DP suspicious hotel stay

[Rainbowismyfavouritecolour]

So I went away for a week on holiday with the children. DP stayed behind on his own as he had work. One evening after work he left the house and stayed at a reasonably local hotel because he got scared and felt like something was ‘off’ in the house. Apparently the lights were flickering (it’s an old house in the countryside) and he didn’t feel safe alone there.

He rang me from the hotel and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He stayed one night and went home the next morning.

Now I think this seems really odd. AIBU to think something else went on?

YABU- this is normal behaviour
YANBU- his behaviour is suspicious

With this scenario though, with his story being so ridiculous, and OP not having access to his email/phone/computer/bank account etc, the way to see his true reaction is to come up with something equally ludicrous based off his "fear" that made him apparently leave the house at 6pm for 1 night only. She will know her DH well enough to gauge his reaction. If he was that afraid he would go to a hotel alone, surely he would be even more fearful for his kids if his wife became "anxious" about it and if not, why not🤷‍♀️

I suggest, not asking him again, act like it never happened. But I would be watching for change in behaviour.

Maybe you need a night away again.
Hoping It is nothing bad.

His story is utterly ridiculous.

The first time I read the OP I misread it and thought he was the one who was staying in a house away somewhere for work, he'd got scared there because the house he was staying in was more remote than he was used to, in a place he was not familiar with etc, and so had gone to a hotel. I thought it was a stretch and not very believable. I could easily see myself doing that. But not really any man.

Now I realise he was actually in his own home. FFS, that is beyond pathetic as a cover story.

And I would not ask him anything. I would tell him that I know exactly what he is up to.

Yuck bin him off OP, he sounds awful, you'd be better off alone.

It's a red herring

If my husband did this - would I find it odd - yes VERY.

And if he did, and he told me it was because the lights were flickering, I'd find it even stranger to be frank.

Yeah his definitely met someone there and is telling you as it's local and someone could have seen him and the ring doorbell would give it away that he was out all night. No grown man is scared in his own home at night that is just ridiculous

He would have paid cash and he wouldn't have used his real name !!!

Ring the hotel and say that you stayed there on XX date with Mr XX and think you left a scarf or some other inanimate object behind and could they check for you. If they ask what room number you stayed in, just say you can't remember as it was booked by Mr XX!

Where's op? Anyone else thinking this scenario is too ridiculous to be true??

I would be making life pretty hard for him. Ask him about feeling scared. Is this the first time this has happened? Has he ever felt scared in the house before? What triggered it? Does he need therapy? Why doesn't he feel safe in the house? What did he imagine was going to happen? I just wouldn't let it go.

And if he doesn't want to talk about it, I'd press on. Darling, this really isn't normal. I'm worried about you. I think we need to get you some help. Do you think it would help to talk to your parents/ best friend/ brother about it?

I really wouldn't play any games. His pathetic attempt is so laughable it isn't even worth the effort of that, you already know he is lying because there is no man on earth who would actually do what he said he did unless he had a severe mental disorder. Which presumably you know him not to have.

Prostitute 100%, he phoned you after she left as he felt guilty or wanted to cover his tracks.
At least he didnt book her to come to the house

Has he an iphone? You might be able to check his google timeline history and see where he was.
I track DH every month, i know exactly where he was at any given time on any day god love him.
Its never very interesting. Payroll/Timesheets are a pain.

Sounds like a tall tale to me. I can’t imagine me doing this (female) or my DP doing it (male).
and I agree he didn’t even necessarily go to a hotel. Have you asked him which one?

I hope you're not swallowing this utter garbage and slowly and quietly looking for ways to trip him up OP.

men that use prostitutes and think it is ok son't stop using them when they get married. Why would you when it's always been so easy and convenient before and you're not the kind of guy worried about the ethics?

Tell him you are going for a weekend to your parents with kids. Ideally Saturday morning to Sunday so you can narrow down nights.
Leave kids there and go sit in hotel lobby with some tea waiting for him and his company.
Don't wait for him to call you as sge will be sent home at that point.

Wondered how long it would be before a private investigator or tracker was suggested…. Would people really do this? What’s the point? It’s the same as trying to hack into their email or messages…. It’s just prolonging the inevitable. When the trust is that far gone, your relationship is already on its last legs- or dead in the water- unless you both really work at rebuilding trust.

There are only a few possible outcomes to trackers/hacking etc.

1. you find out your suspicions were justified. Presumably you end your relationship
2. you find nothing but remain convinced you are right and that your partner is unfaithful (whether you are or not). Any relationship where one partner feels like this is going to be awful for both parties and will probably come to a miserable end.
3. your partner finds out you’ve been tracking them. If they are innocent, you’ve probably hurt them and utterly breached their trust- they may well end your relationship. Or stay but now you’ve got major trust problems on both sides. If they are guilty, they know what you think and will be more careful (and now have the moral upper hand to gaslight you further). Or an excuse to end it whilst not being the “bad guy”.

Not a single one of those outcomes is that you have a good, solid relationship- so why bother? If you are convinced your partner is cheating on you, end it and move on.

But there’s no proof he even went to a hotel, he could have been staying with someone overnight is my point.

its risky for him to not return home, I don’t think he’d have done that for the sake of ‘staying for the breakfast’.

If this isn't a joke -why? I've got nothing to hide. I still don't want my husband tracking my every move. I'd never dream of spying on my husband like this.

You didn't read the full comment did you? Hint: payroll/timesheets.

Double bluffing incase OP found out?

HAHAHAH
Cos i do his mileage every month for our business.
It would really mess with My annual accounts if i told payroll I coulnt "spy" on him.
I did say payroll was a pain, what did you think i meant>?

It would be so helpful if people would write actual mileage logs themselves..

It's beyond a lot of people unfortunately (including me in fairness) so this is actually a really good idea!

Thanks for sharing!