C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

I had a C section when my DS was born. I was induced and in hospital for five days before my DS made an appearance.

At one point they were concerned he wasn’t getting enough oxygen and eventually they said they’d give it another half an hour and then I’d have to have a C-section is things hadn’t progressed. I had an emergency C-section and my DH and I were just relieved that he was born safe and well.

I had an epidural and couldn’t get my DS to breastfeed, did I feel like a failure, no. Did my DH make me feel like a failure, no. The most important thing was our DS was born healthy and thrived being bottle fed.

Your DH is an absolute idiot to say you took the easy option. How is having major surgery and not being able to lift anything heavy or drive for 6 weeks the easy option?!!

I really feel for you OP. I had a similar scenario whereby everything was fine until it wasn't, and I think it's really difficult to get your head around. I was induced and luckily (and it is just luck!) labour got going quite early on, but I opted for an epidural pretty soon after. I felt so guilty that i'd taken the 'easy' way out and 'missed out' on a 'proper' labour. I ended up with forceps delivery so was v grateful for the epidural! If my induction had gotten to the drip I would've refused and asked for a c-section. The minute induction is mentioned it all gets so exhausting; i think you did the right thing - like I said, my induction was relativley short but I was so tired, and I do think you start to know what way the birth is going.

Also, just to say, I felt my partner was dissappointed in me for having the epidural, but I think it was just the baby blues. If he really is making you feel bad maybe you could get your HV to have a stern word! Look after yourself! The dissappointment will fade in time but it's OK to feel it now x

Congratulations on having your little one :)

Given what you said in your post, I think you actually made the best decision for you and for baby. Who knows what distress the oxytocin would have put your already distressed baby under. He should be damn well thankful your baby had arrived safe and well and you have come off as best as you can given the situation.

I sympathise with you, my second ended up being emergency c section out of nowhere as she wasn't coping with the contractions very well.

I found it hard to come to terms with but eventually was just grateful she was here safe and sound. It's a decade ago now and the memory and scar has faded to nothing.

Never mind your husband, just enjoy these precious first days, they don't stay this little for long x

Congratulations on your daughter. You have grown and given birth to a beautiful baby. That is amazing, method of birth is absolutely irrelevant.
Your husband is being a complete and utter asshole. If he has form for this I would seriously consider whether you want to continue to put up with him. Tell him if he wants to stay married he needs to stop taking the 'easy option' of being such an ignorant waste of space and be a proper man instead.

Wow ! I’m another who thinks that your husband is a vile controlling bastard. I had an elective CS owing to my midwife saying that my baby was going to be very large. I did not regret this decision at all and my DH just wanted the best for me and my baby.

Just adding my voice to the "your husband is a dick" brigade. You grew a human inside you, that hurts, even if you have an easy pregnancy, having your organs moved around, and then kicked by a growing baby hurts. Your body grew every single cell of that childs body, piece by piece. You went through 3 days of labour, and then had major surgery just to birth the baby you had grown. The fact he isn't on his hands and knees, thanking you for doing all this, just to bring the baby into the world and make him a father is mind-blowing.
Instead of beating yourself up for what you didn't do, congratulate yourself on what you have done.
And if your husband has any more comments, remind him that your body made that baby, whereas his hasn't done shit.

I had nearly the exact same experience as you delivery wise. Emergency c-section due to foetal distress after induction. My DH is a doc and said he was super proud of me for going through the entire process and bringing our beautiful baby girl into this world safely!

C-section is not the bloody easy way out! Can you please tell your DH to take his head out of his arse and stop being a dick! Big hugs to you, you made the right decision.

This is one of those threads that it's a shame there's not a like button.

Then the first responder could have put 'your husband is a complete and utter cunt' and it would have just had 683 likes rather than 683 comments.

I had a very similar delivery to you OP. What I do know is without medical intervention I may not have the amazing teenager I now have. No one cares how she came into the world because the important thing was she did.

An unplanned C section is not easy, recovery takes time. Please look after yourself. I ended up with pnd which was awful, and putting more pressure on ourselves, or partners putting pressure on us is unhelpful. Right now your partner should be supporting you and the baby, not criticising something he will never be able to do, which is grow an amazing child.

