C Section disappointment and DH

[Lessonsinchemistry6]

DD was born on the weekend, I had an easy low risk pregnancy up until the last few weeks when scans flagged issues with the placenta meaning doctors wanted to induce early. We started off with induction but I ended up having a rushed delivery by c section before getting onto the oxytocin drip, this was partly my choice because I had been in the process for 3 days by this point and was so tired and drained I didn’t think I could cope with a long labour. DD was also showing some dips on the monitor and doctors were clear any more signs and we would be going to theatre anyway and I felt it was likely heading this way so I asked for it and declined the drip.

I feel so disappointed with myself for having the c section and I know my DH is disappointed with me as well. I was pretty scared during the op and recovery hasn’t been easy but DH has made comments about taking the easy option and that I can only blame myself for difficulties. He has helped a lot with DD but it’s been hard having to rely on everyone to help me even pick her up. I know subsequent pregnancies will be high risk now as well and it’s less likely I’ll get a ‘natural’ birth although the placenta issues would have put me in a higher risk category I think.

AIBU to feel this way? Im not sure if it’s just baby blues or if I should expect some more emotional support or if I really made the wrong decision.

This

he said what now?

Tell him to get lost! There is no “easy option” when delivering a child. He has not felt the pain of a contraction or carried a child for 9 months so frankly he can piss off as he’s in no position to judge.

Do not spend another second feeling any guilt. You did what was best for you in the moment and your child is here safely, that is all that matters.

OP you did the right thing for your baby.
Congratulations, and well done.
Tell Husband to F off,.or support you.

This! C sections are by far more complicated and recovery time is long. If my OH had said this to me I'd of punched him.

Your DH is a cunt. Tell him if he wants to find out about the east option get his stomach cut open through all the levels of muscle.

Please don’t be down on yourself. A c section is not the east option.

if you feel traumatised contact the birth trauma association.

Tell your misogynistic prick of a DH to grow up.

And I think there will be no shortage of mumsnetters happy to pop round and help lay the slabs. It’s really helpful to jump up and down on them to help bed them in.

What an utter twat you 'd'h is. Why are you letting him treat you this way?
You can 100% have a natural birth next time!

I’m sorry your DH is such a bellend. It’s nothing to do with him, his job is to support you, your decision got your baby to you safely.

It DOES NOT MATTER how your baby arrives in this world as long as they arrive safely and mum is ok too

Many congratulations on your baby! Your husband needs to give his head a big wobble. He is being so selfish.
Many have said you should leave but not realistic at the moment so put that out of your mind for now. Concentrate on baby and your recovery. Direct what energy you have left to make him take responsibility for you both and running the household.
Going against the grain here but I don't think CS is always more painful than vaginal birth. I had
2 sections and recoveries were straightforward. I've had more pain with toothache. I had a poor friend with 3rd degree tear with her first. She was in pain for months and incontinent. Elective CS for 2nd she said it was far easier

I said YABU but only because you are being far too hard on yourself. You made an entire human! That's an unbelievably badass and amazing thing to do. And then you had medical help where it was needed. I had medical intervention when my gallbladder wasn't healthy - should I be disappointed on myself for having it removed? Nope, of course not, it was necessary, just like your c section was.
Now your husband... That man is being an absolute cunt and if he can't step up when his wife and tiny child needs him, with love and support and doing his fair share - NOT 'helping' - then I suggest your loudest and most outspoken friend tells him what's what. How fucking dare he be disappointed in literally anything you did to safely bring his child into the world. How DARE he!
Congratulations on your baby. Listen to all the excellent people here who have your back and who know you have not even a crumb of a reason to feel disappointed in yourself.

Taking the easy option ? Are you kidding me ?!

Firstly, your DH is vile for saying that! How dare he !!

you had been in labour for days and you were exhausted ! You didn’t have an elective c section just because you fancied it ( not that I would ever judge anyone for it ! ) your body was exhausted !

