DP suspicious hotel stay

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So I went away for a week on holiday with the children. DP stayed behind on his own as he had work. One evening after work he left the house and stayed at a reasonably local hotel because he got scared and felt like something was ‘off’ in the house. Apparently the lights were flickering (it’s an old house in the countryside) and he didn’t feel safe alone there.

He rang me from the hotel and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He stayed one night and went home the next morning.

Now I think this seems really odd. AIBU to think something else went on?

YABU- this is normal behaviour
YANBU- his behaviour is suspicious

I’m an absolute wuss but I’ve never resorted to leaving my actual house if I’ve felt scared! He sounds crazy. Definitely think he’s had to make something up as he realises you could see him leave on the ring or someone’s seen him get out of his car at the hotel etc. Or he’s been daft enough to use the joint account for the stay.

He is

1. cheating

Or

2. a wimp

Both options would give me the ick

Go with your guy OP. Hopefully he's just a wimp and maybe suggest some self defence classes and get him a teddy bear

This is something I would do but if a man did it I’d find it strange
All those men acting sexist, and posts after posts moaning about it, but a man potentially being scared, how odd because we'll, men are strong and courageous. They don't cry and should act like big boys shouldn't they....

And if they don't, and dare to experience fears just like women do, it can only be a big fat lie to cover something sinister!

This forum amazes me by its double standards a bit every year!

Yes I feel like it’s bullshit and there’s another reason he has gone. He’s made out that I’m not being understanding of how he felt at the time and mean for questioning him.

He’s very secretive and I don’t have access to his phone or anything where I could check. He has his own bank accounts etc.
How can I investigate more?

Normally I think people on Mumsnet are too quick to jump to conclusions but I wouldn't believe this for a second. Sorry OP but I think his story is utter nonsense.

Oh and he hasn’t been bothered once by the lights again.

What time did he leave, did he have dinner there? I'd be suspicious.

He would've told you because you'd have seen him leave the house via the camera, also if someone came to the house. You'd also notice on the bank statements too so he needed to come up with a story.
I'd call the hotel and make up a story about losing something. I'd say the night i was there with Mr x and can they check in the bathroom etc.
Then I'd act all normal with him but go snooping and keep a close eye.

Sounds like he's gaslighting you. Does he use a car for work? Stick a tracker on it.

You can't really investigate more without telling him you don't believe him and he has to prove what he says is true.

I bet the reality isn't as bad as you're imagining. He could have had a night out with mates and didn't want the hassle of coming home drunk in a taxi. Would he normally hide that sort of thing? Is the hotel in a town centre?

He thinks he's being clever by telling you why he has a hotel booking.

Say nothing, pretend to believe him and look at when that hotel was booked and paid for.

Surely if you were away and he wanted to see someone else, he’d bring them to the house, and then remove Ring and put on charge?
why go through the effort of going to a hotel where there’s more chance of being spotted??

Booking.com - log in on the internet with his email address.

Or check emails if you can.

If he won't tell you, then check for yourself.

I'm crazy and would go to the hotel with the lost earring thing, or ask them for a copy of a VAT receipt just so that you can see when the booking was actually Booked/Paid for.

Very unusual behaviour - why on earth would a grown man decide to stay at a hotel in the middle of the week near your home? If he was scared enough to leave, was it latte when he booked? So he was ok to go out in the dark to the hotel? but not "brave" enough to go to a different room or go to bed?

nah. If it looks like a fish, and smells like a fish, its fishy.

What are you talking about? That’s one poster, not the whole forum, most of whom are saying they wouldn’t leave their own houses over some flickering lights, so no double standards. Any adult getting scared by flickering lights is a wimp, male or female.

If he's meeting someone at a local hotel he is a moron. What's the hotel like, around here the local hotels are also where people go out to dinner and are used as bars. Going to a local hotel would mean you'd almost certainly meet someone you knew. He should have gone further afield.

You obviously don't trust him so why stay with him.

Why was he only scared for one night and not after then? If there was something malevolent or demonic scaring him out, it wouldn't leave after 1 night, it would be attached to something in the house or if it was attached to him, would have gone to the hotel with him 🤷‍♀️

Also - I had an affair with a man who would call his wife from the hotel room.
Just before I'd get there.

Unknown to me until after the fact where his wife and I compared call times/messages when I found out about her

Some people are gross. best of luck OP! Hope you find out the truth x

I'd have to ask him when he booked the hotel and ask for proof. Did he phone you before he went or once he was there? Was he in touch with you much that night? Has he always been secretive with his phone? Did he choose not to go on the holiday?

Does ring keep the footage or is it only live?

You obviously don't trust him.

Why stay in a relationship where there is no trust?

Surely if you were away and he wanted to see someone else, he’d bring them to the house, and then remove Ring and put on charge?
why go through the effort of going to a hotel where there’s more chance of being spotted?

Maybe he doesn't want to be spotted by neighbours or may not feel fully relaxed having another woman in the house if in case op comes home early or he is worried someone may accidentally leave something behind?
In a hotel, he could go to the room first and someone follow up later and leave separately. He has already got his story covered if in case he is seen.

Does he have anxiety issues or anything? Clutching at straws. But I have anxiety and am terrified when home alone. I csn imagine me doing this. Although I'm also scared of heing alone at hotels.

Otherwise. Yeah he's making up a story becuase he was seen at the hotel/knew you'd see him leave on the doorbell.

Can you look at him leaving and coming back? How is he dressed? In his normal lounge wear or looking nice?

Oh but that wouldn’t help, you are safe from Freddie as long as you stay awake

I have an ex that was devious… he would have told me about the hotel stay so that he had a ‘reasonable’ explanation for why he was there. He would always tell me a small part of the truth when he was up to no good so that if someone saw him he could say that he’d already told me about it. Like he might say that sometimes his work sent him to a nearby town to cover sickness (which was a lie) but it meant he could go to the town to see a woman and if anyone mentioned seeing him he could say it was work and I knew about it.

Phone the hotel and make up a story?

Is that the best he could come up with?
And I agree with a couple of posters in that he was seen or thought he would be seen and so had to tell you something - that and the doorbell.

If hes that crap at excuses you'll soon catch him out.

Do you share any pcs? Any ipads etc? Where he may have logged into email or anything, a password might be saved. I would defintely check when the hotel was booked.

What time did he call you? I mean at what popint during his frightening evening did he decide he needed to hightail it out of the house and find a hotel?

Can you check the doorbell footage to see when he left and what he was wearing/carrying and if he indeed left in a mad panic while trying to bat ghosts off himself? Or whether he left dressed for dinner.......

If I were you i'd make out you accept his ridiculous reason. He is far more likley to make the next mistake if he thinks you are so easy to pull the wool over. And then go full on watch and wait mode.

Book another few days away? A friend suddenly needs you, sorry DH etc etc and then see what happens then.