Selling his gift

[Emstar444]

So, aibu? My partner decided that after I had scrimped and saved to buy him a gift he had asked for, to sell it on ebay, along with another gift I had purchased at his request for him. It wasn't due to fit or anything like that, he just decided to, and I quote 'get some money for them'. What they have sold for is far below what I paid for them, even though he knows how hard I struggled to get the money together to buy the things he wanted. Am I being unreasonable to feel miffed about this?

This in spades. He sounds incredibly manipulative. He's shown you who he is: believe him, and run!

So did he buy you expensive gifts for your birthday and Christmas too?

Just buy his gifts directly from ebay next time … or just don’t bother.

Actually, am wondering why you are with such a disrespectful and selfish man. I’d start shopping around for his replacement.

Why are you scrimping and saving to buy two expensive things for someone you’ve known less than a year? One of them would have been plenty. He didn’t need designer clothes and a “personal care item.”

Leave this one, and don’t let anyone else treat you like that again. Don’t do stuff you can’t afford just to try and keep up with someone else.

Yep. Dump him. Preferably in a humiliating way. Maybe on Instagram?

I agree with pp - this is not a 'once it's a gift it's the recipient's to do with as they want' situation. This is a control and mind fuckery situation in which someone is deliberately trying to mess you up.

Get outta there.

These responses are quite fascinating compared to the Christmas threads where people seem to bag up half their gifts on Boxing Day to take to the charity shop......

Those threads are about tat gifts you’ve usually told people you don’t want or they’ve asked you what you want and then bought you something totally different which clearly doesn’t suit you.

This is about two things he specifically asked for, knowing they were expensive and that she would have to save and scrimp to afford them… then he got them and immediately sold them for half the cost. Nothing at all like the Xmas tat threads and a total dick move. Are you actually defending this man’s actions?

Agree. I wouldn't bother with him.

LTB

So he is a dick then

You want to be with a dick for the rest of your life? Or do you deserve better?

This is disrespectful at best and manipulative at worst. A bit of a red flag. I think it's best to end this relationship.

@WarshipRocinante I am not defending him because we never heard his side or what his response was when she told him how it made her feel (if she ever did) or what he wanted the cash for.
To her she had to "scrimp and save". To him they could have been prices he doesn't even have to bat an eyelid about.
He might have said "I really want those new trainers by FancyBlah Designer" - something he would just buy without thinking because he doesn't have to scrimp and save.
But then discovers they are an uncomfortable fit so he sells them on. A lot of people do that.
A lot of people buy things on impulse, can't be bothered to return it and sell it on.
I am not saying I agree with any of that.
The OP hasn't come back so we don't know how it ended up.
For all we know he could have apologised and felt bad that she had to save up and said "I wish you had told me you wouldn't have been able to afford that".
We don't know.....
Or he could just be a selfish dick 🤔

I'm not at all suggesting that this is his situation - and you did indeed buy the items for him and give them to him - but this mindset makes me think of drug addicts and petty thieves who will quite cheerfully sell something belonging to somebody else that cost/is worth £1,000 down the pub for £20 - and they care so little for the person they stole it from (even if a family member or supposed friend) that they genuinely only see it as £20 made for them, and it never even enters their head how much of a big loss somebody else has had forced on them for them to get that small amount.

The fact that he asked you for expensive presents when you've been together less then a year would give me the ick anyway

I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who asks for expensive gifts knowing I’ll have to scrimp and save for it for starters. Let alone selling it after a few weeks!

So disrespectful.

I would find this hugely unattractive.

Although I do agree with posters that once you give someone a gift, it’s theirs to do what they want with it - he could have at least kept it private from you. Did he tell you he’d put them on eBay or how did you find out?

He sounds like a child - asking for something expensive and then selling it to try to get some money for it is something I’d expect a teenager with no experience of life or money to do. How old is he?

I've said to friends in the past that if they ever found themselves short of cash, they could sell things I've given them and I would be OK with that. However, this doesn't seem to be the case here, I agree with PP who said it was a power trip on his part and just deeply nasty of him. When people show you who they are, believe them! OP should cut her losses with this guy, she deserves better.

As a rule of the thumb if he doesn't value your efforts now is not going to value them in future.
I would be fuming if I were you and starting to make a list of what he brings in my life because I would be tempted of dump him.
Extreme, I don't know but honestly he look like a spoilt kid to me.

This.

Ideas for future gifts. Pick one

pre owned jigsaws from the charity shop

packet/s of garden seeds

bunch of garage flowers

terrys chocolate orange

pair of new boxers

bar soap from tkmaxx

mug from pound shop

packet of washing up sponges from flying tiger

He is cruel. He is not on your team and thinks little about your feelings.
You have only wasted a year on him, move on.

That’s a very strange thing to say to someone. I can’t imagine a circumstance in which I would actually say to my friend, “If you’re struggling then you can sell the stuff I’ve given you.” It’s almost patronising. Why would that come up?

Im sorry OP, you need to bin him. He lacks sensitivity, respect, manners. He doesn’t care how hard you had to work to get those gifts and he doesn’t care enough to keep them.