I have had vaginal births with mine and each time I was petrified at the thought of having to have a c section! My biggest fear! I know it’s hard as a new mom anyway but to also have to deal with recovering from major surgery - the thought terrified me !

You have done nothing wrong at all! You gave birth to a health child and went through an extreme trauma to do so - childbirth either way is traumatic and bloody hard !

Choosing the easy way - honestly that comment has enraged me ! How bloody dare he! There are no points for the way you deliver just like there are no points for not having pain relief or doing it at home / hospital - it all amounts to doing what is needing to be done to deliver your child .

A man has no right to comment like this . I’m all for men’s rights as fathers etc but the delivery - they have never and will never experience , they have absolutely no idea of the pain or the trauma .

You did amazing OP . You are doing amazing . Don’t let your H ( I am removing the ‘dear’ part ) tell you otherwise or let you think otherwise !!

Firstly congratulations on your new baby. Your husband is not being supportive or indeed kind. A c section is not “an easy route” it’s major abdominal surgery. It sounds as though there were some signs that baby your baby was showing some early signs of distress and if this is before you even started the hormone drip then they may have suggested a c section anyway.

You did what you needed to do at the time so please don’t give his comment any headspace.

wishing you a good recovery and enjoy your new baby

Just to add - if there was such a thing as “an easy way out “ every woman would take it! The amount of pain a woman endures does not make any difference to the health or happiness of their child so why wouldn’t we ??

“but DH has made comments about taking the easy option”

What a jerk.

I had been really torn about whether to have a c section due to health complications at the end of pregnancy. I had the op booked and changed my mind as I felt like I was giving up on a vaginal birth that everyone told me would be an easier recovery. I had a vaginal delivery with ventouse and since had problems with uterine and bladder prolapse that I didn’t have before the delivery. I wish I had had a c section in hindsight. I’m so sorry your husband is not supporting you, it’s a very difficult decision to make particularly when you are scared and exhausted.

Easy option??

I had an emergency c section with my first and I refer to it as many things but easy is most definitely not one of them!

I chose to save my child’s life. So it wasn’t whale music and freestyle birth. Your husband should be grateful he has both of you at home instead of the alternative. What a dick.

Your baby and you are safe and well. That's what matters.

I was similarly disappointed after having a c-section with my firstborn, not helped by all the natural childbirth talk we had heard at the NCT classes we had been attending, but you followed medical advice. Better to go for the c-section than wait for it to potentially become an emergency.

I hope you're feeling stronger soon. I had to have a c-section second time round as well but was much more relaxed second time as I knew what to expect and wasn't so caught up in the whole natural childbirth thing. Your husband is being insensitive to say the least and has no right to be disappointed. It seems like it now but, in time, you'll both see it really isn't important how your baby arrived.

I hope the OP is okay. Having a new baby, unplanned C section and reading comments which confirm that your husband is a horrible person must be a lot

If a man has a (selfish) preference surely it should be c section - at least your undercarriage isn't torn to shreds!

The easiest birth is a straightforward vaginal birth. Unfortunately it's not a choice anyone can make - it's pot luck or genetics combined with age. 9 out of 10 women need intervention. About half end up in c section one way or another. You were stuck with 2 less than ideal options and chose what you preferred at the time. It was absolutely the right choice for you.

Your husband doesn't know what he's talking about and is completely unreasonable to think he has any say in this whatsoever. He needs a kick up the bum. Maybe his mother or the midwife can have a word. He should be embarrassed and ashamed of what he's said to you.

This.

He is abusive

I’m sorry I haven’t read all of the responses, but I wanted to recommend to you that when you’re ready you book in for a birth reflection session.

My story is similar to yours, but even with a supportive husband I was still feeling very upset about my son’s birth a year on. The hospital birth reflections session helped me feel heard, and reassured that it wasn’t my fault.

i contacted PALS to book it - I think it is likely to help you process what happened to you - probably more so than your husband’s attitude!