Me and DH recently went on a short break with his sister and her husband.They have 2 children 2 and 5.
we live really far away so obviously we don’t see them super regularly but when we are all together we’ll do something with them for longer stretch of quality time like a trip or mini break.
we’ve both noticed before that they don’t seem to ever discipline their kids or say no - this is obviously a conscious choice they’ve made together. I’m aware that a ‘gentle parenting’ style is a bit more of modern choice but to me the complete lack of boundaries was really visible and really affected us and everyone around us. We both found it quite shocking especially in public settings like going for dinner etc. They seemed a bit oblivious but me and DH felt really tense by the end as there was always an ‘incident’ or two everyday. It did sort of ruin the end of the holiday.
Few of things that happened (sorry some of these are bit gross)
- Allowed their 2 yr old DS to wee in the shared villa pool
- Allowed 2 year old to poo in a public spaces (not in toilet)- pub garden/public park etc
- Allowed both kids to play a game throwing large rocks and pebbles at people walking by
- Their 2 year old is also going through a phase of punching - at one point wandering down some narrow packed touristy streets just windmilling around punching people walking by. BIL just stood passively and watched. The boy then had a massive crying tantrum when another tourist told him to stop. BIL comforted him about the ‘nasty man’
- Allowing 5 year DD to scream continuously in high pitched tone in restaurants (happened several times) - going through a phase of thinking it’s funny - both didn’t tell her to stop. DH did gently tell her a few times that we weren’t enjoying in perhaps other eating dinner might not like it either. Both parents said nothing.
- A lot of tantrums/fake crying - no intervention/words.
We never had kids so I’m really aware that I might not ‘get it’ - because of this we both feel that questioning someone parenting style might be a bit of a d**k move but it does really marr the time we spend with them.
Do we say something or just ride it out until the kids are a bit older and it’s everything is just a bit easier?
Really don’t want to damage my relationship with my SIL and BIL but also starting to dread family time with them. Advice please!