Toys in school

[Strawberrycherrypie]

My DD is in reception and often wants to take a toy in but they don’t. Allow it. However she keeps saying why is her friend is allowed. Her friend is Autistic and is allowed to take in toys for the day. Aibu to think it shouldn’t be one rule for one, one for everyone else

Wow, YABVU

My son with ASD and ADHD has crippling anxiety about being in school, he has a box from home with bits in for comfort.
If you could see how upset he is EVERY morning you might understand why some children need to have extra.

I can imagine that it’d be a nightmare for primary teachers - ‘special’ toys constantly being mislaid or ‘borrowed’.

A bit different at nursery stage, when children may need some comfort item, esp. perhaps in order to nap.

This has GOT to be a reverse surely? No one can be this far up their own arse and be so ignorant???

YABU, really hoping this isn't real

Count yourself fortunate you don't have to deal with the day to day struggles in the school system that those of us do on a daily basis with a child that has SEN.

If her friend was in a wheelchair would you think she should get one two? How about books in braille? Hearing aids?

People complained that DD (who has impaired mobility and struggles to walk) was allowed to sit out of PE when their DC weren't.

Bad enough that the children thought it, but for grown adults to be agreeing with them made it even worse as DD was then the victim of the comeback.

OP - learn some empathy and maybe teach your child some.

Aibu to think it shouldn’t be one rule for one, one for everyone else.

Yes, YABVVVU.
Seriously - have you never heard of reasonable adjustments?

I know it's difficult for small children to understand at first so ypur DD will need a chat and explanation.

You are not a small child so your lack of understanding here comes across badly OP.

If your child suffers from severe anxiety and distress and the toy could help then do go talk with the school about support for her too. Many ND children aren't diagnosed at the reception stage and may still need adjustments for example.

But if your child can cope and it's just a case of want and not need, then please leave it.

Yabvu. Surely at reception age your child is old enough to be explained to and expect to follow the rules of the school. Start educating her rather than wanting to throw your toys out. This is exactly why we have such a growing entitled generation. Always me me me.

That’s fine but all the other parents get very strictly worded notices about not bringing toys in so to a 4 year old they just see it as well why am I not allowed? I’ve obviously spoke to her about it. I

Perfect example

And as with other things that your child sees and doesn't yet understand, part of your job as a parent is to help explain it to her, and help her to see that she won't always get to have/do exactly the same as others and that is ok.

Time for a conversation about everyone is different… plenty of lovely books out there about how unique we all are. If you ask school they probably have done you can borrow.

If she can’t get it yet - she’s only 4 then let her take Mr Fluffy to school with you if it helps her - but ‘so he doesn’t get lost Mr Fluffy comes home with mummy and will meet you at home time.’ - it’s really not rocket science .

Your post comes across very badly as all you can see is ‘it’s not fair’ against a disabled child having reasonable accommodations.

please think about the reality of having a child with disabilities and all it entails. Judgments like this are just so harsh when you are battling the realities of life, the disability; the school system etc.

acceptance costs nothing - but means so much.

(mother of 2 disabled children)

So you explain the difference.

This is basic parenting.

^ this. Yabu op

And? Why the post then?

You should perhaps warn her that some kids will be getting certificates for sitting still on the carpet even though she does every day and she won't be getting a certificate for that but perhaps more academic achievements or kindness...

This is a really interesting thread. DS is in Y1 and is just beginning formal assessment for autism. He often cries because he’d like to take his teddy to school but I’ve not asked because there’s a rule that says no toys. We bought the bear specifically as an anxiety reliever, so I’ll ask as everyone seems to agree it’s a reasonable adjustment.

My 4 year old understands that different children live by different rules. She asks me why another child can do something and she can't, and I tell her 'well maybe her parents have different rules to me'. Or I say, 'she has different needs to you, and that's why she has that toy', And that is enough of an explanation usually.

Kids need to understand that there are different rules for different situations, and those rules might apply differently based on people's needs and abilities.

Things like this only become an issue if the parents make it an issue. You explain that “x has some extra needs so having a toy helps them, you don’t need that though” and that’s the end of it. Children of that age are actually on the whole very accepting (unless their parents teach them not to be)

Your post reminds me of the parent who complained it was unfair that DS had his own TA and her child didn’t.

Can you personalise her school bag with a novelty keychain on the zip, have her choose a drink bottle or stickers for her lunch box and reader cover?
Explain the reason why some children have different rules.

Otherwise, encourage her to take "toys" that are allowed when appropriate. Many schools would allow her to take a pack of cards, elastics, jacks, marbles, spinners, skipping rope to share and play with her friends.

OP - to forewarn you as to some other things you are going to find tricky, if you can't explain this one.

"Sophie is going on holiday in term time, why can't we?"
"Fred goes to after school club, why can't I?"
"Jenny's mum gives her sweets after school, why can't I have any?"
"Sam gets to do the easy/hard maths; I want to do it too"
"Angela was chosen to be an angel in the school nativity, why do I have to be a sheep?"
"Chloe is allowed to stay up until 9pm; why do I have to go to bed so early?"
"Why can't I sit with my friends in class? Some people are."
"Why do I have to sit on blue table when red is my favourite colour?"
"Everyone else has a mobile phone - why can't I have one?"

If your child takes a toy in, are you going to blame the teachers if it doesn't come home safely?

If yes, don't you think that they might have enough on their plate without adding managing, protecting and reuniting with their owners 30 special and much-loved toys which have no doubt been passed amongst the children throughout the day?

Do you actually want the teachers to teach your child, or should they spend all their time keeping track of who has what toy and who it belongs to?

Well, I think if you/ your daughter are prepared to loose the toy, go ahead!

Just a little anecdote from my DD... she took a Barbie doll to school- not allowed and I didn't know she sneaked it into her bag. She was 8 at the time so a bit older.

Anyway, Barbie was doing acrobatics with some other dolls and ended up on the roof of the schools covered play area. Luckily the caretaker felt some compassion and fetched the doll for DD a few days later. Lesson learnt with tears and tantrum.

So, please leave toys at home, it really isn't worth the hassle.

Absolutely this.