C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

i had 2 natural births with bigger babies and was suggested to have a c section for my 3rd as all my babies have been over 10 pounds. A section is by far the hardest and worst out of them all!! You just went through a major abdominal surgery! I know woman have had a lot better experiences but I definitely would never recommend a section to anyone who doesn’t have to go through it. It’s not easier. The healing process is excruciating!! I’d love to see some of these “men” push out a full baby from their ass and come back and suggest what would have been easier! What an absolute disgrace behaving like that towards the woman who just gave him a child, this is the most vulnerable time in any woman’s life. Horrible horrible person he is. I hope you are okay and on the mend soon. How dare he.

You are being unreasonable to be disappointed in yourself. You made a sensible decision for the safety of your baby given the circumstances. A caesarean is not an easy option but when it’s necessary it saves lives.

Your husband is a dick, his attitude is appalling and sadly you’ll probably always remember his ignorance and cruelty at a time when you needed his support and love.

I had two fairly straightforward vaginal births and then complete opposite with my youngest, waters broke but labour didn't start, no induction methods worked and drip was an absolute nightmare causing baby's HR to drop constantly. So emergency section although they would have given me a bit longer if I'd wanted it. CS was BY FAR my hardest labour and recovery, it's so far from the easy option, it is really unbelievable your husband says/thinks that 🙄. It was also in NO WAY your fault and neither was mine. Some babies just come out the sun roof, it is as simple as that. Enjoy your beautiful little squish x

This. With knobs.

Sending you lots of Love OP. You are in the depths of the hormone drop AND dealing with this, I can't even begin to imagine. Confide in some mums you know in real life 💜💜💜

100% this

Having been someone who was “disappointed” I needed a c section, I now know with hindsight, all that matters is that my beautiful DS was bought safely into the world. It is definitely not the easy option - I didn’t have to push but I did have to deal with 13 weeks of recovery and daily trips to the doctor to help me heal. I was similar to you and had been induced for three days and was fucking exhausted by the time I was offered a c section. I’d much have had a few hours pushing and little recovery time. My DH didn’t think I took the easy option and tbh, anyone that does think it’s an easy option is completely clueless.
My DD, due in a few months time, will be a planned section. She will hopefully be born happy and healthy and it won’t make me any less her mother or any less of a woman.

Wow I've read some posts on here but jeez OP are you serious? Baby's safety is of the utmost importance and they needed to be born...it is not the 'easy route', if you think that then I suggest you get reading and as for your husband well he sounds like a keeper...NOT. Recover, get your emotions in check (& your DH) and enjoy your amazing baby.

"DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties."
Well he can fuck off for a start.

It certainly wasn't the 'easy option'.
If the hospital thought you should definitely have gone for further aggressive induction they'd have voiced that pretty loudly.

They don't just do unplanned sections on a fucking whim.
They do them based on clinical needs.
To get a baby out alive without compromising a healthy outcome any further.
It really wasn't your 'decision'.

I’ve had four completely unmedicated vaginal births and one csection. I’d push out a baby every day and two on Sundays before I’d have another section, easy way out my foot. Being disappointed and needing time to process is normal/okay. Your husband is not.

This is unbelievable. How would your DH like his abdomen cut open. Would he prefer a dead baby or wife. What a prize piece of shit.

This is infuriating! A c section isn’t the easy option. It’s a perfectly valid choice for a safe delivery and to prevent birth injuries.

@Lessonsinchemistry6 just to be clear, I also voted YABU, because you are being way too harsh on yourself. You have not failed, you did nothing wrong. So if you're upset by the vote it will likely be heavily skewed by others voting for similar reasons.

It's okay to be disappointed that things didn't go the way you would have wished but please don't be disappointed in yourself.

Also, to reiterate it again in case there's any doubt, your DH is really being completely unreasonable here, to the point of being an utter twat. Don't listen to a single word he says.

Would he rather you/baby have died than have a c-section? That's what would have happened to me if I'd not have had (or worse REJECTED?!) the necessity of a c-section

Get angry OP - what kind of man has any right to dictate how you should give birth to your child?! He should be bloody singing your praises not criticising you for what sounds like it was also an inevitability to get your baby here safe.

This is EXACTLY why they have changed it from birth CHOICE to PREFERENCE! You have to accept at the end of the day its a medical process that you only have so much control over and things can and very ofteb do need to happen in order for the desired outcome to be achieved i.e healthy baby and mummy!

OP don't settle for this sorry excuse for a man - would you want your child to end up in a relationship with someone like him?

