Toys in school

[Strawberrycherrypie]

My DD is in reception and often wants to take a toy in but they don’t. Allow it. However she keeps saying why is her friend is allowed. Her friend is Autistic and is allowed to take in toys for the day. Aibu to think it shouldn’t be one rule for one, one for everyone else

That just isn't true. They might not understand the word Autism but they don't need to. They understand children have different needs.

The amount of time wasted on tears and tantrums and lost toys would be huge.

Indeed, significantly more disruptive to the whole class than allowing one autistic child to bring their toy in.

A reception age child should be able to understand that her friend has austism so going to school is sometimes a bit harder for her

Are you fucking kidding? A 4 year old does not understand this, at all.

School should be managing it more carefully, so that the other children are less aware that this child has such an obvious exception from the rules.

If a child gets to a stage where they have to have so many adjustments to cope, there's a point where mainstream may not be meeting their needs.

A reception aged child isn't too young to understand about autism at all, in fact its the perfect age to start educating them on different needs, although you may wish to educate yourself first.

Autism also isn't equivalent to being a bit anxious about school ffs.

It's amazing to me that you think reasonable adjustments for a disability is unequal. What you think is 'necessary' to allow access to education clearly means jack shit tbh.

My child has classmates who he calls 'chart children' who I guess have SEN and have charts and when they meet certain targets they get rewards like time on the ipad or extra play outside. My child would like that too but I tell them they are lucky that they don't need a chart! And the child understands. Children see difference and can understand it at their level.

They understand children have different needs.

No, they really don't. Not on this level. Their empathy and ability to understand other people don't have the same feelings as them is barely developed.

I have to disagree with you. I have over 30 years experience as an Early Years teacher and they absolutely can understand that children have different needs.

Yabu, that child probably really needs the toy! My friends child has a sensory toy and she'd be lost without it.

So going to school and interacting with different people helps them develop it

Are you fucking kidding?

A 4 year old can absolutely understand disabilities.

I hardly think taking a comforter into school is "so many adjustments" either.

But, yes, let's stick all the disabled kids together in socialist schools so we dont piss off the NT with reasonable adjustments hey.

Honestly i think their comprehension of it is much more physically focused than understandimg social & emotional needs.

Eg Tara needs to wear glasses because her eyes dont work so well

Tommy can't eat nuts because they make him sick

"Teddy needs to bring a toy to school to help him feel better" is much harder - because they want their comfort toy too, and would probably be happier with it, and its specifically not allowed, - so why do Teddy's feelings about it all trump theirs?

I said "if a child gets to a stage...* not suggesting at all that a comforter is thar stage.

But honestly i think you are all attributing comprehension for awareness. Autism & neurodiversity generallyis incredibly complex, subjective & variable, many adults don't understand it, how on earth could a four year old who could be quite immature and struggling with school themselves?

Children that age often notice another child is different. But they tend to lack real empathy and cannot imagine properly how someone else might feel.

So going to school and interacting with different people helps them develop it

Agree. But it doesn't mean a child this age won't feel upset about this sort of thing. They will feel it is unfair and won't understand the reason why.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

My friend's son is autistic. He has an EHCP and a 1:1 at school, was deferred for a year but is still struggling. It's not a definite that he will learn how to read and write. Yet he doesn't qualify for a place at a SEN school because he isn't performing badly enough yet, and in any case the waiting list for SEN schools in their area is 2 years long.

Its really sad that too many children do not get their needs met by the current system. Whatever we are doing it clearly isn't working at the moment.

Nonsense. You’d never dare say a reception child is too young to understand being a wheelchair user or having a hearing aid. A typical reception child is perfectly capable of grasping that just like each person’s body is different each person’s brain is different - and so just like some people’s bodies might need some extra help to do something (spectacles to see, a wheelchair to move around), some people’s brains need some help too, like ear defenders so they aren’t overwhelmed by noise or a toy to help them stay calm. You don’t have to go into the diagnostic criteria!

Instinctively I think a lot of reception age children are really accepting of differences and won’t have an issue once the reason for a fidget toy or whatever is properly explained to them. It’s usually the parents jumping all over any perceived advantage someone else’s child might have over theirs.

