Toys in school

[Strawberrycherrypie]

My DD is in reception and often wants to take a toy in but they don’t. Allow it. However she keeps saying why is her friend is allowed. Her friend is Autistic and is allowed to take in toys for the day. Aibu to think it shouldn’t be one rule for one, one for everyone else

Ah right, your kid doesn't understand it, therefore no kid understands it. Makes sense 🤨

You’ll get this all the way through school. My DD is in reception and they’re supposed to have book bags with the school logo, but Emily has a pink sparkly bag from Smiggle. They’re supposed to wear navy or black trainers for PE but Lucy wears flashing Sketchers, Ruby wears frozen hair clips which aren’t allowed, Jack takes in a cuddly toy. Every morning we go through this. And I just say ‘well we follow the rules, we don’t want to get in trouble with the head teacher!

HNRTFT but I can remember when my children were in reception they could bring one small toy in ,on a Friday and they had a ‘show and tell ‘session where they could sit and talk about their toy to the class for 5 mins.

Think it was about 5 children a week .
It was a great way for the children to gain confidence and converse in a safe setting.

You are being TOTALLY unreasonable! With bells on. Today my daughter (age 5) wanted to take a special toy to school in her bag because she wanted to take it to the childminder after school. I categorically told her “no”,because it could get lost and we wouldn’t be able to replace it. She is in a class where (rightly) children with additional needs are permitted to bring in toys to help them regulate their emotions. My daughter does need such adjustments to simply survive a day with her emotions intact. I have used this situation to educate her on special needs and the differences between her as a neurotypical child.

she does not need to take her special toy to school to survive the day intact so she was told a firm “no” with reasoning as to the why.

tell your child to get a grip and check your privilege and situation before posting such idiotic questions

On a basic level they will recognise difference and accept an adults explanation but they will not understand that this child's differences in emotional regulation go far beyond neurotypical levels of variation.

The basic level is all that's required at this stage. And that level gets built on with experience until it becomes fully empathetic understanding.

If you don't start out by building that base level of 'my classmate is different from me and finds this more difficult than I do, so he needs something that I don't' then the NT child is going to struggle to ever get to full understanding.

As I said earlier, my most autistic/learning disabled pupils took in and understood their classmates' issues at a basic level, and would attempt to offer comfort or space in their own way.

I kind of wonder what some posters think of little kids who have siblings or other family members with SEN.

Do they think they have magical powers that make them more able to cope with "Yes your older brother/sister is still in nappies, but you need to use the toilet - his/her brain works differently to most people's, so s/he does things differently"?

Oh you'd LOVE my kid. He gets to bring whatever he wants, leave whenever he wants, has his very own tent in the classroom and will not even consider wearing uniform.

But it isn't a toy is it? I mean it is a toy but for the child with autism it is an aid, like a wheelchair, walking stick, hearing aids or an epi pen.

No a small child is not going to understand 'autism' but they can understand that people are different.

For some reason I have a mental image of some poor reception teacher where a SEN child has turned up with an assistance dog / guide dog / hearing dog - you get the idea.

The next day the other 29 children in the class also turn up with a dog.

For some reason this thread makes me remember a story I was told recently. It was told to me as fact but I don't know if it is.

Little girl starts kindergarten (let's call her A) and the other children find out she has two mothers and that's 'wierd' so she doesn't make friends, sits on her own, is on her own in the playground.

At lunch time one day she is sitting alone and little girl B asks to sit next to her.

B: Is it true you have two moms?
A: Yes
B: do you think I could have play dates at your house?
A excited: Yes of course.
B: Good, because you have two moms and I don't even have one. So if I come to your house I can find out what having a mom is like and then you can come to my house and find out what having a dad is like.

Small children are capable of compassion and understanding.

Sure, if your child also has autism and also has this requirement due to their autism, then there should be a discussion/arrangement/agreement with the teacher accordingly. If that’s not the case for your child then they have to abide by the normal rules that cover everyone else like themselves. Just like not having a wheelchair if you don’t need to be in one really ……..

He's going to cope well with adult life then

Did you wake up this morning thinking you would take time out of your day to make a snarky little dig at a child with SEN, or did you simply see the opportunity and run with it?

Bet you feel great about yourself after having an unnecessary dig at a parent who already has so much to cope with though, so that's the main thing.

Well everyone had decided to pile on the OP with abuse 🤷‍♀️ is it ok to have digs at people because their child isn't SEN?

Who had a dig at the op because her child isn't SEN?

Is that really your justification for your nasty little dig at child?

Nobody had a dig at the OP's child.

Hopefully he'll grow up to be understanding, kind and compassionate.

You, on the other hand, should be ashamed of yourself.

Why shouldn't a reception child understand about autism? That's how inclusion begins, by giving everyone enough knowledge to accept someone's differences instead of rejecting them through fear (prejudice). How hard is it to explain that some peoples brains and bodies work differently and so they need different aids and adjustments?

This is how we end up with adults who think that autism is an 'excuse' to have reasonable adjustments in the workplace because it's not 'fair' and this ends up with autistic people being excluded from education, the work place and the wider world. It starts with those conversations with small children about transition objects, they are not too young to understand that there are people who are different than them.

Aibu to think it shouldn’t be one rule for one, one for everyone else

YabSu here. I don’t think you understand how much a lot of children with Autism/additional needs struggle in school. Your daughter may want her toy, but she doesn’t need it. The other child most likely NEEDS the toy to help with anxiety and help them feel less frantic throughout the day.

OP, please watch the video I’ve linked below. It’s only 1:29 and imagine the child in your daughter’s class feeling exactly the same way. That little toy in his hands makes all the difference in the world and yes I am a mum of two children with disabilities

No one has any issue with the OP's child asking why something is the way it is - explanation given - the world moves on absolutely fine.

People have an issue with the OP coming on here whining about the cheek of a child to have SEN AND reasonable adjustments in place.

Well said @InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow and @Teaalwayshelps .

As for @Upallnight2 Wow. Just wow.

Quite. I was responding to PP who claimed people were having a dig at her child