To be disappointed about the book?

[AnnaSewell]

My daughter is in her mid-twenties. For Xmas she bought me a slim paperback book. I thought at the time it was a fairly modest gift but thanked her and put it on one side.

This evening I picked it up to read. I found she had omitted to rub out the pencil price put in at the charity shop. The book had cost £2.49.

I would like to have been worth a tenner.

Another MNer who thinks all relationships are purely transactional

As a parent, you brought your child into the world. They didn't ask to be here. How can you expect anything at all from them? How can you possibly tell them what is 'good enough' when you dragged them into existence?

How utterly depressing a viewpoint that is. No wonder the current generation of young people are so self-obsessed and many are so shit at creating and maintaining positive relationships.

To be honest I think that people who react like you in this type of situation to be tiresome and rather shallow.
I don't mean it harshly, but that's just what I think.

Why on earth would you place your "worth" on the monetary value of a gift? What would you say at the other end of the extreme had she bought you something worth £50,000? Oh how lovely and how much she must love me? It's ridiculous.

And if you got no gift, then you mean nothing and she hates you?
You need to build up your self esteem and stop placing value on items rather than your actual relationship with your daughter, how you communicate, if you get on, how you raised her, whether she is a good person.

It doesn't exactly show a lot of care or thought. I wouldn't mind a second hand book if it was significant somehow but these seems like a quick cheap grab.

That's awful, isn't it.

I might raise an eyebrow and think they’d been a bit cheap (depends on their financial circumstances though), but I don’t think it would annoy me that much.

How very childish

We’re a ‘ there’s too much stuff in the world already family’ so love the local Oxfam bookshop.. All book presents come from there.
Perhaps your dd felt overwhelmed Christmas shopping. Perhaps she feels there’s just too much crap in the world.

Very nicely put.

Yes, I agree. Context is everything here - financially struggling, it’s very understandable. But if not, and - crucially- if other family members or partner received more thoughtful and/or expensive gifts, then this appears to be very hurtful.

Exactly this!

The apps saying just don't buy her anything are not even considering a conversation with the DD!

Unreal!

God its such a depressing race to the bottom on here! All these ' oh just give me a twig or a pebble - I'm happy with any old shite' brigade!

I'd like to know if all the people preaching this genuinely gave their mother's a £2.50 charity shop book on its own as their Christmas gift?

Why are we conditioned into thinking that we don't matter. That our role is to make everything good for everyone else except ourselves. I hate it.

I have a dh & dc & we all treat each other equally. And have done from the start. We all make an effort to show each other that we care & that we appreciate having each other in our lives. It's important.

I wish women would stop making such martyrs of themselves.

Your daughter did not act nicely towards you & I understand why you feel overlooked & undervalued.

This would be like spending significantly more on one child than the other. Yes - if the second child is a baby. No if they’re 8 & 10.

The argument that some posters here are using would apply- the monetary value is irrelevant. How many of us would actually spend £100 on one child and £10 on the other, because the financial value is irrelevant and does not reflect our love for them ? Seriously?

My mattering is not connected by cost of presents.

Yeah you're probably the "insta" Christmas present person, look at all the wonderful presents I got, so expensive, so thoughtful, so incredible that everyone thinks so much of meeeeee!

Whilst really your relationships are broken.

We all know those people.

Second hand’s fine, I bought my DD two second hand hardback books for Christmas on a topic I knew she’d enjoy. We had a good laugh about it.

However, if you think she was just being lazy, tell her you saw from the price ticket it came from a charity shop so you’re happy to donate it back to the same one if it’s a cause she likes to support? Hopefully it might embarrass her into a bit more consideration next year.

I wonder if the people arguing this is fine would want to think their own adult DC turned up at a friends wedding with a set of tea towels from the charity shop as a gift? Or handed their host a can of lager as their party contribution? The boss known for putting 50p into leaving collections? Because if your child is mean to you, either they're tight fisted by nature, which personally I'd be ashamed of, or they're making a special exception and being tight fisted with you, which isn't great either. If people are happy raising misers, that's your call. But generally they're not well liked.

So you enjoyed the book? What does it matter what it cost she saw it and thought you'd love it? Which you did . I really can't stand materialistic people , my friend got me something free of fb market place for my birthday I couldn't care less as I love what she got me and she went to the effort to find it for me

Or they can't afford more .....?

Cost of living and high rents, mortgages etc?

Clearly it is a lack of thought here. A random charity shop book, NOT by a favourite author, seriously?

The daughter in question can afford more.

Of course it may be the subject matter that is more disappointing.

It wasn't this one was it?

I would also have been disappointed in a charity shop book as a gift, unless it was from a person, who was short of money and had put thought into the choice.
From an adult daughter in a good job I would have thought it was some sort of strange joke.

@DodoTired the OP has decided that she can afford it, no conversation has taken place...

Tbh I would never expect my child to gift at the same level as I do to them.

Really @Noyesnoyes , why is that?