Get angry OP - this is abusive in my book, don't subject yourself to this horrible man any longer.

"Every day and two on Sundays"🤣🤣🤣

Thank you for making me chuckle with this line!! Perfectly said!

You’re an absolute hero op - calm and sensible under immense pressure. I completely understand your sense of disappointment. It’s very common, even the norm, to feel disappointed in ourselves for how the birth went, and that’s true even in text book vaginal labour. It’s part of the healing from what is essentially a trauma. And lots of us, who have felt similar things, are here to tell you that have nothing to feel guilty about.

I think that guilt functions a bit like a double espresso to keep us going when we otherwise collapse and is nature’s way of giving us extra drive and energy to take care of a helpless newborn. But with our advanced language processing brain we make up stories to explain the guilt and this is a very common one. It feels like the truth because it’s a thought from your own brain but sometimes brains just make shit up.

You did an amazing job. I’m sorry that you had to go through a c-section because it makes everything so much harder for you. Many people do go on to have vaginal births after a c-section so that could be an option for you too. But for now, look after yourself and know that you’re an amazing mamma

Give yourself a break.

Caesarean section is the only surgery where five layers of tissue are opened and the mother is expected to stand six hours later, taking responsibility for one more person, not to mention the intense uterine contractions, product of stimulation of the mammary glands, release of oxytocin and the deluge of hormones.

If you're a Mum via c-section, you're stronger than you think. Be proud of yourself.

You’re grieving for the loss of the birth you thought you would have and it’s likely that there is some trauma from the stress, worry and exhaustion of the whole situation.

When you say “I know DH is disappointed in me”, do you mean he has said this outright or made comments to this effect - or do you infer this from other actions? Either way, you need to be very clear with him about your own feelings and make sure he knows that at present, the priority is supporting you and DD without judgement.

Congratulations OP, sounds like you did an incredible job, hope you have a speedy recovery and your DH provides the best support he is able to x

btw, having a C-section for first doesn't mean it will be necessary for second or more. I chose to have my second and third 'normally' and it all went well. Recovery was so much easier and quicker too.

Another one who would like to know how exactly being cut open and having a baby taken out of you is the fucking EASY option?!

Congratulations on your baby, I'm sorry about your awful husband.

Congratulations on a safe birth and lovely baby.
I suspect the yanbu/ yabu is evenly split because yabu very unreasonable to be feeling disappointed and yanbu to feel conflicted and sad about your awful DH.
Take care

Sending you love OP💐💐💐💐
I had both my kids via c-section -

First pregnancy failed to progress after 48 hours of induced labour, then my DD’s heart rate was erratic & I had signs of pre-eclampsia so off to Theatre to be whipped out. Second, a ridiculous amount of complications - hospital rest for 5 weeks due to dangerous placenta previa, then another bout of pre-eclampsia - this one a c-section under general anaesthetic. Weeks to recover after both. It’s so bloody hard.

You have NOT failed. Some women can pop babies out like peas from a pod, others are like me and everything inbetween. The memory of this will fade, I promise. Your healthy child is what matters now.

The only thing I would say opposite to most posters is that yes, your husband said a twattish thing but you need to talk - open & up and tell him how his comments made you feel. Assuming you still want him in your life as a husband and dad - just communicate, let the tears flow but make it clear you need his support more than ever and you can’t turn back the clock but you both have a new daughter to love.

xxx

Congratulations on your lovely baby. You did the correct thing: the best thing for you and your baby. That is all that counts.

Tell your DH to STFU and/or try to squish something the size of an orange out of this penis. And that he really needs to step up now. Big time. But most of all congratulations on your baby.

I have had 2 natural labours and one planned C section and the section was hands down the worst experience, more painful and worse to recover from. The 2nd natural labour was brutal too with all the whole tool bag out at one stage and without pain relief just for comparison. You took the hard option for the safety of your child, well done x

I had an early c section due to being high risk. I ended up in major organ failure. 4 months in ITU and another 11 in a normal ward….I ended up with blood clots all over. Stroke bilateral PE. Bleed on the brain….so your husband is a dick if he thinks that was the easy option

I now advocate for high risk births

Ok I'm a man and I can't believe what an absolute cunt your husband is.

Did he want you to die, or the baby, so me could claim you had a "normal" birth. After 3 days. 3 fucking days! Where on earth does he get that thought process from.

I would seriously consider leaving as I would worry that should I become ill, or today at some stage he would consider that my fault also and I wouldn't trust him to support me.