To be disappointed about the book?

[AnnaSewell]

My daughter is in her mid-twenties. For Xmas she bought me a slim paperback book. I thought at the time it was a fairly modest gift but thanked her and put it on one side.

This evening I picked it up to read. I found she had omitted to rub out the pencil price put in at the charity shop. The book had cost £2.49.

I would like to have been worth a tenner.

Daughter on professional salary. No debt. Not currently saving for deposit, though highish rent

The book is certainly a good read, though the jacket shows signs of wear and the pages are a little faded/discoloured. Not an out of print book by a favourite author.

I am low waged though mortgage paid off.

We don't tend to go for lavish gifts, but I had bought her two new books - one cookery, one fiction - plus a clothing voucher. Total spend £75 plus a few small stocking fillers.

Tbh I would never expect my child to gift at the same level as I do to them.

Clearly you see cost of a present as a sign of affection or love, not everyone does.

I gave my mother a recently published, hardcover book that I got for under half price at a used bookstore. Once I erased the price, you couldn’t tell the difference.

If your book had been in such good condition that the price note was the only thing distinguishing it from a new one, I would have said you were being unreasonable. But it sounds like it definitely looks used, so I’m on your side.

I would reduce spend to £10-20 on her present in future, given you’re on a low wage.

Depends on the book. Is it one she had read/enjoyed/wants to discuss with you?

I would be hurt to, I'm not materialistic at all but this smacks of a total lack of though and effort.

I don’t think in general monetary value has anything to do with a gift (my mother in law once printed out a picture I’d said I adored and put it in a frame and it bet all presents!!) but if you say it’s not a classic edition of a book or a book she thought would stay with you forever then I’m lost as to why she didn’t even pair it with some sweets and a candle or something.

This is what I thought. It's about way more than what she spent on the present. The OP feels unappreciated, and it hurts.

Buy her similar next year.

Was it Black Beauty? (Sorrryyyyyy)

I just can't imagine ever being that person who on receiving a gift from my child, no matter how much she earns compared to me, and being so pissed off I start a MN thread about it.

Obviously all relationships are different and @AnnaSewell and a few others clearly base theirs on how much money is spent on them.

What's your relationship like with her usually?

A second hand book would be an absolute no no in my family . We are extravagant gift givers and no it isn't linked to any self worth guff we just like to appreciate people and chose things they will love .

It’s an odd one , in so much as you weren’t happy £2.49 had been spent but £10 would have been ok . I’d be asking myself if something was wrong though if this deviated from normal present giving from her .

For example I spend more on our adult children than they do on me and my husband but I prefer it that way . However their presents are kind and well thought about .

If one of them gave me a second hand book , of no obvious personal connection, I would be wondering if either I had upset them , or if something was amiss with them . But , that’s because it would be such a change from our normal behaviour, which I think is the key here .

I’m amazed at some of the responses on here. If it had been the OP’s DH who’d done this the responses would have been very different.

I think that's a crap present and would also be hurt.

Love all these mums who would be happy with anything My mum makes it clear she expects expensive gifts from me - her request list is totally money orientated. I can guarantee that she will give me the cheapest thing on any list i gave her - ditto for my DS but not for golden child..... i honestly wouldn't mind if she spend some thought on the gift though but when she tries to think it just makes it clear how little she understands me.....

a second hand book could be a really thoughtful present - if its something she thought you'd like/had mentioned- my close friend gave me a charity children's book for xmas as it had memories/something we'd talked about. Was there nothing special about this book?

Maybe she is time short and had to buy something in a rush? maybe you suggest exchanging lists in the future (its not without problems but may be easier)

I've occasionally given someone a second hand book as a gift, but I'd always mention that when giving it ("This is from a charity shop but I thought you might like it") Whilst it may not be worth dwelling on, I think it's a bit odd to give the gift in the way she has. Could it be that she doesn't really want to 'do' presents?

Yes I would feel the same.

If there's was something about the book that made it special (subject matter, author, book I used to have but lost etc) then I'd love it regardless of price. But if it was just any old book the shop had in that day then yes, I think I would be hurt.

If things are otherwise good, maybe gently enquire about her finances, in a broad "is everything ok' kind of way.

Oh come on; why are women expected to value themselves so little?
If the ops daughter was struggling or a single mum fair enough, but she is on a professional salary and her mum is low paid.
Has anyone on MN literally only spent £2.49 on a present for their mum? Oncr my kids got part time jobs as teenagers they spent more than that on me.

If it was an out of print book that she knew you wanted and she had gone to some trouble to source a copy that would be one thing. But this is something else. Especially as she didn’t even remove the price.

Dear god, another "you have to spend ££££££££££s on me at 'special' times or you don't love me" post.
Don't people realise how pathetic they sound? Why do they think the amount spent reflects esteem? So clearly insecure

I know. Some people are just put materialism over sentiment though.

Why?

I do see where you’re coming from, OP. Even though it was a book by your favourite author, a box of chocs to go with it would have been nice.

As you’re on a low income, you know for this year that it’s OK to spend less on your daughter at Christmas. Personally, I think £75 is a lot to spend on a grown up child giving that you’re not well off.