I agree.. seems to be a full on attack from parents of SEN kids on here 🙄
It's totally understandable that a 4 YEAR OLD, will wonder why they aren't allowed but others are

I taught 5 and 6 year olds in a special school. Some non-verbal. But even those children understood and showed in different ways, that they understood each others' issues, and that they were different from theirs.

It would be really quite moving to see a non verbal child reach for their classmate's comfort object to give to them when they saw that their friend was distressed.

So a NT 4 year old with no learning difficulties really shouldn't be underestimated. They absolutely can recognise that another child has different needs and finds things harder than they do.

They might initially wonder, but when it's explained to them, they'll get it. That's how we all learn.

Of course Reception children understand that some children have different needs.
As do children in Nurseries right around the country.

I'm guessing you don't work with Early Years children ?

If a child gets to a stage where they have to have so many adjustments to cope, there's a point where mainstream may not be meeting their needs.

Hilarious that you think this might be news.
There are thousands upon thousands of children being stuffed into classes of 30 in mainstream schools, who don't have a cat in hell's chance of their needs being met. However, there are no alternatives. For every special school place in my LA, there are dozens of families whose child needs specialist provision.
However, needing an adjustment such as a particular toy or article with them, is not a reason for a child not to be able to access mainstream. That is a simple, and very reasonable adjustment.

OP, YABVVVU.

. A typical reception child is perfectly capable of grasping that just like each person’s body is different each person’s brain is different - and so just like some people’s bodies might need some extra help to do something (spectacles to see, a wheelchair to move around), some people’s brains need some help too, like ear defenders so they aren’t overwhelmed by noise or a toy to help them stay calm

Well my (able, NT, sociable) children aren't "typical" then, as they and their friends would understand ear defenders to block noise (excess noise being something the school would discourage in the classroom anyway, but wouldn't truly understand the concept of needing a toy to stay calm/regulate feelings. They just didn't have the empathy until a couple of years older.

My 4 year old sits by a child who has autism (i know this because mum is a friend) and doesn't understand the adjustments made for him. She's had explanations given patiently, can parrot these back to you, is aware he is different and doesn't have to stick and now parrots these back, but she fundamentally does not understand. She expresses jealousy at many of his adjustments, regularly, and doesn't really understand his social/emotional struggles.

They might initially wonder, but when it's explained to them, they'll get it. That's how we all learn.

Their understanding won't be developed fully until years later.

On a basic level they will recognise difference and accept an adults explanation but they will not understand that this child's differences in emotional regulation go far beyond neurotypical levels of variation.

Thanks for the lesson in autism.

You're totally wrong though, so you may wish to educate yourself further before acting like some type of expert.

My younger dc, and many I know, absolutely understand that different kids have different needs and are able to empathise and understand that because they have been brought up that way.

Nobody is expecting a 4yo to understand the complexities of it, but there are age appropriate ways to talk to that aged children so they do understand.

Do you think that younger siblings of autistic kids don't understand?

My best friend at school was diabetic. The teacher used to just appear daily and hand her a mars bar in class. I was so jealous!

In all honesty though I think kids are quite good at just accepting things in the world are different and they don't understand why because so much is still a mystery to them. We didn't know what diabetes was but we knew that was why she had the chocolate and didn't question much beyond that. I'm sure your DD would be the same with the toys if the autism is explained, they just need a 'why' to file away for their understanding.

Leaving aside the fact that disabled people have a right to an education that meets their needs, even if it inconveniences, causes envy in or upsets your child or forces you to have to have an emotionally intelligent conversation with your child about disability and reasonable adjustments…

There’s no special school places. Anywhere. In our entire county there are zero spaces. Zero. Including for severely disabled children who are non-speaking, have very limited comprehension, are incontinent and have to have a TA within three feet at all times simply to keep them safe in the building, much less access education.

The notion that, even if special school were in the best interest of the child, which it potentially isn’t, that there’s available special school places for a child simply because they have a need for a comfort object that might cause their classmates a bit of temporary upset or jealousy is absolutely laughable.