Toys in school

[Strawberrycherrypie]

My DD is in reception and often wants to take a toy in but they don’t. Allow it. However she keeps saying why is her friend is allowed. Her friend is Autistic and is allowed to take in toys for the day. Aibu to think it shouldn’t be one rule for one, one for everyone else

Fairness is everyone getting what they need not everyone getting the same.

It’s your job to explain this to her. You must understand that children need to be treated differently and according to their needs in order to have equality of opportunity.

Equality means each individual or group of people is given the same resources or opportunities.

Equity recognizes that each person has different circumstances and allocates the exact resources and opportunities needed to reach an equal outcome.

If the child with SEND needs a particular item to get them through the day, that's fine. Not everyone needs something from home while they are in school.

You are going to have a very hard time getting through primary school if you react to everything that doesn't look fair because a child with SEND is getting their needs met in a different way to other children.

Yabvvvvvvu.
But you must know that.

Walk a day in the life of a child with SEN or their parent then come back with your petty complaints.

I have a Disabled Child and it really is disheartening and disgusting how some think - or don't in this case.

I don't get angry about many threads on mumsnet but this one really has got my back up - how can someone be so lacking in common sense and empathy.

Yes you are being very very unreasonable.

I really am hoping this turns out to not be real, but I think I will be disappointed.

Ignorant comments right there..…

None of us SEN mums are against children without SEN ( we have np reason to be) It’s mums like you who lack the compassion for us/our kids! So Why are you even expecting us to have compassion for children who dont have SEN? Us SEN mums are already bloody tired by parenting SEN children (parenting 1 SEND child is like parenting 4 children), navigating a broken system, having meetings with professionals, filling in volumes of paperwork, dealing with waiting lists to see professionals and having to deal with ignorant people like you! If you think you have hurty feelings that is nothing compared to what SEND mums and SEN children go thru and put up with!

we are rightly defending our SEND kids and advocating for them. If your non-SEN child turns up to school on time, wearing their uniform, eating a full diet, gets on with lessons, listens to the teacher, etc then count yourself v. lucky. Your child doesnt need any allowances made for them!

But a Kid with SEN struggles to do basic things your non-SEN child can and so they need prompts/allowances. So it’s not about separate rules or SEN children getting some kind of bonus! It’s about treating them differently to get to even half the outcome as a child without SEN. Also a SEN child will be using TWICE the energy (half the energy is using to deal with there disability) of a non-SEN child at school.

but you’re actually jealous of SEN children who have reasonable allowances made for them. Your making about you and you non-SEN child. But are you jealous of all the challenges and hardships that a SEN child and their families face?

if you had a child with SEN you would think so differently and not even write the tripe that you just did

I would rather have to explain to my child that other people might need extra accommodations made for them , than watch the struggles my daughter goes through every single day, and will have to go through for the rest of her life.

There are plenty of books explaining autism to children, buy one, read it to your dd, and hope that she has more compassion than you when she grows up.

well said & i agree.

sorry to say this but her post is real.. there are lots of ignorant/spiteful people like OP about in the UK. The same mums wouldn’t dream of making such comments about a child in a wheelchair. Also.. mums like the OP are clueless about the multiple challenges SEN children & there families face every single day. They literally see the ‘reasonable allowances’ as some kind of rule breaking fun thing that there little NT freya/archie are denied. 🙄

In my Reception class I had, among others:

A child who had to hold a baby doll (a school one because she didn't have her own) all day

A child who had to snack on biscuits (diabetic)

A child who had to sit on a special chair with his name on instead of sitting on the carpet

A child who would charge round the classroom instead of coming to the carpet

All the other children accepted that they could not do these things and apart from the diabetic child we worked through these children's needs and they moved on with their emotional and social development.

That beautiful to hear..

often sounds like its the mums who have the prejudices / issues not the children themself’s

Some of my DD's classmates take toys in to school. She asks if she can and I say that school isn't an appropriate place for our toys and that her toys would be happier left at home.

This is just the start, happens all the way through school and real life. I am a teacher and it's honestly a nightmare when kids bring toys in, constantly get lost, many upset kids, spend loads of time searching for things. They get broken, other kids tough and take them. Hard for young kids to understand though. I don't know what the solution is.

Of course YABU, DS get to chew gum at his super traditional and strict primary school (boys to wear shorts year long until 8 etc). The alternative is him choking on the random items he would otherwise put into his mouth (including chew toys).
His twin sister seem to be able to understand why the rule is different for him than her and their classmates.

Just explain that the other little girl has a condition which means that she needs to bring a toy at the moment but that the general rule is not to bring in toys. It might feel unfair to her but you know what, life's not always fair and we all have to learn to deal with that. I'm sure your daughter will be fine 🙂

Yabu. I'm shocked you have to post this.

My child is nearly all of the above! Due to severe autism (I posted on page 1 of this thread) and I have had so many comments from other parents about "now I have to explain to my child why HeavyMetal Junior doesn't get told off/has his name on everything/gets his own table/has a toy/uses an ipad/doesn't have to sit down" and so on and so forth. Being a parent of a neurodiverse child is so isolating anyway, then you get comments like OPs all the time.

A reception child is too young to understand about autism for goodness sake. Lots of young children are anxious about school. I think if they allow one to take a toy they should allow everyone. I don't think having unequal rules about toys is necessary to allow access to education.

@Sarahwalker1 are you replying to a different post? The one you are replying to doesn't say anything of the sort.

There's nothing spiteful in the op. She is just saying she thinks her child should be allowed a toy too. She didn't make any comments about the autistic child.

It's not a zero sum game. Allowing other 4 year olds to take their toy doesn't make things worse for the autistic one. You sound very bitter.

then your job is to explain. there will be other concessions made to other children whos needs are different to your childs. Just be happy she has no additional needs and thus doesn't need those consessions.

It would be totally unmanageable for the teacher though if every child in the class, which would then be every child in the school by your principal, bought in a toy.

A reception child is too young to understand about autism for goodness sake. Lots of young children are anxious about school. I think if they allow one to take a toy they should allow everyone. I don't think having unequal rules about toys is necessary to allow access to education.

This is a really uninformed opinion I'm afraid. An autistic child needing reasonable adjustments is not the same as a child who is a bit anxious about school. It shouldn't be seen as unequal, it's support that ensure all pupils can thrive.

A few years ago I worked with someone who had a chronic knee problem. We worked in a listed building with no lift so our employer made adjustments to allow her to have an office on the ground floor. That doesn't mean it

My son has hypermobile joints and struggles to hold a pen. He has use of a laptop in school, but the school don't have the budget for a laptop for every pupil. That doesn't mean it's "unfair".

Children who are getting their needs met in a classroom are also far less likely to disrupt a class. It benefits all pupils.

Not all disabilities are visible.

How on earth is a teacher going to police 30 toys, completely ridiculous. The amount of time wasted on tears and tantrums and lost toys would be huge. Even one lost jumper or coat eats into the day. I teach 5 & 6 year olds and they are great at accepting that some children are a little different and need special allowances. Children are often much more accepting that adults. Also we need to prepare our children for the real world and the real world is unfair. Children need to be able to handle disappointment. I have SEN children in my class every year that require special allowances and the rest of the children understand and support this.

End of my second paragraph should say that doesn't mean it was unfair on the rest of us who had to go upstairs to our office.

As my children's reception said to one child "some people just need a little bit extra"