To be disappointed about the book?

[AnnaSewell]

My daughter is in her mid-twenties. For Xmas she bought me a slim paperback book. I thought at the time it was a fairly modest gift but thanked her and put it on one side.

This evening I picked it up to read. I found she had omitted to rub out the pencil price put in at the charity shop. The book had cost £2.49.

I would like to have been worth a tenner.

Did you like the book?

Is she frantically saving for a deposit? Struggling with cost of living? My eldest is mid twenties and I wouldn't hold a secondhand present against him tbh. I did get close to sulking when I thought my 17 year old had forgotten Mother's Day, so I'm not above bruised feelings, but there are so many reasons why money might be tight at that age and in this economy. I honestly wouldn't take it personally.

I feel it is the thought that counts, not the £££ spent. I love to read so a book is a great gift for me, and if my DC finds one in a charity shop rather than new, I would feel proud of their eco-conscientiousness and frugality.

I choose books that I think will be loved by the reader. A book worth 50p can be a memorable and fabulous read.

So I don't get where you're coming from. I've never judged the worth of a present by what it cost the giver - I had one superb present given to me by a friend that had cost her precisely nothing!
Unless the book is something she knows you wouldn't like.

What sort of presents does your DD normally buy you? Does she generally buy you presents that seem thoughtfully chosen and that you’ll enjoy? Are they quite luxurious presents or are they more low key? I’m just wondering, to see whether you think it’s out of character for her to buy you this sort of thing or whether it’s in keeping with the sorts of presents she normally buys.

There may be something to unpack OP about you conceiving of your self worth to others as being defined by the £ they spend on you.
I would like to have been worth a tenner

I am wondering if there was any kind of unfairness or feelings of deprivation from your childhood that established this thought pattern?

How strange. Why would you like it to be worth a tenner? Would that make the book more enjoyable?

So you would be happier the same book was a tenner over £2.50? What amount of money does your daughter have to spend on a gift to show she loves you enough.

Presumably the family gift giving norm has been broken and that is what's caused this reaction.

I have met people where they had a golden child sibling who got the most expensive, lavish gifts and they got well shite from Poundland. So this creates an association of lots of £ spent shows love, and little £ spent shows lack of love. Things we are shown in childhood often go deep and affect our other relationships.

That’s a bit of a shit gift. How much do you spend on her? Scale it right back.

I would honestly treasure any gift my daughter bought for me.

If your relationship with your DD is good, I wouldn't worry about how much of her personal wealth she spends on your gift.

£2:50- unacceptable
£10- acceptable

Why £10?

I think we need to know more about the level of presents you all usually exchange

The cost was irrelevant - is it a book she would be reasonable to assume you’d like?

My daughter bought my Christmas gift in a charity shop. It was a really thoughtful choice of book. How much it cost her was unimportant, and I love that she thought of me when she saw it.

My kids often come with things when they go charity shops with daddy and I couldn't care less if it was free or 10p it's the thought and love when they give me something

I think posters are being disingenuous, OP. I can understand why that feels hurtful if its the only thing you received from her and you don't have a family tradition of extremely inexpensive gifts or you know she is struggling.

How is your relationship otherwise?

I'll send your daughter £7.51, so she can forward to you, so you know your worth.

It's the thought that counts.

My son bought me a Mother's day card (he's in his 20's) for his favourite Mother In Law. He just crossed out in law and proceeded to tell me the shops were sold out.
We still laugh over it.

Re the book, we'd be - do you remember when you bought me that book and forgot to rub the price off? 😂 Eejit.

My first thought was “is it out of print?”

Is it a book you really wanted? I'd be thrilled!

I had the opposite with my DS, I was casually chatting with a friend and she was talking about Milton brown and their rose and rhubarb range, she said they have a candle in that, I said "oh I bet that's nice",

DS overheard and bought me one for Christmas, I think it was £40 and he must've really stretched to get that. I was pleased with the sentiment, but no way did I want him spending that amount on me.

For me, pick a pebble off the beach and paint it for me, that'll be lovely!

Is it a thoughtful book?

And that there is the greatest gift of all.....

💓

I remember in my twenties. Horrible time. I’d been to uni, got a job, my own place, my family was so proud. I’d done everything that was expected of me. My entry level graduate job was crap pay and never kept up salary wise with inflation, I ended up accumulating £7k of credit card debt trying to preserve the image that I was doing ok.

I remember dreading Christmas and birthdays thinking I would need to supply half a dozen presents to various family members knowing that that was what they expected from their successful daughter. Wish I’d been sensible enough to just pick out a thoughtful token gift rather than all the stress and upset I inflicted on myself trying to keep up appearances.

Gideon Bible.

Ripped Off.