I voted YANBU because any way you feel after giving birth is OK - it's hugely emotional and terrifying! But your husband is a piece of shit. As others have said what you did was a) incredibly hard, harder than anything he's ever done and b) the right choice. What scares me is his lack of empathy - treating you like this is a precursor to how he'll treat you and your child whenever things are difficult. It's not a good time to be thinking about being single, I know - and I can only hope he's not in his right mind and will be ashamed when he remembers. Thinking of you and huge, huge congratulations for getting through birth and bringing your little one safely into the world.

I’m a former obstetric consultant. Apologies if you know all this already, and for being blunt:

Induction is sometimes decided on and needed to avoid the placenta failing before delivery (which could lead to stillbirth or serious disability). Unfortunately, it is - especially with your first child - a process where the outcome is uncertain.

You had already endured 3 days of an induction, which is hellish, and to endure a further day or more of established labour would have put you in an even worse state with lack of sleep/food/beds/pain.

If your baby was already showing signs of distress before starting the oxytocin drip, then starting it would almost certainly have worsened the distress, resulting in an acute risk to your baby’s safety, and a cat 1 or “crash” Caesarean. In fact, had I been on duty as the medic, I would have refused to start the drip with an already abnormal CTG.

You made absolutely the correct decision to have the Caesarean without starting the drip. This means that although your op was emergency in nature (unplanned), it could be done without undue risk and in a safer fashion.

You took the right decision to keep your baby, and you, safe!

What an absolute disappointment your husband’s atrocious behaviour is - unfortunately not uncommon for this to start or escalate when you are vulnerable in pregnancy or a new baby.

Please be careful to get as much help and support as you can from close family and friends, and don’t be afraid to let them know how your husband is treating you, without minimising his behaviour.
Please think carefully about how your relationship goes forward from now - this is emotional abuse (speaking sadly from personal experience of this).
Your language is somewhat reflecting this already ie: being grateful for him “helping” with his own child.

Wishing you all the very best, and congratulations on your new baby.
Keep posting here for support.

You did what you thought was best for your baby and how dare anyone criticise you for that. Hold your head high, be proud of yourself, thank the lord for a healthy baby.

I have no words. get help . Get away from him.

I have not read all of this thread.
Your husband I think has a similar mindset to mine.He is now deceased or I would introduce them to each other.
Fifty four yeas ago I almost died giving birth by emergency c section, two years later when finding out I was pregnant again he decided to join the merchant navy and came back when our second child, also born by emergency c section was two months old.
He did this because he was so ''traumatised'' by the first birth and did not want to know.I made sure he would not do this again by having my tubes tied.
His reaction before he even looked at new baby and older child was ''I am tired as been sitting in the airport all night waiting for a flight home''
I am not going to enlarge on his behaviour and attitude to my horrendous childbirths.No one would believe any of it.
I am still affected by this now.
You are not alone OP.

You had a c section in the best interests of you and your baby - doctors were concerned about baby.

c sections literally save lives.

your husband is being hugely unfair and you should not be feeling bad or disappointed in yourself at all.

I can’t believe you are even doubting yourself.

Sorry but your husband is a complete arse.

Keep posting on here @Lessonsinchemistry6 I know exactly how you feel.
He kept telling me that none of the women in his family had any trouble giving birth so why was I different!!!

I hope you told him to fuck right off.

Oxytocin drip is hell on earth. You did the right thing.

I did that, loads of times!.

There is no easy way to birth a baby and there are no awards for taking maximum risks or suffering the longest labour. How you birth your baby (c-section is still birth, the baby is BORN as a result) has nothing to do with your competence at parenting. I’d even argue that just because you birth a baby doesn’t make you a mother. Raising that child is what makes you a mother.
You birthed a baby. You did a bloody amazing thing. But it’s a drop in the ocean of the long road that is PARENTING. You are being far too hard on yourself and losing sight of what matters. Your baby is fit and healthy and now in need of their mother's love and care. Be kind to yourself OP.

Your husband sounds awful. He doesn’t get an opinion on when you’ve tried hard enough for a vaginal delivery.

Despite your own disappointment about the c-section, you put your baby’s safety first. You are a brilliant and natural mother.

DH can shove his bloody opinions.

Your husband needs to read this thread. He's being very unkind when he should be championing you

How fucking dare he!! I’ve had three sections for our three beautiful children and DH has never shown anything other than undying gratitude at what I’ve had to endure to bring them into this world. Says he never could have done it. Disappointed in you my arse. Are you not disappointed in him that he turned out to be a monumental prick?? I’m livid on your behalf. (Also don’t worry about subsequent pregnancies or births, mine were all fine - although I strongly recommend against having any more children with this absolute dickhead).