's happy and in control and in reality who does that delusion support?

To keep this relevant to the thread, and what is missing from the picture, is the man who pays for sex with a sex worker in a hotel under the guise of his home being suddenly and inexplicably haunted for the short term. Who does he think he's paying, and how does he check if she's one of the minute and indefinable percentage of sex workers who will be happily lying there while someones lying husband humps over her, and baby wiping her bits with delight before she gets in an uber to the next one, while he does his belt up.

It's not glamorous or empowering or fun, and the narrative that it is does women no favours.

Whatever happened with the OP and partner situation? I still want to know!

Any luck finding anything out about your husband?

Yeah I'd like an update on this too

Did you manage to get to the bottom of it OP?

I can't believe he told this story and expected you to believe it. I hope the man who said he cries when his wife and kids go away for 3 days is joking. I read it twice thinking nah that's a joke. No man goes to a hotel and cries into their pillow?? I'm cringing as I write it!!

I was thinking about this thread earlier and wondered if there had ever been an update. I assume it must have not been what the OP wanted to hear. I’m really sorry if that’s the case, what a dick.

I'm assuming OP didn't expect to hear that her husband has cheated on her.
It would be good to know the outcome, but I suspect he wasn't confronted.

No, he called her to let her know he was at the hotel because someone had seen him there. He wanted to make sure she heard it from him first, before anyone else could tell her. Otherwise, he wouldn't have mentioned it at all.

Seriously? So he has no problem taking advantage of poor/trafficked women/girls by paying them for sex? Wow. I don't think I could be with someone like that. It would disgust me. I would definately try to get more info about his whereabouts. His story is so ridiculous it's obviously made up. Sorry OP but if you look into it Im pretty sure you will find something incriminating. Also, being secretive about his phone, finances, this screams cheater.

@Rainbowismyfavouritecolour did you ever get to the bottom of this?

Because this post is quite old I thought there must have been an update.

I've just re read it all.....

To no update !!