To be disappointed about the book?

[AnnaSewell]

My daughter is in her mid-twenties. For Xmas she bought me a slim paperback book. I thought at the time it was a fairly modest gift but thanked her and put it on one side.

This evening I picked it up to read. I found she had omitted to rub out the pencil price put in at the charity shop. The book had cost £2.49.

I would like to have been worth a tenner.

I would love to know the back story as to why someone would only spend £2.50 on their mum’s Christmas present because there absolutely must be one.

I can't believe People are still expecting OP to be delighted with the thoughtful gift.

The daughter didn't even take the time to rub out the price!
Did she write a card or inscription explaining why she thought this book would be a great read for OP?
Or a heartfelt note expressing her love and gratitude?
Wrap it beautifully?

There's nothing to suggest the gift was especially well thought-out.

I think it was clear from early in the thread we are not talking about people who can't afford to be generous, but people who could and choose not to be.

@AnnaSewell rather than feeling offended by it, if this is a dramatic change from usual gift giving patterns within the family, I'd be concerned and checking that she's actually doing as well as you think.

Could she be struggling financially? When I was starting my career there were a couple of years where present-buying was a huge financial stretch and even £10 per person was something needing planned and saved for due to rent, uni debt, training expenses, travel costs, etc eating up a starting salary that hadn't kept pace with inflation.

Could she be struggling with her mental health? Depression, anxiety, etc can all make it harder to plan and follow through with activities.

Could she be having other difficulties in her life that have put so much stress on her that this was the best she could do?

It’s not that tight by the sounds of it!
£2.50 is fucking miserable for a Christmas present. It’s clearly not a common theme for the OP or she wouldn’t have posted. If daughter was going cheap this Christmas she’d have said something to her mum.
More like some fall out or an issue between them that OP is completely ignorant to

Is that thoughtlessness of the gift, rather than the cost that is the real cause of your upset OP? If it was an out of print edition of a book you wanted then that is different but it doesn't seem to be the case.

All the posters defending the daughter's sheer thoughtlessness are talking bollocks. The OP received a thoroughly shit present and has every right to feel aggrieved.

Exactly.
If my son, who's a student, saw a book he thought I'd like in a charity shop for £2.49, he'd buy it and just give me it the next time he saw me - he certainly wouldn't be thinking that's Christmas/Mum's birthday sorted.

There's a place between lavish unnecessary 'insta worthy' gift giving and £2.50 on your mum for Christmas. It's the place the vast majority of people occupy, where they tend to offer a level of generosity to others conversent with their relationship, means and norms within the family. Vanishingly few people occupy a space where a charity shop book would be their chosen gift for their mother, unless this was understood as part of the family ethos, or they were in hardship. So I'm not sure why people persist in pretending its normal, and that anything else is some form of decadence and greed.

Advanced search is useful. And you're right.

This! Absolutely! I had a professional job but rents were high and I didn’t have a good enough relationship with my parents to admit to my lowish salary and strained financial circumstances.

As I had a professional services’ job and as my sister was ‘only’ a teacher, they paid for things for her ( holidays etc), though she actually earned far more than me and lived in a much cheaper party of the country.

Also the dynamics of childhood come into play ( I was seen as successful and to be taken down a peg or two; my sister was seen as helpless ( even though she is older) and to be helped and supported. Not helpful.

It’s impossible to say what your child’s circumstances are, or your relative position s. Some kids are thoughtless, some parents clueless. Try to take it in good faith and keep an open mind.

Go on, save my poor thumbs

Totally below the belt.

Has she grown up in a family where money has always been tight, your dh or partner (if you have one) has never bothered with gifts for you and you've accepted that or does she lavish money on herself and be tight on others? All of that would affect my response.

Tbh money was tight when we were growing up and my parents never really bought gifts for themselves instead focusing on us. I like to treat them and I do buy them stuff I know they will like or need. I can ask my mum directly wheras my dad is harder. So I might get my mum something for a fiver in passing because she will like said gift but for her birthday or a special event I'd spend more. Whilst I know she wouldn't want a lavish gift (she'd be on at me for wasting money) a pebble wouldn't quite do it either.

Fair enough, but maybe she could have bought 4 or 5 books then. That's what I do with my mum - every occasion she gets a bundle of charity shop books that I have thought she will like which I've picked up over the preceeding months. I also buy her a top or something she needs.

this.

This sounds very ungrateful, even if I just got my mum a card she would happy as would I if that's all my DD got me when she's old enough to buy presents. Christmas has become very gift focussed, and it can be incredibly stressful and expensive. Time spent with each other is far more valuable

Agree with this. I understand, OP. I'd be upset.

Scale back what you spend. You're on a low wage, and she's an adult with a professional job.

I would never expect gifts from my adult daughter, but I am happy with anything she gets me.
This wouldn't have stressed me in the slightest.
I love reading, and pass them on to friends when I have read them (they pass theirs on to me).
I guess it is the fact it was a gift that upset you, but even so, I would rather my daughter saved for what she needed rather than spend money on me.

Present giving feels like such a minefield.

When my sister asked what she could buy my son for Christmas we requested one Julia Donaldson book of her choice as we were starting our collection. Because she found some second hand and had an idea of how much a gift should be worth she gave us about 20 books. They've been the absolute faves for years, but the point is we'd have been thrilled with just the one, it didn't matter to me if she spent £20 or £2. We often say that second hand gifts are fine, and then because people have a financial expectation when it comes to gift giving we end up with an absurd amount of stuff because £20 goes much further in a charity shop than in a toy shop or regular book shop or wherever. I'm told that the gift is the choice of the giver, and the recipients role is to be grateful regardless of what was given. I don't always agree with this tbh, but the amount spent wouldn't be something which bothered me personally.

Think the world would be a better place if we cared less about what something was worth and more about what it was worth to us.

If it's a book by an author you like or on a subject of interest to you, then it's a thoughtful gift. If it's just something random then not so much.
If she has kids, could it be she spent most of her money on their gifts? Or is she just struggling for money in general? If none of those it seems a bit rubbish. Maybe a nice relevant book, plus another gift would've been better? The cost itself isn't really the issue but I can see why it doesn't look good. But a lot of Xmas gifts are dross anyway and get shoved into cupboards or given away by January.

As a slightl aside

I buy lots of books for my dad for his university course -philosophy and ancient Romans. Lots of those books I'd get off Amazon and may be second hand.

Those ones may have come via charity shop at sone point. Most of my legal books were second hand and sone from oxfam book shops with good reference sections.

So in that case, for a book you wanted, then it's fine. She may have got it from Amazon for £10 not spent £2.50.

If it's RANDOM CRIME NOVEL then it's a bit cheap, if it was say a good hardback biography-say Michelle Obama's then I'd overlook the charity aspect -assuming I enjoyed that sort of book.

I had a look at OP’s posts, she seems very reasonable to me.

Her daughter sounds judgemental and interfering.