SIL and BILs parenting style - is this okay or AIBU?

[shootingstar001]

Me and DH recently went on a short break with his sister and her husband.They have 2 children 2 and 5.

we live really far away so obviously we don’t see them super regularly but when we are all together we’ll do something with them for longer stretch of quality time like a trip or mini break.

we’ve both noticed before that they don’t seem to ever discipline their kids or say no - this is obviously a conscious choice they’ve made together. I’m aware that a ‘gentle parenting’ style is a bit more of modern choice but to me the complete lack of boundaries was really visible and really affected us and everyone around us. We both found it quite shocking especially in public settings like going for dinner etc. They seemed a bit oblivious but me and DH felt really tense by the end as there was always an ‘incident’ or two everyday. It did sort of ruin the end of the holiday.

Few of things that happened (sorry some of these are bit gross)

• Allowed their 2 yr old DS to wee in the shared villa pool
• Allowed 2 year old to poo in a public spaces (not in toilet)- pub garden/public park etc
• Allowed both kids to play a game throwing large rocks and pebbles at people walking by
• Their 2 year old is also going through a phase of punching - at one point wandering down some narrow packed touristy streets just windmilling around punching people walking by. BIL just stood passively and watched. The boy then had a massive crying tantrum when another tourist told him to stop. BIL comforted him about the ‘nasty man’
• Allowing 5 year DD to scream continuously in high pitched tone in restaurants (happened several times) - going through a phase of thinking it’s funny - both didn’t tell her to stop. DH did gently tell her a few times that we weren’t enjoying in perhaps other eating dinner might not like it either. Both parents said nothing.
• A lot of tantrums/fake crying - no intervention/words.

We never had kids so I’m really aware that I might not ‘get it’ - because of this we both feel that questioning someone parenting style might be a bit of a d**k move but it does really marr the time we spend with them.

Do we say something or just ride it out until the kids are a bit older and it’s everything is just a bit easier?

Really don’t want to damage my relationship with my SIL and BIL but also starting to dread family time with them. Advice please!

"im just able to look on it with a different view."

Oh, get you 🙄 🎖️

"no one can really comment..."

Err........ 🤣

What were the chances of the OPs SIL being on this thread?

But @adviceaunt is clearly her!

Because no two people can possibly empathetic with that type of behaviour..... thank god!

It begs the question.....where is the poo now?????

@adviceaunt no one can really comment....,,

I can, it's dreadful behaviour allowed by dreadful parents.

There you are done.

Literally just about to ask this. Please tell me they didn’t leave human shit in a pub garden? If so hanging may be too good for them 🤢

Sounds bloody hideous. But there is no way you can say anything to them! All you can do is ‘gentle aunt and uncle’ the children. “Niblings when you make that screaming sound it makes me feel
overstimulated and overwhelmed, I’d like it if you could stop. Oh you won’t stop? Then I need to go and take some time for myself in another room”

Or just tell them to shut the fuck up.

Yabu for calling this 'gentle parenting'.
This is permissive parenting!

It's called not parenting

“Niblings when you make that screaming sound it makes me feel
overstimulated and overwhelmed, I’d like it if you could stop. Oh you won’t stop? Then I need to go and take some time for myself in another room”
But the whole time you're having this conversation everyone else in the restaurant is suffering the dreadful racket. Pick the child up, take them out and then have that chat if you must.

They sound horrible. I would not waste another cent vacationing with them.

🤣

These children have no boundaries and their parents will regret this in years to come.

i know of a child who has never been told no. This child rules the roost and I know the parents regret his now, their child is 8.

I had a friend with a child like this, no boundaries and it put me off spending time with them. So much so we lost contact as it stressed me out and I was embarrassed by the child’s behaviour.

i will amend my comments too; bad parents hunt them down and burn them at the stake! this appears to be the normal response on MN... its actually so funny

Then you've got a strange sense of humour. And the only person talking about burning anyone at the stake is you.

I dread to think what your parenting is like if you are a parent.

And this is why kids turn up to school with no boundaries, no structure, no routine, no manners and no respect. And then it will be the school’s problem, and other kids will suffer.

I'm also wondering what happened about wiping, if anything... and if wiping happened where did the paper end up... 🤢

The number of times I read things like this and people say it’s gentle parenting 🙈

With gentle parenting, you need to set the kid’s boundaries - and enforce them. It’s hard as it’s a lot of explaining and getting your child to understand why their actions are wrong. It’s just the concept of ‘punishment’ is different - and I think healthier for young children. This doesn’t sound like parenting at all tbh…. They are just letting their children run riot!

As many have said: this isn’t gentle parenting - this is failing to parent. It’s actually quite scary for DCs not to have boundaries. Your SIL and BIL are utterly failing their children.

I remember seeing a mum just pulling down her kid’s pants for a poo on the grass in the park beside the playground. Seemed unnecessary. Just whisk them behind the bushes! She didn’t give a toss, her other kids were running wild as well.

is feral parenting style? thats gony bite them on the ass.

I'm not sure this level of 'gentle parenting' is healthy for the kids! All kids need boundaries, it's part of growing up into society...I wouldn't go away with them again

Some people seem to think that the only alternative to strict parenting involving shouting and hitting is allowing the child do anything. Some will allow it because they are clueless, some are too lazy to parent, some because they are kind of entitled or selfabsorbed.

That is not gentle parenting. That sounds like no parenting.

Wow
are they going to be home schooled or regular school because they are in for a shock if they do go to a regular school that sort of behaviour will not be tolerated