DP suspicious hotel stay

[Rainbowismyfavouritecolour]

So I went away for a week on holiday with the children. DP stayed behind on his own as he had work. One evening after work he left the house and stayed at a reasonably local hotel because he got scared and felt like something was ‘off’ in the house. Apparently the lights were flickering (it’s an old house in the countryside) and he didn’t feel safe alone there.

He rang me from the hotel and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He stayed one night and went home the next morning.

Now I think this seems really odd. AIBU to think something else went on?

YABU- this is normal behaviour
YANBU- his behaviour is suspicious

Neighbours?

I'm so invested in this now after reading the whole thread!
Op have you called him out yet? I could have believed it until op said he has a history of using call girls. Although freaking out at lights flickering at 6pm when it's still light outside is fucking hilarious 😂

You wouldn’t get the negative comments about him if his story wasn’t utterly ridiculous. If there was any weight behind being scared I’m sure people would be more supportive. However, you’re talking about a grown man being scared of flickering lights before 6pm when it is light outside.

Is he prone to getting scared when alone or is this as out of the blue as it sounds?

Do you have reason to distrust him?

Hmmm...

Without knowing the man personally, I'd say this sounds a bit suss.
My gut would be saying that he was at the hotel with someone, and got spooked when someone he/you knows saw him. Or maybe no-one saw him, but he's got paranoia that they might have done. So then he wanted to get in their first with an excuse.

Yep, dodgy AF.

My friend is having an affair with a married man - he has a job that involves overnight stays in hotels (where my df joins him) and he always goes an rings his wife at 10pm 🤷‍♀️ the phone call doesn’t mean shit.

He is most definitely lying and should enter his story into a short fiction competition.
What grown man would leave his house saying he was afraid to go and stay in a hotel room. He only rang you so you would not ring him later in the night. Also why did he go back to the house the next day, was he not afraid then.
If he has a history of paying for sex then he is up to no good and I could not be with a man who had a known history of using vulnerable sex workers for his satisfaction. Dirty bastard.
You deserve better and could not sleep with a man like this.
Unfortunately us women are supposed to think it is now acceptable for men to pay for sex and for then to view only fans and pay for sex acts online, for me it is all cheating and would turn me right off them.

"He’s very secretive and I don’t have access to his phone or anything where I could check. He has his own bank accounts etc. "

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

You need to tell this story in front of his friends/family, his reaction could give you more information.

Say you are out for dinner with friends “Hey Dave, tell everyone about when you got spooked by flickering lights and had to go stay in a hotel”.

Will he be mortified/embarrassed, try to change the subject, shoot you looks etc (Most likely because he knows his mates won’t believe such a bull shit lie)

……. or will he happily recount his funny story of being spooked by a ghost!

Wait till he goes to sleep open his phone with Face ID and look

Check his phone. If he's up to something that's where you'll find evidence. Hope it's not the case but it'll gnaw at you until you know for sure. Good luck

Have you got proof he stayed at that hotel and not somewhere else?

Why is it that it’s acceptable for a woman to get spooked badly by something but not a man? I asked my husband and he said that it all probably happened just like your husband said, and my husband is no wimp! Maybe your husband experienced something really weird but didn’t want to tell you the full story about that because you might think he’d gone mad. I believe in spirits, bad and good, spirit guides, etc, and have had and know people who have had unexplained experiences. Why dismiss it as totally out of the question? Even if you don’t believe in that stuff, we can all let our imagination get the better of us sometimes!

Massage booking, or an Escort visit at a hotel. Sorry - just throwing it out there.

He could very easily have been with the woman, whether a prostitute or not, both before and after the phone call to you. He would have asked her to go to the hotel bar or something until he came to fetch her. Or even just go into the bathroom for a bit. A lot of men would not have a problem with having a perfectly normal phone call with their wife while enjoying a night in a hotel room with someone else. The fact that he called you tells you nothing.

Sorry op this does indeed sound like a tryst. Stupid man. Don’t be completely disheartened though as a man I once knew swore blind that most men are happily capable of a one night stand and walking away sans any emotional involvement. He called it a posh wank. Sorry I know that’s grim. I was pretty disgusted but he said it is what it is, just biology. Keep a lookout for signs of an affair but if you’ve not spotted any already and it’s got to the night in a hotel stage it was perhaps just a ‘moment of madness’ and not enough to upend family/the kids lives over. Wishing you lots of resilience. Men can be idiot sometimes.

Could be a man he was with and not a woman of couse (sadly I have experience of that scenario).

Did he call an electrician?

If my lights were flickering I'd be calling an emergency electrician. Because I certainly would not want my family home burning down from an electrical fault.

Did he cut all the power off at the main fuse box? Because that's the seriously only credible reason for staying in a hotel until daylight.

And it will cost you the contents of your overnight defrosted freezer.

Think you might need another night away to see if it happens again but stay local

Definitely be suspicious. And his conscious is telling him that if he tells you part of the story that he hasn’t really lied!! So, by telling you he’s at the hotel then deep down he feels like that’s enough to stop him from feeling guilty.

Very odd behaviour.

I think you deserve a night away in a hotel child free

Lights flickering at 6pm. When it's still daylight.

OK.

If my lights were flickering I'd be calling an emergency electrician. Because I certainly would not want my family home burning down from an electrical fault.

^ I've seen a lot of replies over the thread saying that if he doesn't call an electrician it's BS. This isn't the point of the thread but does everyone genuinely call an electrician for one episode of flickering lights?

Does it get dark before 6pm in your part of the world right now? We don't turn our lights on until about 7.30pm at the moment.