Toys in school | Mumsnet

SpinningTops · 23/04/2024 09:19

My son is in reception and on the waiting list for an autism assessment.
I think you need to be more understanding of the other child's needs. Whilst it might seem unfair to your daughter she can probably manage going to school without the toy.
For the autistic child they might not manage that.

My child can panic going into school. His heart is racing and he is visibly distressed. Sometimes giving him a teddy / object to hold onto can help him to regulate his emotions and gives him something to focus on / obsess about.

So yes, YABU. An adjustment made for an autistic child is fine.

CammyChameleon · 23/04/2024 09:23

What next, your daughter has a classmate with SEN who's incontinent, so she should get to wear pull-ups too?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 23/04/2024 09:23

It's school. There are plenty of toys already in the younger classes. You child wouldn't have time to play with her own toy anyway.
Can you actually imagine the chaos and fights if 30 children in a class brought in a different toy from home each day? I don't think you have thought this through. Things would be lost or go home with the wrong child. Then angry parents would be in complaining about broken toys or an expensive toy swapped with one from poundland. It would be never ending. When would any actual teaching get done?
The autistic child will have different needs and probably relies on her toy to help her to cope in school.
There is a huge difference between needing something and wanting something. You should understand this and explain it age appropriately to your child.

crumblingschools · 23/04/2024 09:25

@Strawberrycherrypie I seriously hope someone isn’t this ignorant and this is a reverse or joke (not funny) post

InTheRainOnATrain · 23/04/2024 09:25

I don’t agree, sorry. If every child brought a toy in it would be chaos for the teacher to keep track and there would be lots of arguments about not wanting to share their special toy.

A reception age child should be able to understand that her friend has austism so going to school is sometimes a bit harder for her and that she’s allowed to take a comfort toy to help her. My youngest is wearing his own hoodie to school at the moment because he’s broken his arm and we can’t get the school jumper over the cast- that’s not unfair to the others who prefer their own clothes to the uniform, it’s an adjustment that has to be made because he can’t wear the school jumper. The toy is the same for the little girl with autism; a reasonable adjustment that means she can fairly access education.

BodyKeepingScore · 23/04/2024 09:26

Strawberrycherrypie · 23/04/2024 09:13

My DD is in reception and often wants to take a toy in but they don’t. Allow it. However she keeps saying why is her friend is allowed. Her friend is Autistic and is allowed to take in toys for the day. Aibu to think it shouldn’t be one rule for one, one for everyone else

YABU. It's up to you to explain to your child that other people have other needs and to ensure she's empathetic and compassionate about that. Making out like she's hard done by simply because another child with SEN is having accommodations made will set her up to be entitled.

Mushroomwithaview · 23/04/2024 09:27

I had a parent say this to me recently; that it wasn't fair that I had different rules for their child than for another. I had to explain that my job was to help every child achieve their personal best, and that success looks different for everyone and that's okay. I don't expect everyone in my class to need the same teaching in math and reading so I tailor my teaching to every child's need. Similarly, most of the children in my class can unpack their own lunch and a couple need help to get the lid off the yogurt. That's okay too! But I'm not about to start opening everyone's yogurt because one or two of them are still getting the hang of it, and otherwise it's not fair. Perhaps your daughter's friend's very best right now is to get through a day at school with the help of a toy. Good for her. Finding a way to exist as an autistic child in the public education system is no enviable task. And your dd can get through the day without a toy! That's great. So the next lesson to teach her is that we're all different and everyone needs different support and different teaching. Sometimes that can seem a bit unfair when you're little, but it's a lesson worth learning.

GallowwayGirl88 · 23/04/2024 09:29

Wow.

Somethingsnappy · 23/04/2024 09:31

I echo other posters. A loved and familiar toy can make a child with anxiety feel much better. Anxiety is major challenge for many children (and adults) with ASD. Maybe take some time to educate yourself on the matter, and perhaps you can develop a little more empathy, which hopefully your child will learn from.

chocomoccalocca · 23/04/2024 09:32

My ds1 is in year 1 and regularly takes a toy in, he is currently on the waiting list for an ADHD and Autism assessment and taking a toy in for him is important. He doesn't get to play with it and he knows this but it's a comfort to take it partly because he worries others won't talk to him without it. I could not allow it which would end in a massive meltdown and a tricky day for him just to appease another parent. I say all this knowing how hard it can be explaining why your child can't do something others can do I do understand but equally you do need to have awareness of other children's needs.

Heavymetaldetector · 23/04/2024 09:32

Yeah my son is autistic too, and he "gets" to play with an ipad - [because he can't write so uses it to do work on] and "gets" to take a transitional object [toy] to school with him on particularly difficult day. He has a life long learning disability, and yet he and I have been made the subject of this petty jealousy by parents of other children, particularly when he was taken to do an activity for him and 2 other disabled children once. There were complaints to the school. It is incredible. If you feel your child is missing out on something, try for a second to think of all the things children with additional needs miss out on every single day. My child cannot be in the nativity, is not involved in whole class activities, misses out on school trips, misses out on any holiday or after school activities where there is no SEN provision, has not had one play date ever. This is an opportunity to learn about supporting those with additional needs, not complaining about how unfair it is that someone has allowances made for them due to neurodiversity.

Pogointospring · 23/04/2024 09:34

Think of it this way - if she wanted to take your family puppy into school every day to cuddle would you be using the fact a visually impaired child had a guide dog as a reason to allow your child to bring in their pet? Or suggest the guide dog shouldn’t be allowed to make it fair?

One is just a toy/“want”, one is a reasonable adjustment for a disability. And as parent of an autistic child, I get really tired of parents of NT kids bitching and whining that my child is allowed certain things theirs isn’t, gets extra attention, does t have to do x, y and z - guess what, it’s not terribly fair my child has off the scale anxiety and a life long disability either, but that’s the breaks. Interestingly my child’s peers don’t complain after it’s been explained why DC has something or can do something they can’t, they just understand and accept it, it’s always the adults.

pimplebum · 23/04/2024 09:35

Shocked at your ignorance
Just be bloody grateful that you are only battling a child who wants to bring a toy and will soon get over it

spare a thought for that parent if the autistic child ! Her battles are all day and night every day and night without let up

Tristar15 · 23/04/2024 09:36

YABU. I echo what others have said. You need much more understanding and you need to teach your DD the same.
My DD is in Y2 and mentioned taking in a fidget toy as two boys in her class have them. I explained that they need them and she doesn’t. You need to do the same.

Goldx2 · 23/04/2024 09:36

Of course you are! Her friend is autistic which it’s why it’s different.

saraclara · 23/04/2024 09:37

As people with blue badges for parking say "you're welcome to my parking space, but you need to take my disability with it".

Presumably you are grateful that your child does not have a neurological disability that makes her need a transitional object to cope with school, OP? Would you like her to have the same difficulties as her classmate, so that she too can take a toy?

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/04/2024 09:37

Autistic children have adaptations made for them to help them access their education.

Allowing all children to bring in toys is a recipe for chaos.

As476 · 23/04/2024 09:38

My little boy has suspected autism and keeps a bunny rabbit soft toy in his bag. He knows it’s there if he’s having a wobble and his teacher knows it’s there in case he needs it. He hasn’t needed it yet and his classmates are not aware of it. At this point anything that helps him go to school without stress is 100% worth it. Please don’t be so ignorant. Teachers jobs are hard enough without every child bringing in a toy from home.

HappyEater · 23/04/2024 09:38

NT kids do not need to be taking toys into reception. You need to find ways to say no to your DC without worrying about everyone else.

Bournetilly · 23/04/2024 09:39

You are being ridiculous, surely you can understand why the other child is allowed to take a toy.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 23/04/2024 09:41

I agree with you OP and that's why my child gets to attend school in a wheelchair accompanied by a guide dog despite "needing" either

PTSDBarbiegirl · 23/04/2024 09:43

Teach your child compassion and that everyone is different. She is able to manage without taking home items in. The toy is an accommodation for SEN. If it was peg feeding would you let your child think they should also have a turn or explain the difference and it's not a whim or choice.

JurassicFantastic · 23/04/2024 09:44

If there's a child in school with a guide dog, should all the other children get to bring their pet dogs in too?

awopbopaloobopawopbamboom · 23/04/2024 09:49

OP: YABU. And ignorant.

Coldfeetandnocleansocks · 23/04/2024 09:59

Life isn’t fair

but thank God the school are trying to make it equal so this little autistic girl can access education.

never desire someone else’s accommodations unless you are prepared to take on their disabilities and their struggles…